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Dec 31, 2012
Kevin:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

So many males were sexually abused when they were children. Though statistics reflect 1 in 6, studies are beginning to show they may well be equal to that of girls. The issue is finally getting more attention, thanks in part to brave men like you who are talking, and won't stop talking about it. Those who tell you to "shut up and move on" simply don't understand. They don't know what to say or what to do or how to be around someone who is being open about child abuse, especially male sexual abuse. It's too uncomfortable for them. When professionals in the field try to tell you to "move on" when you're not ready, they're shirking their responsibility. I'm not saying to wallow in self pity or in the past; that's counterproductive. What I am saying is that the only way I know to unburden oneself of the emotions of the memories is to allow oneself to actually feel them. Burying them only serves to give them more power. Feel them fully with the understanding that the abuse is no longer happening. I learned that it's not the memories themselves that affect us, it's our thoughts about those memories. When we allow ourselves to feel what we feel knowing we are now safe, and then challenge our thoughts about the memories, the healing that can come from that is remarkable. Kevin, please consider the work of Byron Katie. Her book Loving What Is could be a real asset for you, as long as you're willing to challenge your thoughts. As for antidepressants, I believe we must do what is necessary for us in the moment. Prozac was necessary for you, so you gave your Self what you needed. That's a good thing. When others judge us for our choices, they are judging based on what is happening in their own lives. Don't give them another thought. I send you love, light and healing energy, Kevin. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, and for the very kind words.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Dec 31, 2012
Thanks, Darlene. That's great.
by: Kevin F

It's great to see this story on the screen on a website on the internet. It is the best externalisation of the whole thing that I've been able to do and it is another healing experience to read it.

Jan 07, 2013
New Year thoughts
by: Kevin F

Hi Darlene,
Happy 2013! I'm sure it will be a big year for all of us!
My healing goes on and I'd like to share with you
(and all the subscribers) some of what I emailed to my siblings about my story. Needless to say, I haven't had a reply!
I've used what people call 'bad language' but I think it is the best and most appropriate way to describe people who sexually and physically assault children and show no remorse.
I can understand if you don't want to publish this or all of it. It would be very healing, though, for me to see it on the website.
Best wishes,
Kevin.

Christmas and New Year are family times and it's very important to acknowledge and remember your ancestors/parents.

I'm sure the poor oul f**ks are watching everything going on here from up in their 'religion' heaven. They'll have balcony seats there of course along with all the other reptiles. They know exactly what's going on. All this sexual and other abuse of children is inter-generational and multi-generational. So I suppose the best thing we can do is pray that they can start to acknowledge it there and pay it back to each other. So they don't have to keep reincarnating and reenacting it all here. We've cut the process off here and are turning it back on the perpetrators rather than just dumping it on the next generation of children. So hopefully they can learn from us and do something similar where they are. And isn't that the best thing you can hope for them.

And I've wondered all my adult life how the pair ever had children. The only 'relationship' I ever saw between them was the lunatic p*ssing all over the religionaholic and then the religionaholic kneeling in the corner muttering and wanking into his rosary beads. Maybe there was some kind of weird 'impregnation' thing going on there. I don't know. All I can say is " 'Tis a mystery, 'tis a mystery" (to quote the nuns). They lived the great Irish divorce. Sadly, their lives were probably as miserable as they made ours.

But who am I to criticise or judge anyone. I think the best anyone can say is that wherever they are or whatever they're doing, let's hope they can find some help or medication.


Jan 16, 2013
Interesting Dream
by: Kevin F

Hi Darlene,
I'd like to tell you about a very vivid dream I had recently. Some dreams represent what's going on subconsciously inside us. I found this dream very meaningful so your members might be interested too.
In the dream, I was back in Ireland as a child and my siblings and I were being driven home from somewhere by the parents. The car turned into the driveway of the house and I saw that the house had collapsed completely. It had fallen in on itself and looked like it had been demolished by an explosion from the inside.
I was excited and overjoyed but was immediately scared and ran from the car as I knew the parents would know I was responsible and attack me. Then I realised in the dream that I had become an adult and that I could stand up to them and protect myself. And that's all I remember.
But some great themes there; the public facade of the 'family' demolished (from inside) and me realising subconsciously (where most of our personal action goes on) that I'm no longer a small child under their mad violent control. I think it's a big step forward.
Best wishes,
Kevin.



May 29, 2013
More email extracts.
by: Kevin F

Here’s a couple more email extracts which I’d like to add to my page as it shows an
ongoing process of memory recovery, standing up for myself and healing. It might be useful for others in understanding what happens with survivors of child sexual assault to see an ongoing process rather than just one off entries.
Best wishes,
Kevin.

March 2013:
Email to siblings re more childhood memories of madness and violence.

And I wonder why the religionaholic ever got married. Family was a low priority to him , well below Church. He spent so much time in the company of priests, I don’t know why he didn’t become one. He should have gone the other way – left marriage to become a priest.

And also, do you remember the way the oul mad f**k used to sit in front of the range cooker and spit into the fire like some kind of oul reptile. She was a real piece of work!

Well, we got all the ‘benefits’ of their big fat Irish Divorce. Shur, wasn’t it grand FOR them.
I’m sure they’re all very happy up in reptile heaven with turbo-charged bowing and scraping, assault and muttering and wanking into rosary beads (just like it was here, only better of course). Afraid they’ll probably have to assault each other now - I doubt if any child would go within a million light years of that place!

But shur who am I to criticise anyone.
As I say, I suppose the best we can do for all mad violent people is hope they can find some kind of medication or healing in their next lives.

May 29, 2013
Email extract.
by: Kevin F

May, 2013.
On the occasion of the annual memorial mass for the parents held in Ireland.

Well, I suppose you've had the annual memorial mass for the parents. That's very important - remembering who you come from. I tried to forget it for a long time and it cost me dearly.

And on the experience of family and marriage, if either of the parents ever needed the most spiritually correct marriage counselling or child rearing advice, all they had to do was ask father Holles (or any of the other 'fathers'). Great.

And many of these 'fathers' were actual fathers but due to their conditions of employment, they had to deny their children and put a lot of them in the many children's prisons which the church maintained all round the country.

And these prisons were great sources for them. They told us there was (and no doubt still is) a spiritual war going on (Good versus Evil, no less!). And one of the first thing troops need in wartime is R&R. Of course, priest's conditions of employment ruled out having R&R with women so children were next. And everyone all along just following orders, doing their bit and doing the best they could do as they were told it. Everything working all the time in the service of the great reptile god.
Shur wasn't it grand FOR them.
I'm sure they're all very happy now - up with their great reptile god.

But here and now today for us, we have to be as positive as we can about it all. And the best we can say is that thankfully, these people are mostly dead and buried and gone now and a lot of their mad, violent world is buried and gone with them. And that's the best memorial which we can have for them.

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