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Aug 01, 2011
Natalie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm concerned that your brother is abusing other little girls. Sex offenders don't stop until they're made to stop or until the child they are abusing "ages out" for them. In other words, as disgusting as it is, the child is too old for their preferences.

As for your thoughts, I learned a long time ago that the reason we hang onto irrational thoughts (such as I was a willing participant) is that we have an attachment to the story we tell ourselves that keeps us stuck on that thought. It's only when we get the full story out that we tell ourselves (writing it down helps), and then hold it up to the light of understanding and reverse the thought that that irrational thought can let us go. I don't believe we let go of thoughts; I believe they let go of us when we shine understanding onto the thoughts.

I used to blame myself for not being able to please my mother with all that I did for her. I was seven at the time, so I believed I was responsible for her actions against me, believing that at 7, I should know how to what needed doing. My therapist at the time taught me to look at things differently. He had me consider a child of mine who was 7, and then apply the same expectations on that child as I expected of myself at that age. When I began to look, really look at, 7-year-olds, it made me realize I was putting way too much on myself. After all, 7-year-olds were just 7-year-olds. It was when I separated from the attachment of the story that I told myself that I was able to see more clearly. I suggest the same for you, Natalie. The next time you see a 5-year-old, observe how how the child is, and how innocent.

One more thing I will address is the fact that sex feels good. Just because you enjoyed the stimulation does not make you complicit. It means your body betrayed you, and it is doubly so when you consider that you were 5 and completely innocent. And your brother not only knew that, he counted on it. And he knew and counted on the fact that you wouldn't tell. He's STILL counting on that. He took advantage of your childness, innocence and vulnerabilities. The blame is squarely on HIS shoulders, Natalie. He groomed you and he groomed your parents. You responded as most 5-years-olds would. Your parents turned a blind eye. I hope you'll stay in therapy and continue along the road of healing and recovery. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Aug 12, 2011
Hearts speak to each other Thank You:
by: maurice

Natalie: your story will touch the hearts of many as it did Darlene here on her safe haven site: It is so natural for me to feel ever so safe and secure writing my true feelings through my comments: Each story touches someone's heart ever so lovingly and truly in a helping way: Darlene Thank You: How right you are ever so wise when you say I don't believe we let go of thoughts: I believe they let go of us when we shine understanding on them: This is so true as I have learned from sharing with all of us who played around in the hay-shed in our tender years the natural and silly antic's we did to each other pulling each other trousers and panties down and playing silly touching games: Children's innocence but when I have spoken to a few all well married now with grand children were having thoughts about same negaive or positive: Thankfully the thoughts came and went from time to time in all our lives but when we shone the light on them we had a positive understanding of them: each one to a tee: So your belief is most helpful: Natalie I am certain too You will gain great succour from Darlene's heart comment to you: Truly a woman's heart from some one ever so wonderful and wise: I got great affirmatoion from reading her comment personally to you from all you wrote so truthfully: I will ponder on your sharing which I have no doubt will benefit alot here when they read it: I quote: Since I've been seeing my therapist I've realized that talking about it is a beneficial form of healing for me: God Bless Therapist's and counsellor with good and true friends walking with us to share our intimate and our real with: Thank you Natalie:

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