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Feb 15, 2010
Steve:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I could not agree more. Therapy made all the difference for me; perhaps it can for you too. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Feb 15, 2010
I am the winner, I sure have worked through alot.
by: maurice

Steve D. your story is horrendous. reading through your honest detailed account of beatings etc. means you truly have overcome alot on your own. I sincerely hope you spoke with a counsellor/therapist at some stage to affirm your inner strength in dealing with your abuse. Darlene has given you the best advise, theraphy changed her life she is now the living proof of it with her book from victim to victory. Authur. speaker. survivor. She has proved that there is LIFE AFTER ABUSE. you be the winner like her over that. Have a healthy mind in a healthy body. Think positive, act positive, be positive in all you do and say.

Feb 15, 2010
Proud of You
by: Kristen

Thank you so much for sharing your story and I am very proud of you. I agree there is a core there as I have felt it too! I am so sorry for what your parents did to you. Just remember, THEY are responsible for what they did not YOU. Once we leave the abuse, we continue to abuse ourselves. We do not have to do that any longer. Good luck and I send you a boatload of peace.

Feb 16, 2010
I hope you are right
by: Collene

Steve,

I am so sorry that you suffered so terribly. I too had an abusive Mother. She had an abusive upbringing and had no problem terrorizing me for 18 years untill I got the hell out by jioning the Navy. The problem for me is I am still running. I wish I could get a glimpis of that inner core of self you talk about. I hope your healing continues. I have just now figured out what happened to me the first 18 years of life has been a problem that has deeply effected my life.

Feb 16, 2010
NEED HELP
by: Anonymous

I think that I am in need of therapy for the abuse that my father put me through. I have never gotten over it. I thought that I would just get over what happened to me but I can't. The abuse just continues into my current life. I feel depressed sometimes. Relationships that I have had have been horrible. Thank god I am married with a child and that my husband is a wonderful man that would never put me through what I was put through, but for some reason I still allow my dad as well as people to effect me. I try to stay in my house and not go out in fear that someone will upset or hurt me. It seems that if I do go out that I feel ashamed and I also feel that some people are looking at me with disgust. I happen to always catch a person giving me a dirty look or giggling when their looking at me.

Feb 16, 2010
Congratulations for surviving.
by: Helen Louise

Steve, thank God that you were able to survive! I am so sympathetic about what you had to go through. I went through terrible abuse, too. I remember the fear and confusion, the absolute lonelyness of my position. I remember the betrayal I felt.

Yes, there is an inner core in everyone. It is a still and quiet place that can examine reality dispassionately and whispers its councel. It comes from a long way back in the childhood we each had. It was safe and we were innocent.

Take that core with you, to be a companion in all that you do. Let it take over, sometimes. Little by little, it gets stronger.

I found mine through working the program in Alcoholics Anonymous and in Alanon. AA got me sober, Alanon keeps me sane. There are no dues or fees and the 12-steps work miraculous changes.

If no one's drinking or drugging have been a problem in your life, there is Sexaholics Anonymouse, or Co-Dependents Anonymous. They, and all the rest of the Anonymous programs work because they build on ones strengths. And they are peopled by people who understand because they have been through the same experiences.

Good luck! There is recovery. There is redemption.

Feb 17, 2010
Even animals would never treat their young so sadistically
by: Anonymous

Steve, what your "parents" did to you is truly sadistic. Those beasts are truly sick, cruel, twisted, warped, malicious, sadistic and barbaric in their own ways of thinking...not to mention control freaks with uneducated minds. They didn't deserve to have a wonderful son like you...but most of all, my dear Steve, you did not deserve to have such unloving, uneducated, uncaring, ignorant, sadistic parents. I hope you try counselling. Be brave, Steve, and stay strong.

Feb 17, 2010
There is recovery, there is redemption after abuse
by: maurice

Always believe that Steve D, Always believe in yourself. There are great comments to support you and give you HOPE. Darlene sure has given you heartfelt encouraging suggestions with LOVE. Faith, Hope and Love and the greatest of these is LOVE. So Steve D LOVE the me, gifted looking back at you from the mirror. Have a healthy mind in a healthy body. seek counselling/therapy. stay with it. That's true for all of us. We need the love and support of true frinds to keep us Believeing in ourselves. Taking one day at a time. Get out and about on your bicycle, get off your bottom, get out of the house, mix with likeminded people in sporting and cultutral activities. Out in the open healthily will work wonders for you. In all kinds of weather. having the banter with team mates is one natural way of moving on and putting your abuse in perspective. Steve D. Be a winner over absue. I will, I can, I must, because I am WORTH it.

Mar 06, 2010
survival techniques
by: Kathy

Dear Steve D,

I have many things in common with you. I suffered physical and mental abuse at the hands of my mother. I wet the bed (even until my early teens). In my thirties I dated a very abusive man and found myself on occasion starting to go in my sleep again. So now I believe that bed wetting can be caused by the high amount of stress that comes from being abused. I started engaging in self shaming fantasies at age 7 which fused in with sexual fantasies when I was 16. I also tried to get rid of the guilt and shame by hitting myself. When I was 8 yrs old, I took a 2x4 and hit myself until I was covered in bruises. I am now 48 years old and I am still trying to rid myself of this (what I now know to be) survival technique. It seems so shameful to talk about that I rarely have done so. When I was 21, I told a counselor about it and his reaction was to invite me to his home for dinner. "His fantasies did not come true". I told my sister, she didn't really say anything. I told my mom, she said something about sin. None of them helped me. It has been just shame on top of more shame. I have gotten some understanding recently. I saw a show about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and they had a new technique that they used on a 65 year old retired vet. He had such terrible depression from the things that he saw in Vietnam, that he never left his house and was ready to die. They had him relive his experiences by watching a war film over and over again. At first he could hardly do it. Eventually he became cured of his depression and PTSD. This mans story caused me to realize that the little girl in me that was trying to survive must have had some terrible PTSD. So at least I am starting to understand why. But what do we do with these survival techniques that I no longer need but have become habits. So twisted together with what should be feelings of plain old love. So long a source of comfort and protection. How do I part with and old best friend, even one as violent and unhealthy as it is?

Thank you for sharing. I hope that you continue to find yourself.

I will pray for you, Kathy


Mar 08, 2010
TO KATHY
by: Steve D.

Kathy, enuresis (bed-wetting) is a medical condition that is caused by developmental and genetic issues. They have isolated the specific genes responsible. it is NOT caused by emotional issues. So keep in mind that you are not to blame for your enuresis. You had no control over it. Although it is a very hard thing to do remember that there is a difference between how you feel about what happened to you and YOU. Shame and anger and remorse are feelings that you have about what other people did to you. People that you should have been able to trust. Deep inside of you is your core, the person that you really are, separate from your feelings about what was done to you. Someday you will find that core, you may continue to be sad about what happened to you but you will recognize the difference between who you are and what happened to you. After all, you did nothing wrong, you just happened to be born to abusive parents and that is not your fault.

From Darlene: Steve, your contribution on this issue is very much appreciated. And while I agree with you about genetic and developmental factors that lead to enuresis, many other factors can also be involved, including severe stress which can relax all the muscles of the body and cause involuntary emptying of the bladder. I felt obligated to point this out, because my visitors need to know that I do not support the assertion that enuresis is strictly developmental and genetic. However, I most certainly support the assertion that enuresis is not the person's fault. Thank you for your contributions on this site, Steve, and for bringing to light that bed-wetting can indeed have a genetic component attached to it.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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