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Nov 16, 2009
Make no mistake, emotional abuse is THE most difficult to overcome...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The promise you've made yourself can be realized now, but it means you must rise above the lies you've been taught to believe about yourself. And they are lies. You are NOT worthless. You ARE worthy. You ARE lovable. You see, the promise you've made yourself must start with you; YOU must learn to love yourself before you can start loving anyone else. Your parents are messed up, full of anger and hostility from their own abusive pasts. So why ever would you believe anything they have to say about you? It seems far more realistic that whatever they say, the opposite must be true. Every day you refuse to allow love into your heart, you harden it that much more. Is there risk to loving? Yes, but it's a risk worth taking. Waiting two years to allow yourself to start loving is a very long time; one that may cost you a lifetime. Please consider contacting one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. First and foremost, you need someone to listen to you. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 17, 2009
to you
by: Anonymous

i know how you feel and just like you said don't ever give up and keep trying, i got out of that siduation along time ago but ifelt alone and not wanted either but i had faith in myself and gave it a chance and now i am happy with my boyfriend and the family members that actually cared so much they took me in when i had no other place to go, all im saying is just hang in there you have your whole life ahead of you don't give up. give it another try and believe in yourself that you can do it... hope you can solve this just don't hurt yourself becuase of it..... god put you on this earth for a reason don't let satan pull you down into his trick stay strong....

Nov 17, 2009
were alike
by: Scott Canada

Hi lonely girl, you ll find my story on here...My home life sounds so much like yours, though my parents could be seen hugging and kissing and loving one another, that wasn't in dispute. It was my fathers inability to show affection to his sons, me.
My father didnt know how to show love to his boys because his father showed none to him. Not a touchy feely bunch unless we were getting knocked around.

I was such a cute boy that all the older girls(sister,friends,cousins) just loved to suckle on me and squeeze my cheeks. They though I was so cute, and I was. My father took that out of me with relentless and very destructive verbal and psychological abuse. It tore me apart irrevocably.
Still today the damage is evident and at times I can still hear his words...."dummy". He liked using that one. I still have self esteem issues. I believe that my father disliked that I was so cute. I wont say feminine, but a very sencitive soul.That is all gone. That has died and wont come back.

My most traumatic physical abuse happened at school back when teachers were allowed to "spank" kids. Being stripped for a bare bottom spanking in front of all your classmates is something that still follows me in the small community I live in today. 36 years later. Not to say my fathers physical abuse wasn't traumatic.

You see, I understand what your feeling. The wanting to just disappear. Get lost in books or whatever. I too pushed many people away. Still do. Don't want to be vulnerable. The teachers exposure of me took care of that. Her and my daddy.
I have grown hard in order to not seem vulnerable and lovable. A shell to help weather the world. Its sad, I miss the little guy I was.
I too sat silent in class. A whole year I sat alone in my thoughts. I failed grade 8 and dint care. No one could find me.
I hope things get better for you. Good luck.


Nov 18, 2009
You are a person of value
by: Hello Kitty:-)

Hello, lonely girl, this is Hello Kitty, wishing you good, hopeful, empathetic cheer. I want you to know that somewhere out there, you CAN finally be happy. You are a beautiful, intelligent, and bright girl; so, NEVER ever listen to those who just want to hear from you, but will NEVER help you. Behind Hello Kitty, this girl who wrote this message of cheer knows that Jehovah God will, in the end, eradicate your pain and sorrow. My heart goes out for you and I pray to Jehovah for poor heart-torn creatures like you. DO NOT let these monsters who abused to you afflict and inflict you any more, any longer, any further! ;-)

Dec 08, 2009
i know how u feel
by: Anonymous

i live in almost the same situation except i don't know about my parents past all i know is when they get angry because of stuff that happened at work they take it out on me. don't give up because like you i constantly remind my self that as soon as i graduate highschool i can leave.
good luck hope u stay strong

Dec 14, 2009
You have insight, and that is a tremendous gift.
by: Anonymous

I'm really sorry you've had the kind of childhood that you have, but I want you to know and believe that at 15 years of age your life is one of immense possibilities. Do not let the failures of your parents define the rest of your life.

It is obvious from what you wrote that you are very introspective, and that you have the gift of insight. It truly is a gift, and it is one that will help you to understand and help others when they feel alone in the world. This is something you should be proud of. You could have gone so many other directions in your young life, but you weathered the emotional abuse and became a better and more aware person.

I was emotionally abused as well, with the smatterings of physical abuse (usually in a humiliating way) much like what you describe. The effects on your life and self image are immense, and they are insidious. But they are not insurmountable. I am incredibly blessed with a very wonderful and beautiful child who is well adjusted and happy (only four years younger than you). Someday you may have a 15 year old of your own, and they will be so lucky to have you, because you will understand what they need and you will be able to give them the love and understanding that you didn't get enough of.

Believe in yourself, and know that you are valuable, unique, and a very important part of the world. Without you the world would be less. That's not empty rhetoric. It's true. You have insights that your parents never developed. That is part of your strength.

Keep reading, and have dreams. Big dreams. Your life is just starting, and you can be and do anything.

Feb 23, 2010
loving little things.
by: Anonymous

Dear Lonely -
While my experience wasn't quite as hard as yours, there are some similarities. I know that it can be difficult to love... esp. as your parents can't love you. But you can learn to love yourself despite what your family says. Then it will be easier to start loving and trusting others. I too didn't know how to trust - and I too escaped into the world of books, but through them, I learned to love the little things - snowflakes, trees, sunsets - the everyday miracles that my parents could not tamper with. I knew that this trueness in my soul (the love for these things) meant that I couldn't be the completely awful person my parents said I was. You know that you're not doing anything wrong - you can feel it. You know you don't deserve the burdens that your parents place on you.
Please hang on to the truth that is at the center of your being - that you are good - that you can love - that you are a good person.
I want to quickly share a story about someone who was in a situation like yours. He was a friend of my uncle's and they both came to stay with us for two weeks while working on our house. While a recovering alcoholic, he was delightful, funny and hard working. When it was time for him to go, he seemed a bit down and said it had been a wonderful two weeks - he said he couldn't believe that there hadn't been a single fight. Later, my uncle told me that he'd grown up in a house like yours - full of fighting and badmouthing. He had never experienced a household like ours where love rules (I didn't grow up with love, but made sure my kids do!!). BUT still, he was all those positive things - but going back home was very, very hard for him. Don't wait two years to find friends - You may be surprised at how wonderful friendship is and what good things you have to offer, just as they may have to offer you. Also, keep in mind that the parents of your friends may offer you some of the emotional support and acceptance that you need. Many of my friends' parents didn't know what I was going through, but were still so kind and loving to me that it helped me to realize that it was only at home that I was so heavily disliked. You may find the same. God bless!
J

Dec 16, 2010
All are lonely, lonely all.
by: Anonymous

All are lonely, lonely all.you are not alone; but part of all lonely people. that's how we are related!Why did you share your feeling here? Do you think we, those are writing comment, can be your friend? No.But we can act 'as friend'.All the people you see with friends,boys and girls, are 'as friends'/'as lovers'. you must rely on this 'as it is so'.

About your childhood experiences: you are pre-judging a lot.Every child has only one childhood.You don't know how much more pathetic(?) it can be.I have seen a lot.

Clear-off all the parental thoughts. nobody brought us in this world! nobody knows who did and why! but still we 'are' and will have to 'be'.Loneliness is one of the constant strengths of mankind.Use it.Don't regret it.

Things will appear as you see it.

Sorry, if my words hurt you.

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