Comments for Child Abuse Story From Tina-Lou

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Mar 05, 2008
Denial is ALL about your mother; not you
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Tina-Lou, your mother's denial is all about her and her ego; it has nothing, I repeat NOTHING, to do with you. She has serious problems. She chose her vile husband over you, her precious daughter. It's not that she doesn't believe you; it's that she can't face up to her own choices and her own enabling behaviour. Admitting what he did would mean that she would have to admit that she chose a sex offending husband. Admitting what he did would mean she'd have to face the fact that she failed you as your mother, because not only did she fail to protect you, she willingly allowed a molester into her home and THEN allowed the sexual abuse to continue by not doing anything to stop it. There would have been signs, signs that she ignored. Right now, she's in the throws of grief, and she may be idolizing the man she married, choosing to discount any of his shortcomings, let alone his criminally sexual behaviour toward you. THESE are the reasons she won't acknowledge what she knows to be the truth. So please believe me when I say, this really is not about you.

As for your stepfather's ridiculous assertion that you were "flaunting" yourself: What a twisted and ludicrous claim. I'm surprised that he even admitted what he did, but not at all surprised that he would put the blame on you. Offenders are cowards who do not take responsibility or accept accountability for their criminal behaviour. I hope you know that it wasn't your fault. It will never BE your fault. He was the adult; you were the child. He had all the power; you had none. What a horrible way for you to have grown up.

I've dealt with this issue on this site before, Tina-Lou. Two comments you might find helpful are at the URLs below. When you get to the pages, just scroll down to the appropriate spot, near the bottom of the page.
  • Comments dated January 13, 2008 by Darlene Barriere to Why doesn't my family believe me? titled: Familial denial

  • Comments dated January 21, 2008 by Darlene Barriere to Why do families—mothers—abandon incest victims? titled: Misplaced loyalties
Your decision to look for a support group is a good one, Tina-Lou. It can be very beneficial to learn that many others are dealing with similar situations. The sad fact is, many are forced to deal with this form of betrayal and abandonment. Perhaps a support group will help you gain some comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 05, 2008
Um.
by: L.L.S. Buffalo

My brother in law crawled into bed with me when I was deathly ill at the age of 13. He fondled and overpowered me. He did other things to me all the time I lived there for 2 years. I'm sorry I haven't ever said them out loud to anyone or even wrote them down. I wish I could do it now and I don't even know you. it wouldn't make any difference in a bad way, and yet still I can't spill it. The guilt and all is horrid. Even therapy couldn't get that one out of me.

He also threatened to hurt me in all sorts of ways if I didn't do as I was told. My point is, that he denied it and my sister disbelieved me, too.
Denial. When people deny it it's one of 2 things in my opinion:
-they fear the law &/ or family reaction
-they feel guilty

He eventually came clean. My sister and he both knew he was guilty. In your situation thay all know. It hurts or they are afraid but screw them. Tell them so. Go to therapy and tell them off.

I look at it this way. I want to do charity for fire victims, write my book and laff a lot. I am doing it all and I am proud of me. God is too. I can feel it. You live your life and talk to nice people who can help you. You don't want to care too much about them and thier issues. We believe you. Your real dad is God and He knows and stuff.

I'm 41 and my story is under this name if you want to read it. just live and die happy. ihope all this isn't too sappy for you. I don't edit my thoughts when I respond to people. i let it out and what comes out...I leave for you to read. You OK? I sure hope you listen and live. Just live your life for yourself and God.

Mar 06, 2008
Mother
by: Tina-Lou

The bad thing is when I went to visit my mother in January I asked her about her relationship with my stepfather. She said she hadn't loved him for years and despised him.....That makes it worse that she doesn't believe me.They started sleeping apart over thirty years ago,and according to my half sister talked about getting divorced many times. I knew that would never happen though as my mother could never hack it by herself!Before she met my step father she was living with another man and he beat the snot out of her, she didn't leave him either. She called herself his wife and used his last name but they never married and then she ran away with one of their friends, my step father and called herself his wife also, they didn'y marry until my half sister was about two years old I think. The only person I belive she has ever loved is my half sister and cats and dogs. Why did she still take my step fathers side when she didn't even love him? That makes it even worse. She once tried to hit my step father with a fire poker according to my step sister, and he broke her foot in a fight, nice couple eh? Their idea of fun was to get drunk every night and insult me when I was a child, my mother would call me ugly etc. I know I sound very bitter and I am. I was never allowed to have friends over and she dressed me like a forty year old woman......Gosh I need some help

Mar 10, 2008
praying for you!
by: Anonymous

I will deffentily be praying for you and i think your mother is in denial. For any man to sit there (well i wouldnt consider them men) but if they are doing that to a poor innocent child then. he is flat out messed up and your mother knows that but i will pray that she stops being in denial and puts her child before a male like she is suppose to but im glad you are here telling your story ill pray for you get help there are millions of people who have stories like yours and who is willing to help God bless!!

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