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Jul 17, 2011
Christy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You have SO much to be proud for. You had the presence of mind to take to heart what that psychologist was teaching. That shows me you had strength of character. Many others would and did hear the message that day, but did not heed it. You DID. You chose a different path. You broke the cycle of abuse, and raised a healthy happy child into womanhood. You found healing, enough so that you also found forgiveness. Your parents were troubled people. They were likely abused themselves (I believe you hit the nail on the head with your father, especially given his emotional reaction when you broached the subject and confronted him). Your parents were likely without the emotional resources, the intestinal fortitude they needed to take the path you did. They were broken as individuals, then broken together. As for your statement about still loving your parents after all the mistreatment, that's not so strange at all. Children inherently love their parents, even in the face of abuse, in part because children need to be loved themselves and in part because children blame themselves for all that is wrong in their world. It isn't until children start to grow and mature that they see things differently, and that innate self-blame starts to wane (though the messages of old often remain, even well into adulthood). Thank you for sharing your story, and your messages of hope through your story, with my visitors and me. You not only went from victim to victory, you turned pain into power; and now you're reaping the benefits in your life, with your daughter, and now your husband. Stay true to your Self, Christy, as you've done now for a very long time. You're an inspiration.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 18, 2011
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Christy, you were given a raw, crappy deal. Your so-called parents were so twisted in their own ways of thinking that they didn't even know how to take care of themselves; not to mention be parents to you and your sister. They didn't know how to love even themselves; all they ever knew was hate so they should've known better and loved and cherished you. Oh, and as for your "mom", I can't believe that she would enslave you, blackmail you into doing whatever she wanted and abandon you to the so-called care of that sick, sadistic monster of a father and allow him to beat and berate you and your sister everyday...how dare she! Shame on her for treating you like a slave and running away from you instead of protecting you guys from that beast! I am just as disgusted by her uncaring behavior towards you; I hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. You deserved so much better than what those sad, tragic people did to you. Oh, and most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you and your sister; remember, abusers always choose to abuse. You and your sister were the children; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you guys. Oh, and I'm glad that your husband is with you now because he is so sweet for doing that; I just hope that you and your sister will try counselling.

Jul 18, 2011
Always believe in yourself: You'll be the winner over your abuser
by: maurice

Great, you were brave, strong wihin yourself to take action to heal the memories and the effects of your Fathers abuse: We will never know why a Father>>Mother feel they have to make examples of one child above another: Physically beating one was their way of saying to the others's this is what will happen you if I say your wrong, naughy, cheeky, dis-obedient etc: The more sadistic type found a reason most days to physically absue by beatins etc: This was emotional abuse on the other's: Your father was wrong Christy: But you have been a winner over him: You have found courage to heal the wounds and the effects: You are special, a great example to many in how you went about recovery from such humiliation and pain at the hands of an adult, much stronger than you, your Father who used you and abused you: You are at a healthy stage of your recovery NOW; you also found it in your heart to forgive, even to caring for your Father knowing all the pain and the effects of same he forced you to endure and live with into your years: Well done, I am sure great healing came from that care of him: Darlene has given you real words of affirmation, love, acknowledgement of the great and good woman you are today: Onward now, living your life to the full and keep letting go especially now that your abuser is dead: Leave with him all that suffering he caused with him in the grave: You were a good daughter even though he did not love and cherish you as his child, gifted, tallented, special: I hope your way of getting help also was your way of telling your sister she may need counselling for her to make sense of her Father's beatings: Christy have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Be truly proud of your achievements: Live well: Laugh often: Love much: surround yourself with trusting, caring, honest people witha close few namimg them as your friends: Well done: Your story will give hope to the many who suffered physical abuse and with Darlene you can say I am a victm into victory over my abuse: Her specialness in setting up this confidential and well stewarded site will continue to be a safe have for her many visitors to share their abuse in total honesty and trust: She knows and feels the pain of the genuine one: She sure has given us all a reason to live our lives to the full after abuse: Read her comment so the hope you give to others will be real for you too in the heart words she has written to you:

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