Comments for Child Abuse Story From Tess1

Click here to add your own comments

Jun 09, 2008
Not your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Addiction to sex in adolescence and adulthood can definitely be explained with childhood sexual abuse. Tess, at every corner you were assaulted by someone you trusted: your uncle, your teacher, your grandpa, your father—yes, you read correctly, your father sexually assaulted you! You were "sexualized" at a very young age because of these assaults. You were vulnerable and were taken advantage of by the very people in charge of keeping you safe. You learned what you lived.

Let me be clear here, while your behaviour at fourteen years old was inappropriate, you cannot be held accountable for it. There's a reason 14-year-olds (and 16-year-olds) still live with their parents. There's a reason they aren't given wholly adult responsibilities. Adolescent brains are not done growing. But here you are now, a fully-grown woman putting the blame on a 14-year-old (and 16-year-old) for the ultimately sex offending behaviour of adults. It doesn't matter if you had run around your house buck naked, your father had a responsibility to tell you each and every time you were being "seductive," and in no uncertain terms, to "Put your clothes on" and "Close the door when you're changing" and "Wear something appropriate" and any other statement that needed saying to address your inappropriate behaviour. Your father owed it to you to set boundaries, not set himself on you. That's why he can't look at you now. That's why he's so distant. He knows that what he did was fail you as a father. He knows that what he did was morally and legally wrong. He's deeply ashamed of himself. He's the one who must bear the blame here, Tess, not you. It wasn't your fault. I offer the same sermon for the way things went down with your girlfriend's rapist father.

And as I read your story, I kept asking myself why it was that someone didn't realize that your behaviour was a huge red flag of sexual abuse somewhere in your life. I asked myself, where was her mother.

Tess, you need help dealing with this. I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling in order to help you put what happened to you as a child into proper perspective. A professional may be able to help you with your adult relationships as well. But whatever you decide, please stop putting adult values on decisions you made as a teenager. You're not being fair to yourself by doing so.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 10, 2008
That is awful
by: Hayley

Hi Tess, how are you feeling today. What happened to you is not your fault. I know it's hard to think otherwise, but it isn't. It is horrific to have to go through this ordeal, but the real losers are the people that raped and abused you. You are most definitely not a loser, and just because you dress/dressed in a slutty manner, it doesn't mean you are one. Who has told you that you are a loser and a slut? They are seriously warped, as much as the men who touched you when they should have kept their filthy hands to themselves.

Get yourself counselling, and if possible look into reporting these people if it is allowed to make historical reports. You are a very brave young woman who has been through sheer hell at the hands of predators who satisfied their own desires and used you to do it. Be a kid if you want, there's nothing wrong with that at all. Might seem a bit strange a 25 year old watching kids programmes but hey I still wish that The Sooty Show could be brought back and I'm 29! Good luck with your recovery Tess. You are such a strong person that you will get over this at some point in your life.

Jun 12, 2008
To Tess:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm posting this in an effort to release the other comments currently in queue for this submission; there is a system glitch that has yet to be resolved. My sincere apologies for the delay in getting these comments to appear on this page. I realize it's an inconvenience, but rest assured, I continue to work at trying to fix this problem.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Write Your Child Abuse Story.

Return to Child Abuse Story From Tess1

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...

Most Recent

  1. The reasons I've been absent

    Nov 14, 17 01:30 PM

    It's been another challenging time for me. As I actively work toward an online program for survivors of sexual abuse, I've also had to deal with issues at home. Hubby has been diagnosed with 2 types o…

    Read More

  2. I Self Medicate

    Jun 26, 17 04:40 PM

    When I was 3 we left Illinois for Arizona. The day we left my grandfather had a heart attack and died. I have one uncomfortable grainy memory of him. I

    Read More

  3. Ongoing Abuse

    Jun 06, 17 03:03 PM

    I'm 15/16. I am still getting abused physically, mentally and verbally by my family especially my mother. I don't understand what to do to overcome this.

    Read More

E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...