Comments for Child Abuse Story From Vicki1

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Sep 26, 2008
Involuntary arousal...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Vicki, you said: "I was scared, sick, but at the same time...aroused. (That is the part I feel so guilty for)." I encourage you to question your thoughts on this. First of all, arousal during a sexual assault is not uncommon, whether you are male or female. Fact is, being touched in that area, even when it's molestation, can and does "feel good." Your arousal was involuntary. Your body betrayed you; you did not—I repeat, you DID NOT—betray your body. You could no more control your arousal than you could control whether or not you breathe. And your grandfather knew this. Indeed, he likely counted on it in order for you to keep "the secret."

Vicki, you did the right thing by telling your mother. I'm terribly sorry she didn't believe you. As for your mother, perhaps your grandfather told her what he had done to you; I can't say. But she's the one who lost out on all those years, all those years of a relationship with her daughter, watching her be a parent, sharing in the joy of parenting and grandparenting. All her accusations, her animosity and outright denial; it's all on her, Vicki. I do hope the two of you can come together to bridge the feelings of betrayal and abandonment. If you haven't already, I recommend some form of counselling in order to help you with all the emotional residue of being molested by your grandfather, and then after telling, not being believed, and now how to deal with the situation now that your mother understands that what you said happened did happen.

Thank you for sharing your story here, Vicki. You've sent an all-important message to my visitors.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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