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Mar 01, 2009
Part 1: He stole so much...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Vinnie, that vile sex offender molested you when you were 9 years old. What he stole from you that day was unconscionable. Coming to terms with what happened is really less about what happened and more about dealing with your thoughts about what happened. Think about it. This man can no longer harm you. He hasn't been in your life for decades. Yet he still controls so many aspects of your being. The only thing more vile than him molesting you and then you spending more than 50 years with him in control of you and your life is if you allow him to control even one more second of your life.

You said you had therapy when you were 50 years old, and that this here is the first time you've told anyone. I don't know what drove you to therapy or what type of therapy it was, but if you are still trying to come to terms with that single event, the therapy didn't go far enough.

I take it you are a male. If you haven't already, please check out my Male victims of sexual abuse page here on this site for some information that you might find helpful.

See Part 2: You have the strength... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir



Mar 01, 2009
Part 2: You have the strength...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You were terrorized and traumatized. You could not tell because of shame and guilt; shame and guilt that was not yours to bear. You did not and could not tell because back then you would have been blamed for the assault, IF you had been believed in the first place; the number 1 reason sexual child abuse victims do not tell is because they are afraid they won't be believed.

What happened to you was NOT your fault. It wasn't the fault of your aunt who sent you over to that house to deliver a meal; I doubt very much she would have put you in harms way. It was the fault of the molester, completely and utterly, regardless of whether or not he was drunk.

No amount of "what if I had" or "what if I hadn't" thoughts will change what actually happened that day. He was never reported, tried and convicted of his crime against you, so you probably feel that justice has never been served, that you got a life sentence, while he got off scot free.

You spent a significant part of your life self-medicating, trying to forget. The trouble is, you couldn't forget. Instead, you continued to remember and then also had the added repercussions of being addicted. And now you have been sober for 23 years! Congratulations on that accomplishment, Vinnie. You have much to be proud of. Apply that same intestinal fortitude toward the destructive self-talk you still give yourself: You are NOT inferior; you were assaulted and wounded and crying out for help, help that never came, help you deserved to have. You are NOT ugly; you are a beautiful person who deserved and still deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. You are NOT unlovable and nor are you any different than any other person on the planet.

Vinnie, your needs were neglected as a child. But you are no longer that helpless child. You survived that terrible day and the days that followed. Now it's up to you to decide just how you will live out the rest of your days. I for one have great faith in your ability to move on, but you have to believe that you are not inferior and that you CAN and WILL move on. That sex offender isn't worth another second of your precious life.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.
A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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