Comments for Child Abuse Story From Tonya2

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Sep 20, 2008
Painful memories...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Tonya, I understand all too well the pain of a mother who sees you as the "other woman." Her words were the ultimate in betrayal. You needed her the most during that time, and she wasn't there for you. Add that to the fact that she didn't believe you in the first place, not until someone else shared the story about his daughter, you were left completely abandoned and alone. Your mother was deeply confused and had twisted ideas about what actually happened. It was her job to protect you and keep you safe from harm; she failed on that count big time. Perhaps her distorted view on the matter was her way of avoiding taking some of the responsibility for what happened to you.

You asked if it's possible to block out certain memories when they are just too painful: yes, it is absolutely possible. The human brain works in miraculous ways to protect us from further emotional harm. Memories release themselves for a variety of reasons, for example: any number of triggers can set it off; as time goes by and the person gains more self-assurance the memory is uncovered. Digging deeper could result in recovered memories; but then what? Ask yourself, will forcing those memories to the surface truly help me in my healing?

Tonya, what if there was another way, a way to look at what you think about those memories that can truly help you? You can't change the past and you can't live in it, either. You can only live in the present moment. You've already been in therapy. Consider some reading material. I recommend anything written by Byron Katie, in particular though, her book titled Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life.

And just for the record, Tonya, your story was the perfect length.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Sep 22, 2008
Stronger than anything.
by: Anonymous

i just wanna say how strong i think u are for going through all that. that had to be hardest thing to go through then anything that i have faced in my life. i just look at my life sometimes and think that i have the worst life ever and really when u think about it i don't. and i regret saying that because their are kids today going through what u went through.
So i look up to people like u for staying strong like u did.

Oct 25, 2008
Find strength from within !
by: Abhi

You did went through a difficult phase and the most difficult being the lack of support from your mom and the way she blamed you for no fault of yours. Adults should understand that when sexual abuse starts in childhood, the child never understands whats going on and takes it as a secret game to play even though he/she does not get it painful.So went in progresses into adulthood, one just doesn't have the courage to speak. So you were at no fault of yours. Still I appreciate the work done by your friend to get the counselor at the right time or things have gone more worse. Just find strength from within yourself and give your kids a great trouble free future.. God bless you.

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