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Jan 18, 2012
Therese:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I've been posting visitor stories of abuse on this website for over 7 years now. If you've read some of them and the comments I've left, you know that I am a firm believer that distancing oneself from family is sometimes necessary for healing to begin. Not only that, you must protect your child from this pedophile. Your sister IS in denial; and her denial has put her children at risk. Whether or not your mother "comes around" or "takes your side" isn't the point any longer. The little girl in you wants that because she never got it when it really matter. But the adult you understands that it is too little too late. Especially given the way they treated you after you disclosed: like you were sick in the mind. It is particularly disturbing to me that even therapists and other professionals didn't take it seriously. And while I realize you were betrayed by those professionals, I still urge you to seek out some form of counselling now in order to help you deal with all the repercussions. Incest by marriage isn't a reality, but betrayal by family certainly is. And that kind of betrayal leaves the deepest scars. You didn't deserve to be sexually abused, Therese. You didn't deserve to be abandoned by the two people who meant the most to you. And you certainly didn't deserve to be constantly exposed to the man who abused you. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that all this happened. As for "punishing" your family members with your daughter, that hurts YOU more than it does them. However, as her mother you must protect your daughter. Just don't make the mistake of convincing your Self that you're protecting her while you're actually punishing them. Always come from a place of love. And one that note, I send you love, light and positive energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Jan 19, 2012
you have the power
by: Jill

Therese,
Your sister's husband and your family are the ones creating problems, not you. When people can't feel their feelings, they create problems and attribute them to others just to get a high from it, which is what your family keeps doing around you. You have always done the right thing by telling all these years. Their problem was never yours. Believe in you, what happened was real and your story matters. You can turn your anger around into action by seeing that you do know what's right and that as an adult you have the power to do something about it.

In the big picture, your family's in total denial and they have no intention of changing. Your mom may be talking, but she's not doing anything. She's never said the right things to you and there's no excuse for that. The only thing she should have ever done was be open w/ you about what happened and protect you and she didn't. Her behavior is incredibly dysfunctional and you need to trust yourself instead of waiting for her. She and your sister never had a real, healthy relationship with you even if they seemed "close", they weren't, it was just a mask for the problems underneath.

Make the changes in your life that help protect you and your daughter from abuse so you can have a healthy open relationship w/her. Never again feel bad for this! An abuser's or enabler's behavior isn't your problem. Continuing to hang out with your family for any reason hugely puts your daughter at risk because anyone, not just your BIL is suspect in your family's permissive environment. He may not have been the only one to have abused other family members that aren't telling. Your sister's complete denial tells me that it's possible she was abused as a child and isn't connecting to it. Her kids may be abused and can pass it on you your daughter.

P.S. Unfortunately, I've met many counselors who strangely enough enable dysfunctional family systems and don't want to talk about sexual abuse, especially incest. Crazy, because it mirrors the family! As soon as I figured this out, I moved on and found sources who were actually helpful and made huge leaps in recovery. You will too.

Best wishes.

Jan 20, 2012
Wow
by: Anonymous

Yeah like the title says...wow... I can't imagine how I would be like, it was awfull. No one deserves to be treated like that especially not from your own family!
That man...go to hell -_-
But you got a family and kids now. Now you know how important it is to be a good mother, you can be that kind of mother to your kids you never had. Be a better one.
I wish you good luck in the future ~


- Anonymous person

Jan 21, 2012
Therese
by: Rita M

Why should it matter now?This is what you are asking and I want you to know it MATTERS.Please
don't put a time limit on anything.You really need to understand that you have the rights to speak up.You have held yourself back for along time now and you b-i-l has gotten away with it too much and for too long.I know it goes a longways back.So what I am suggesting is to break the cycle.Get your rights back.He had no fear of what he did why should you fear?Take your stand here have the floor and go right to it.Put strong boundries up.It doesn't matter who believes you at this point just get it out.Let your family know how you feel.If your can't do it like that then maybe write it all down.Sometimes writing it down makes the messege sink in deeper then saying it.One way or another you need to break the cycle.It is no doubt that you are a good wife and a good mother but it will make you become stronger
for them and you will have better confidence in yourself.Just take the bull by the horns.You can also press charges against this sexual nut.By doing this your family will probably will see that you are serious and come to you and treat you with respect.That would be the ideal thing,At least do it for yourself and your little family.
Your will to live will increase because you have
stood up against your b-i-l.Please go for councelling.If you are not satisfied then keep
looking.There are many traind people around you and would love to help you because you are worth it.Life has alot to offer.Take advantage of it.
My slogan here I will not die for any fool or abuser or loser of any kind.You deserve happiness,
take it,it's for you.

Rita M

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