Comments for Child Abuse Story From Trin

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Nov 04, 2008
 So much pain...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Trin, your story bleeds with pain; I feel it on so many levels. We are both empathic; we understand the trouble of others from what we see, hear and feel. This is the gift that can come from the childhoods we lived. There can be purpose in even the vilest of upbringings. But the trick is to see, hear and feel the pain in ourselves. Right now you are probably saying, "I don't want to feel that pain. I've had enough of that pain. It's that pain that keeps getting me into trouble." That's not the case, Trin. It's when we try to circumvent the pain that we get into trouble. It's when we try to stop the pain that we find ourselves in more pain than ever.

From a logical perspective, you know there is nothing you can do to change your past. From an emotional perspective, you are still caught in your memories; which means you are trapped in your past, a past you can't, try as you might, change.

Trin, you are an amazingly bright man...think about it, really think about it: The past is exactly that, the past. All the terrible abuse you suffered is over and done with. It's your thoughts that are keeping those memories of abuse alive. You are reliving them over and over and over again—even though they are OVER—and then the thoughts about your memories (what should or shouldn't have happened, etc.) manifest in ways that are wholly inappropriate (lashing out at others, blaming others for your behaviour, etc.).

The answer is not nearly as complicated as you might believe. The answer is to question your thoughts and then turn them around/reverse them, Trin; and questioning your thoughts involves allowing yourself to feel the pain, whatever that pain is. Because reliving that pain through questioning is the answer to relieving that pain. You see, Trin, you can't let go of thoughts; thoughts let go of you; but only when you delve into those thoughts, question them, and then reverse them. Otherwise, they will continue to grip you, they will continue to manifest in unhealthy ways, and they will spread throughout your life like a rampant virus.

Yes, Trin, you may well go to jail for the acts you've committed. Accept that, because whether or not you accept it, it will likely happen. But that doesn't have to stop you from working on yourself. No one but you CAN work on yourself. Not your mother, not your friends, not your stealing cohorts, not your girlfriend; no one but YOU. It's the most loving "hug" you could ever receive, Trin. Don't wait for someone else to give you that much-needed hug. You have it in you to give it to yourself. Besides, the "hug" is a metaphor; what you really want is to be out of pain. Getting out of that pain is all up to you, Trin. It really is.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Nov 06, 2008
 Birmingham
by: Hayley

Hi Trin, how you feeling today?

You really were messed up weren't you? The bad attitude you mentioned really jumped out at me. Why? Because people accuse me of having the same. One of those being my mum on many occasions. It took balls to stand up to someone who was hurting your mom, that guy was a coward and your mom was down right ungrateful for turning you in. Fair play for taking that risk though.

One of the reasons that my mom says I have a bad attitude is because I refuse to be complaisant to her wishes. I was for about five years when my brother was abusing me. Now through counselling I am beginning to find out who I really am. Parts of me I don't like, but other parts I do. Like you I have been in trouble with the police, thankfully only once and for a minor offence. As a result, hardly anyone would actually employ me. I am now a Health Care Assistant at a hospital 10 miles from where I live, but absolutely love it. I am actually able to join in with colleagues, and while still an easy target for leg pulling, am a lot happier.

when you do go to jail, good luck. If you get a chance to have counselling while you are inside then take it. It will bring back painful memories, but you will learn how to deal with them. Hopefully you will get in into your head that you are not the one with a bad attitude. You're a good person, you acted out because of a need to make things up to yourself. You did it in the wrong way with the thefts and the assaults, but you also did it in a good way by going to uni and getting a good qualification.

Hang on in there Trin, you're a good person that's just gone seriously off the rails. Use the jail time to get back on them and discover and show people who you really are, not the person that your mom treated you like and has spiralled into recidivism.
Nov 07, 2008
 okay
by: Anonymous

okay.
i feel bad for you,
but even though you have been through alot,
there is no reason in the world to hit your
girlfriend.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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