Comments for Child Abuse Story From Tess

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May 10, 2008
When no one reports, abuse is allowed to go on...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The family you lived with when you were 5 years old, Tess, had likely abused others and is likely still abusing others. What those twin boys and their father did to you was heinous. None of it was your fault, no matter what you did or did not do. The sex offending father in that family should be in prison for the rest of his days. His twin sons are close to being, or are actually, adults now. If they themselves aren't already in prison for sexual assault, they probably eventually will be, but not unless someone reports.

Tess, you didn't deserve to be dealt such a raw hand, not once, not twice, but a multitude of times. You deserved to have loving, caring, nurturing and supportive parents, parents who expected nothing in return for their unconditional love and affection. You've now developed a thick skin, an emotional detachment in order to cope with all that is lacking in your life.

Tess, don't take the "nice" foster parents you have now for granted. You and I know what I'm talking about here. Yes, you've been through hell and back again, but they aren't responsible for that. Respect yourself enough to be respectful to them. If you continue to live with the expectation that what you are looking for in parents will come in the future, you'll miss what you have in the Present moment.

I'm glad you finally told about the abuse you've suffered, even if only through this website. It's the first step toward healing. I truly hope you find someone you trust in order to disclose personally what's happened to you. You so deserve to have someone like that in your life, Tess. While trust is earned, sometimes we have to take risks. And though those risks can open us up to be hurt even further, sometimes in taking a chance on someone, we find more than we could ever have hoped for. Whatever your decisions are, Tess, make them from a pure heart, from a truly Inner place.

I wish you all the best, dear.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 17, 2008
I'm so sorry
by: Anonymous

Tess,
I'm not sure you look at this page often or even how long ago you posted your story. I just wanted to say that your story touched me. It makes me so angry that people think just because we are girls we were put on this earth to be used and abused. Know this, you are a strong person. And you are worth being loved and cherished. I wish you luck and I am so sorry that I can't do anything more than write words for you.

May 29, 2008
Thank You
by: Tess

I just wanted to say tanks to all those who commented on my story. It was hard to tell, but I'm glad I did it. I have moved to another foster home, this time a much older couple with a daughter in college, and somehow I have alot more confidence about this one. I have a friend from my old school who I have become close to over the years, and I am considering sharing my story with her, thanks to everyone's support here. I plan to show her this story online, saying look, this person has the same name as me, isn't this horrible, I'm looking at child abuse for a project, or something like that, and then I'll work up the courage to tell her that this person is me. Wish me luck.

May 31, 2008
How do you pour your heart out when there's no one to talk to?
by: Tess

First of all, I want to thank all those in charge of this website for the support for all these people.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I'm lost. I have no friends, no real family...who can I talk to? I want to tell someone, but I can't. I'm telling you, I'm stuck. I mean really, what can I do? I'm not in an abusive family, so its not like I can turn anyone in. Besides, that would just send me to another home. And like I said, I have no one to talk to. And please tell me, is there such thing as a foster HOME? I mean a real HOME? I never knew the meaning of this word from personal exeperience. And I realize that, Darlene, you always say "You deserve a great home" and things like that (with all respect, I'm not trying to critisize your responses, just to get an answer I didn't already know), but some people don't always get what they deserve, right? I'm so confused. Please help - I'm desperate.

May 31, 2008
To Tess:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Firstly, I thank you for the thank you. But I also want you to know that this is a one-woman website. EVERYTHING that goes through this site is either done by me or approved by me. I do have many visitors, just like you, who dedicate some of their personal time to offering supportive, encouraging and validating comments to other visitors. Most of these people are themselves child abuse survivors who have written their own personal stories for this site. Each and every one of them is special; and I feel a tremendous amount of respect for the fact that they are so willing to help others who have had to endure horrible abuse at the hands of the people who should have been protecting them.

You DO DESERVE to have a loving home, Tess. That's your birthright. Sadly, it doesn't mean that's what you, or any other child, will get.

Tess, when I write my comments, I make no promises. I address what I believe needs to be addressed for each person. When I sense a self-esteem problem, I tailor my comments toward building self-esteem. When I sense that someone believes they deserve to be mistreated, I direct my comments in that area. When I believe someone is trying to manipulate me, I do my best to pinpoint the underlying issues, while still keeping my tone respectful. I expect to be respected in return; and when I'm not respected, I sometimes opt to ban the person from leaving comments or submissions on my site.

There are people you can talk to: a Boys and Girls Club, for example. Another resource is Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. Perhaps they can offer other organizations you can turn to in your area that will provide a positive program, one that will help to build your self-esteem, one that will help you find yourself and any talents that you haven't had the opportunity to develop.

Tess, you are incredibly smart and clever. If you think you will never find happiness in a foster home, then you will create what you think. If you are always suspicious of your foster parents—and I understand only too well that you have good reason to be suspicious—then you will always be disappointed. Sometimes in life we have to take risks, even when we've been hurt by taking that risk in the past. Tess, the only person you can change is you. Although you can't change the way you feel, when you change the way you think that has the effect of changing the way you feel.

As before, I wish you all the best.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 12, 2008
so happy
by: Anonymous

so happy ur truly happy u deserve it!!!!!

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