Comments for Child Abuse Story From Taylor

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Jul 08, 2008
Additional information and a resource to contact...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Taylor, as a male, you have faced or are facing some unique problems. If you haven't already, please read through the following pages on this site for more information: I don't know how old you are now, Taylor, so in case you are still a minor, I suggest you contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the sexual abuse and bullying you have been forced deal with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Make no mistake, what you've described IS abuse.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 09, 2008
As a guy, I totally get where you're coming from
by: Andrew

Taylor, you were groomed and sexually assaulted- period. Michelle manipulated a young impressionable boy and sucked him in so that before he knew it he was her victim, and then taught your sister to do the same.

You know that attitude out there that it can't be rape or sexual assault because guys want anything they can get? It's complete crap- testosterone is irrelevant. You were a young boy wanting it to stop and your mother failed you and your cousin and sister violated you- your cousin abusing your trust as a figure of authority and your sister using that violation of trust to blackmail you. Both wrong and both inexcusable and that's all there is to it.

If it's still happening, then you need to take a stand to make it stop no matter how old you are- I can tell you firsthand that these things don't just go away with childhood ending- they carry through to your adult life unless you make them stop!

You were abused, you were the victim and there's no shame or weakness in that, it just means you were a kid taken advantage of in a postion of power- the shame is Michelle's and Amber's to bear.

The funny thing about power though is that taking it back is as easy as making a choice. It's your body and it's your call as to who gets access to it-period! You've made the first step by posting here which as a guy and with the way society views any kind of abuse a guy suffers from (compared to women), that requires WAY more guts than it does for a woman to say something- well done! You've already made the first step and the rest will come just as easily.

Aug 19, 2012
mom's role
by: My Two Cents

Hi, Taylor, I've been aware of your story for quite a while & I have tried to comment several times but it never felt "right". I had to use some conjecture in my comments below just to HIGHLIGHT what your mom may have been doing.

I find it interesting that in your introduction you wrote that you were abused by your mom & cousin. You didn't describe your mom participating in the abuse directly, just that you went to her & asked if you could bath yourself at age 10 & she basically said, "No, Taylor, it's Michelle's job to give you & Amber a bath. She's your babysitter.". You didn't mention Amber as one of your abusers, perhaps because she was manipulated into abusing you by Michelle & I suspect, your mom.

I understand Michelle being excited when the opportunity to give a boy a bath & handle his privates came up. An 11 year old girl would be curious about male gentiala. What I have felt for a long time about your story is that your mom was a direct participant in this sexual abuse by encouraging it. I think something like this happened:

*Note: conjecture*

I think Michelle was washing your privates, or doing something that caused you to have an erection, she noticed your involuntary erections & mentioned them to your mom perhaps something like, "wow, Taylor's penis gets hard when I wash it." & I think your mom probably got excited about hearing this. Maybe she made a comment such as "That means you did a good job, Michelle. A boy's penis needs to be washed thoroughly. Keep up the good work!"

When I think of peeping & voyuerism in the context of child sexual abuse, what I normally think of is looking at children while they are nude in the tub, changing their clothes, or taking "innocent" pornographic snapshots of them in the nude. However, voyuerism can be practiced though having conversations with Michelle such as, "Hey, Michelle, did Taylor enjoy his bath tonight?" maybe while you are standing right there having her fingers tussle your hair as Michelle replies, "Oh, yes, auntie, he got stiff tonight" and your mom adds "It sounds like you're doing a great job Michelle."

By having conversations like that with Michelle in private and in front of you & Amber, your mom is normalizing the abuse, letting you know that it is "ok" & giving Michelle permission to continue. I strongly suspect that your mom got a sexual charge from hearing about your bath, especially the details about washing your privates. I think if Michelle mentioned that Amber was also touching you, that your mom encouraged this.

Now, we come to the point where you have your mom allowing Michelle to touch you in the tub, & now Amber is also allowed to touch you. You have been shown through actions that this is permitted & possibly though words as well that it is ok and normal. In other words, you've been groomed.

Part 2 coming!

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Aug 19, 2012
mom's role, part 2
by: My Two Cents

Now, back to your mom. I believe she was aware of what was happening, & that she encouraged it. So now you're being bathed nightly by two girls who are stimulating your gentials so that you have several erections during each bath. This happens from 6 to 10 when you start puberty and Michelle can see the changes - pubic hair, erections quicker. I'm sure she comments on this to your mom.

Now, along with pubtery, you've probably started to get a sense that this isn't normal. You go talk with your mom. She basically says, "No, Taylor, it's Michelle's job to give you and Amber a bath. She's your babysitter". Because I think she knows exactly what is happening in the bathroom when Michelle gives you your bath, I think she got a sexual charge from learning that you were embarassed to be seen naked by Michelle & Amber, and having your private parts being washed by them as well. I suspect that she was talking to Michelle & possibly Amber about what happened in the bathroom. If this did happen, it would have been another way for her to encourage Michelle to continue the abuse & normalize it further so you & Amber accepted it.

When you turn 13 and are coming back from the quarry, Michelle exposes you, comments on the size of your gentials & proceeds to come into your bedroom to masturbate you. The odd thing is she told you not to tell your mom.

I wonder if my conjecture is wrong at this point because your mom has been letting her sexually abuse you every night in the tub from ages 6 to 13 (?), why would she care if Michelle continued to sexually abuse you outside the bathroom?

Part 3 coming.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Aug 19, 2012
mom's role, part 3
by: My Two Cents

To conclude, I have very strong words and thoughts about what your mom is. If I am correct in my "read" of what has happened to you, she has basically trained two girls to be child molesters and used them as proxies to sexually abuse you. I had to use some conjecture to paint that picture so I could be wrong, but I find it difficult to believe that your mom didn't know what was going on. I mean, she has a boy & a girl nude in the tub in front of each other & their teen/adult babysitter from the ages (yours) of 6-13? You went to your mom with your discomfort & she blew it off.

She is the adult. Even if Michelle was a born predator & went to her & said, "I'll babysit for free if I can give Taylor his bath and wash his privates". One expects that a mature adult who is a parent would take steps to prevent all of this from happening -

UNLESS SHE WANTED IT TO HAPPEN.

I really suspect that something similar to my conjecture was going on during your abuse. Your mom is the worse kind of offender I have seen because she is cunning & manipulative & abused through proxies. Did you notice for example that in both your story & my conjecture that there is NO direct evidence that your mom did anything. Unless Michelle took pornographic pictures/movies of you in the bathroom or bedroom and gave these photos/videos to your mom & your mom kept them....

I hope I've given you a fresh perspective. I don't know if I'm correct, I just feel very strongly this happened and I have struggled to express it for a long time.

This experience you posted has rattle in my mind for so long, I'm glad I finally felt comfortable making a comment. When I read you story, that is what I have thought took place. Of course, proving it happened the way I think it did....

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Aug 20, 2012
mom's role, after thought
by: My Two Cents

I made a very lengthy comment that was separated into three parts. This is just my afterword.

I've been very harsh on your mom and in my three part comment, I used some conjecture to show what I think was happening during this time. I have no proof though so I could be completely wrong.

I am aware that there have been cases where the mother found out from child welfare that her husband was sexually abusing their daughter in the family home for something like 6,8,10 years etc and it was a complete shock to the mother when it was disclosed.

I don't think your mom was ignorant of what was happening. I believe that because:

1. I can't see you or Amber not commenting at some point to your mom. Maybe Amber said "Taylor has a big wee-wee" for example. You're being bathed with your younger sister from age 6 to 13?, by an older female teenager. It never came up that you got stiff when they touched you in the tub? They never discussed what was happening when you were stimulated to an erection?

2. If she did not directly encourage the sexual abuse from Michelle, she continued to expose you to situations where there molestion was possible under the guise of caregiving.

3. When you did speak up, mom did a couple of things. She told you that you were still a little boy (incapable of washing yourself) and that it was Michelle's job to bath you (it's ok for Michelle to wash you) and Amber.


I have really thought for a very long time that your mom's role in this abuse was minimized and I have really struggled to figure out how to lay this out. I hope I did a reasonable job of laying out what I think happened and why I think it's what happened.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Aug 20, 2012
Amber's role
by: My Two Cents

Taylor,

I don't believe there was only one victim here. I believe that 2 children were victimized here. I believe that your mom manipulated events so that you would be exposed to your cousin & sister, and I further believe that Amber becoming involved in the sexual abuse was encouraged and "egged on" by your mom and cousin both.

The story you posted is very honest and I got the sense that part of the bathing was "training" Amber to be a child molester. Look at what she is being taught from age 3 to 10 (?).

1.She baths with you from the time she is 3 til 10 (?) And both of you see each other naked on a nightly basis. You are both taught through Michelle washing your groin area that you have no such thing as "private" parts in the bath.

2.You did not mention anything in your story about Amber and Michelle talking but over 7 years I assume at several points Amber might have had some questions. "What's that thing Taylor has?" "Why does Taylor's pee-pee get so big?". I mean, kids are curious. This would have been a way for Michelle to normalize the abuse and make it seem like just another thing to wash in the bath, like your hair or legs.

3. Remembering that I believe your mom was participating in your sexual abuse through having voyeuristic conversations with Michelle and perhaps Amber, I think your mom may have actively encouraged Amber to molest you by having normal conversations with her about the bathing rituals.

So....Amber's grown up from 3-10, she's seeing Michelle molest you nightly, she's brought into the abuse herself by being allowed to touch you, or at least not actively discouraged from touching you. I think there were conversations with your mom and Michelle about this, and I think Amber was exposed to it, as another way to encourage her.

When you're older and she's touching you inappropriately around the house, she comes out with the fact that she knows what Michelle was doing to you, when you are telling her to stop. This makes me believe even more strongly that there was a voyueristic element to this abuse.

Your mom is the adult here. What on earth was she thinking?? Your story reads like she set you up to be molested and manipulated Amber into participating.

I have never seen a story like yours before, and I truly hope that means it is rare. I am so upset that you were abused so severely and your own family (mom, cousin, sister) were all participants in your abuse.

Aug 20, 2012
Michelle's role
by: My Two Cents

What is the age when a child knows better?

What Michelle participated in and encouraged through her actions makes me ill. But...

"She was only 11 when this started...."

How much responsibility does she bear? She is hired to babysit you and Amber. Part of her job is to give you both a bath. I think she noticed that you got erections when she washed your private parts and became curious.

I strongly believe that your mom set this up. I think Michelle may have mentioned to your mom, "Taylor gets erections in the bath, is there anything wrong?" & mom had the opportunity right there to put a stop to it. What if she instead said, "It's good for Taylor to have an erection in the bath." Something along those lines would have given Michelle permission to continue and let her know that your mom was fine with it.

If everything happened like I've written so far, your mom has paired her permission with a teenaged girl's curiousity. I'm not surprised that it continued.

At some point, Michelle probably found out this was wrong. She decided to continue. Why? Whatever the reason, this is the point at which I hold her responsible for stopping what is happening.

What is so extremely scary when it comes to Michelle is the thought that when she was younger, she may have been in Amber's role.

Every time I read your story, Taylor, I keep coming back to your mom, the only adult in this story. What in the world was she thinking??

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Aug 20, 2012
For Taylor
by: My Two Cents

Taylor,

I am so saddened to read what happened to you. Your story has really felt so....real to me,& I have felt I should comment on it for a long time. I just couldn't find the words to express myself until recently.

I think I posted something on the order of 6 separate comments now & I have been really harsh in those comments about your mother's actions. She is the adult here. I hold her directly responsible for what you went through & I strongly believe she *KNEW* what was going to happen. The problem is that there is no proof so I had to offer a lot of conjecture about what might have happened. It might not be posted for that reason.

I think your mom set this whole thing up at the beginning, knowing it was only a matter of time. I don't think there's anything you could have done to stop this. Your mom told you when you asked about bathing yourself, "No, you're still a little boy. Michelle will bath you." And by doing so let you know that Michelle had permission to bath & touch you.

Even if you had gone to someone & told them that Michelle & Amber were touching you in the tub, in North America it's highly likely that it would have been dismissed -

"This whatever year old boy says his 16 year old cousin and younger sister touch him in the tub. Gawd, I wish I was you! I never had a cute 16 year old wash me!" [would likely be the reply.]

The previous poster, I think his name is Andrew, has some really good advice and comments for you. So does Darlene.

I hope that you are safe and well. I hope whichever of my comments are posted do not cause you further pain and that they just expose another side to what you experienced.

And, Taylor....THANK YOU. I have wanted to see more stories like yours out there, stories that expose the fact that females can sexually abuse males. You accomplished this feat with your story and I will refer the next person who says "women don't sexually abuse" to your story and one other in here.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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