Comments for Child Abuse Story From Vanessa

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Sep 20, 2007
A catharsis
by: Darlene Barriere

I understand your hatred for your father, Vanessa; you've definitely earned that hate. But if you hang on to it, that hatred will eat you up, and your father will still be controlling you.


Years ago, I was in the same place you are right now. I decided that I was going to write a letter to my father. I had every intention of sending it to him; my father was/is still alive.
In that letter, I wrote every hateful thing I ever wanted to say to him. I called him every name I could think of. I told him he wasn't a man, he was a mouse, what I knew would upset him the most. I told him he was everything I hated in a man. I let myself go crazy with anger. Yes, I was alone in my house that day. As I wrote, the pen dug further and further into the pad of paper. It tore in many places. But I kept writing. I must have written "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU" a hundred times. By the time I was done writing, I couldn't open my hand. I was crying so hard, I thought I'd never stop.


Then I read what I wrote out loud. And then I read it again. And again. And again. The tears kept flowing; I was heaving with gut-wrenching sobs. My voice kept rising every time I re-read it. Then my voice turned into a barely audible screech, but I kept reading on.
Then the heaving sobs were replaced with a profound sadness, a sadness that I later came to recognize as grief. I realized that I would never have the father that I wanted. He was who he was, and he did what he did; there was nothing I could possibly do to change any of it. The only thing I could change was the way I looked at him, the way I looked at what he had done.


Then that sadness was replaced with a strange sense of tranquility, of release. I sat down in the easy chair in my family room, completely drained. I really don't know how long I was there, but when I got up, I decided I didn't have to send that letter. I didn't hate him anymore. I didn't feel love, but I didn't hate him. Oddly enough, I felt sorry for him. Not because he was a product of his own upbringing . . . no . . . I felt sorry for him because his actions cost him my respect. His actions cost him a relationship with his first-born, the first-born he was so proud to bring into this world.


I picked up the letter I'd written, found a book of matches in my candle drawer, then went looking for the metal garbage can in the garage. I then ceremoniously set that letter ablaze.
"I don't hate you anymore, Dad," I said. "I don't love you, but I don't hate you." I hadn't rehearsed those words; they just softly rolled off my lips.


Vanessa, what I did that day was one of the most freeing acts I ever did for myself. I've done others, but that one was among the most liberating. The catharsis was truly life-altering. I don't know if you can find release the way I did, but I thought I'd share it with you, a fellow journal writer. I thought I'd share it with someone who has earned a healthy dose of healing.


Sep 20, 2007
hey
by: katherine

Listen i know you hate him and you might always hate him but one thing powerful then any knid of hate is to forgive him! i know your say he!! no but look my mom was abused when she was little. her unlce would tell her things like eather suck my d*** or your brother wont be feed tonight , well about 30 years later when he was basily on his death bed my mom told my aunt to wiper in his ear debbie forgives you , i know it hard but it will make you fell lot better . don;t let it get to you though you are only giving him what he wants !!!

Sep 20, 2007
COUNSELING
by: Anonymous

HI IM JACOB YOU SHOULD GET COUNSELING

Sep 20, 2007
Good for you!
by: Steph

Journaling is an excellent way to work through this stuff. I'm glad you are talking with a professional, they have a lot of resources for you. It is natural and understandable to have anger toward someone who victimized you. I can relate. In my old age (really, not that old, 40 yrs) I have been able to put most of my anger and resentment to rest. The little that is left I have channeled into other, more productive areas. Try getting involved in a women's shelter or abuse organization in an effort to stop the same from happening to others. Keep getting healthy!

Sep 28, 2007
the bad and mean dad
by: Anonymous

that is not right for a 11 year old getting abused like that that not right for a dad to touch her because she twelvethe dad should repect her her pravacy and that is not good she should right that and get it out of chest with all that.

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