Comments for Child Abuse Story From TAB

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Feb 23, 2010
 TAB:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I care that you're alive. I care that you've taken the time to share your story here on my site, and in so doing, you've helped others. I care that you are a part of this world, because without you the world would not have an advocate for children, without you the world would not have a rescuer of animals. I care, and I believe that many others care too. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Feb 23, 2010
 Thank you for reading and posting my story
by: Anonymous

I am such a shell of a woman, but I keep plugging along as I only have special needs animals who are terminally ill and/or need rehabilitating due to their own horrifying abuse.

Thank you for reading my gruesome tale. I began writing my memoirs in October of 2008 and they are are 267+ pages and counting in the teeniest, tiniest font and I will never seemingly be done, but I am doing so in order to purge these horrible memories from my brain. In my case, because I have been in this heightened, frightened survival mode my entire life, my memory is as sharp as a tack; to this day, I recall my father dumping a cup over my head when I was not even two years old because I hated the taste (only to discover years later I was also lactose intolerant) and I STILL recall the milk within my eyelashes and realizing how thoroughly despised and hated I was by both parents. There was NO opportunity for voicing my dislikes or asserting myself against their incessantly cruel treatment and my brother made things worse by always laughing at my despair and chronic abuse and siding with them on everything. I swear I don't know how I have survived. The crying alone should have dehydrated me years ago.

Thank you for this extremely detailed and informative website. As I said in my original blurb, I am truly shocked over what I should have received in childhood just in terms of basic necessities. I only got underwear twice in my life * I swear, once I started working, I hoarded so much underwear because I never had any! I believe eBay exists for people who were so deprived in childhood. My parents always owned homes, although my father only put enough money into the bank to run the households; not one cent more, so he kept us in a very impoverished existence. I realize you withstood similar rigors and horrors and I am so upset that we are all such nice people and everybody tried to annihilate us like bugs under their shoes.
Feb 24, 2010
 Even animals would never treat their young so sadistically
by: Anonymous

TAB, I have the same idiotic system as you did growing up...and I can relate; in fact, no one ever believed me at all when I tried to tell them that my so-called family tried to destroy/kill me, so all they did is laugh at me, mock me, blame that abuse on me and even turn their backs on me. Anyways, what those beasts for parents did to you was and still is truly pathetic and ungrateful because they were and still are truly sick, cruel, twisted, malicious, insane and sadistic...not to mention control freaks with uneducated minds. They certainly did not deserve to have such a beautiful child like you, but most of all, my dear, you certainly did not deserve to have such cruel, uncaring, uneducated, unloving, ignorant, malicious, brutal, animalistic, barbaric, ruthless and sadistic parents; in fact, only real parents would never do such things to their own children. You should've really been loved and cherished, not to mention protected from harm. As for the very people who should've really listened to you and helped you in the first place (like those cowards for neighbors and doctors alike), I am truly disgusted about how those neighbors reacted to you running away from your so-called parents...and I am also sickened by those so-called doctors' reaction to you having chronic illness. I really hate people who choose child abusers over child victims! I hope that you will try counselling because you can always move on, unlike your abusers; in fact, they will get their karma. Be brave, TAB, and stay strong. I am hurting for you.
Feb 25, 2010
 TAB Here * Thank you for your compassionate reply
by: TAB

I just saw yet another tale on the news last night of a pediatrician in Delaware who has repeatedly sexually abused his young female patients and everybody knew and did NOTHING. Yes, people DO know these atrocities take place, but because children are always thought to be lying and exaggerating, they are continuously disbelieved and thus, abuse continues. Unless there is photographic proof, NOBODY believes a child's sobbing, hysterical story. Every day, when I get off the train from work, if I see a tiny girl walking down the train station's steps with her mother, I wonder HOW I could have POSSIBLY enraged my parents when I was such a tiny size/age. I couldn't talk or write from now until Forever and state what I went through and because everything falls loosely under the guise of corporal punishment, parents can do anything EXCEPT kill you and even if they succeed in killing you, they have their excuses, stories and alibis all lined up. Kids are afraid to report their parents because the abuse escalates. What a vicious cycle. I am reading the stories on here and am horrified over what we have all withstood. It seems one story is worse than the last and ALL the parents got off, Scott-Free. That is disturbing beyond belief.
Feb 25, 2010
 TAB
by: Anonymous

Tab, you are very courageous and stronger than you know. You are still here because that's the way it is meant to be. Just reading about how, in spite of your own abuse, you empathize with animals because of their fragility, shows that your ability to have compassion and love for others makes you way bigger than ANYTHING you went through. Even though you probably don't feel like it sometime, you are a true winner, a survivor. Keep your head up and stay positive and never ever look back to try a.nd make sense of what happened. Deal with it get through it therapeutically but move on from it for good afterward. You have a lot of living to do and a lot people to touch who will be helped through your story
Feb 26, 2010
 TAB I Love and Care for you
by: Bobbi

I know it is hard to believe sometimes but there are people like me out there who Love and care about you just because you exist. What you went through was horrible all the way around. When I tell people what I went through they are amazed that I am the caring loving person that I am today. When I read your story I was just as amazed. The only thing I know is that you will never understand their actions because you are not capable of being them, or thinking like them, which is a good thing. God has taken their horrible actions and allowed you to be a great person inspite of it. You posses a Love that is stronger than you probably realize. God does have a purpose for you. I hope that you find the peace and love that he offers.
Feb 26, 2010
 Thank you Bobbie and both Anonymous people
by: TAB

Do any of you have your own children, because I refuse to do so and pass those insane genes onto offspring.

Because I have a lifelong heart condition and chronic Migraine headaches, I wouldn't put any medical maladies onto offspring, but there is no way I would continue my parents' hideous gene pool. That is why I love animals and will always have them. They will not laugh at me or hit me or slam my head against the wall until it turns to mush. I don't know HOW what happened to Natasha Richardson with her ski accident did not cause me to die just from my head being repeatedly pummeled and squashed. For instance, when I got a bad grade in school, instead of the teachers EVER asking me if anything was wrong at home, my dad picked me up by my ankles and slammed me head downward onto my parents' bed over and over, while yelling at me at the top of his lungs while I screamed and cried in terror, begging for his forgiveness. My mom just stood there.

My mother never let UP about demanding to know what I was earning and when I said it was my business, she smashed me until I told her. Instead of allowing me to OFFER to pay toward the household expenses, there was always this DEMAND to do so, otherwise the physical pummelings would have grown worse. I feel so stupid I bought her gifts just to try and get ANY of her horrendous abuse to subside; those days are long gone and I am sick to death of hearing her complain * I NEVER call her; she calls me and I always feel obligated to call her back on MY dime. Believe me, these instances do not occur on even a remotely regular basis. I am disgusted with MYSELF for being abused and manipulated for so long, but I did what I could to survive until I could physically escape her clutches.

If I raised my hands just to cover my face, Mom yanked them downward with one hand and smashed me while screaming into my face like a rabid dog. Only ONE TIME, the day before my 30th birthday, when she smashed my head against the wall until it became a pulpy, bloody mess, did I shove her away from me and you would think I had literally assaulted her * she attacked me so ferociously, I told her to just go ahead and kill me. I swear I don't know HOW I didn't die, but in the back of my mind, seeing her monstrous gleam as she beat the &^%$ out of me, over and over, and viewing my bloody lips and blackened eyes and bruised arms, hands, legs, chest (I actually had my chest drained in 1989 and the doctor asked me why I had so much blood pooled and I couldn't tell him that every time I rode in my mother's car, she always smashed me across my chest, which is why so much blood had accumulated * I don't know HOW a blood clot didn't kill me) * so I never wanted to give my parents or my brother, who was ferociously verbally abusive to me, the satisfaction of knowing they had succeeded in either killing me, themselves, or killing me because I had finally succumbed to suicide.
Feb 26, 2010
 TAB
by: Anonymous

TAB, when I had just read your recent update, that really made me so angry that what that sadistic beast of a mother did to you prior to your 30th birthday really made my blood boil to no end. Please call the police on her because she is still insane and still needs to be locked up in prison for all those terrible crimes that she committed against you. Why some people want to abuse their children for fun, I will never understand. I really hope you're in a safe place now and that you will stay away from that loser scum of a mother. I wish you and all the animals that you take care of all the best. God bless.
Mar 01, 2010
 Bad fight again yesterday on the phone
by: TAB

With my mom. She kept insisting she wanted to come over and became abusive, calling me "ungrateful" when I declined. I asked her to stop putting me in an awkward predicament; I have a lot going on and do not wish to feel "obligated" to see her and especially pay for her things. It turned ugly and I screamed at her that she owes me $90,000.00 for all the ludicrous bills I paid of hers and all I want are the family photo albums, which are in storage in Pennsylvania. She laughed at me haughtily and I only have ONE corroded phot of my beloved cat, Toby, because she refuses to allow me access to her storage rooms. I pointed out I spent $20,000.00 storing her sh** when she abruptly stopped working, and I should have access to my belongings which accidentally wound up in her units, she screamed that I can have the items when she dies, even though she keeps writing me in and out of her will. I barked: "Why are you willing me MY ITEMS and how did they wind up mixed in with YOURS?!" It is so ugly and I was so angry all day yesterday. I have a heart condition and this is so unhealthy.
Mar 04, 2010
 I AM SORRY
by: Anonymous

You are a Beautiful creation of God. I am so sorry for your pain. You need to just forget about your mother, even though she is your mother. In her eyes you are nothing, but in God's, you are his daughter, and he loves you very much. Please don't kill yourself, just because your mother says you are nothing, she is lying. Your story breaks my heart. I LOVE what you do with animals, i love animals too. You were born for a reason, and becuase this happened to you, use it as a warning to EVERYONE. You should become a public speaker and encourage people to do something about child abuse.

And just so you know, even though no one listened then, I am listening now...
Mar 04, 2010
 SORRY
by: Anonymous

You are a beautiful creation of God. Please dont kill yourself. I am so sorry that you are hurting but confide in the LORD because i know for a fact that he is listening. My heart breaks for your story. Forget your mother, even though she is your mother. Dont let her keep you from living your life. None of this is your fault and her "discpiline" was terrible. I am so sorry.You were born and made for a reason. Your mothers words are from the DEVILS mouth, stop listening to them. Your story is very heart-breaking, GO OUT AND USE IT. Make people listen and get them to stand up against child abuse.

Just because no one listened to you then, doesn't mean that no one will listen now. I am listening...
Mar 05, 2010
 Thank you
by: TAB

I'll tell you how honest I am, and all too wary of the fine line between God's and Devil's work.

One in three times, I will be given more money than I am entitled to, from the bank teller, when I cash my weekly paycheck. Now, anybody else would keep that money. I have returned it every single time, including last week. Some people would think it's God trying to "help" them out by giving them extra money, but IIIII know it's The Devil trying to entice me to stray to keep that money at somebody else's expense and I automatically hand it back. It is too hard to keep a job and I know those tellers could be fired or, at the very least, have the money they gave me in error taken from THEIR weekly paychecks.

I appreciate you writing and saying I should go out and speak, but I am repeatedly shunned. I tried to join Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers and the moderator/owner removed my posts just yesterday, claiming I sound "angry" and "in crisis"; meanwhile, she says on EVERY SINGLE PAGE that we would ALL be accepted in her forum and not be judged. Well, once again, I was shunned by someone I don't even know and banished, just like everybody in my life has shunned and ostracized me for merely trying to get my truth out there. I am so upset. I would like to publish my memoirs or get even ONE PERSON to read them, but I am ALWAYS BLAMED for "taking" my mother's insane treatment when I truly never knew any other existence. If it weren't for my friend Cori, I would never even know what my mom has been afflicted with. She refuses to go for therapy and/or a diagnosis and takes out every BIT of anger and hatred upon me. I worry every single day what she is going to do or say and everything has these undercurrents of threats against me or against my beloved pets. I will never have Peace on this planet. Thank you for being there for me.
Mar 06, 2010
 Don't give up
by: Anonymous

"Life"
This word has a different meaning for everyone. Without a doubt, this meaning for you must mean something entirely different from me. All, I can say is that...as much as the pain you've went through. I don't think, and I don't believe its worth ending. It should without any doubt be your goal to raise awareness about this. I hope dearly that you are doing well.
Please Tab, don't give up.
Mar 08, 2010
 Every day brings a new crisis
by: TAB

And I have hung in there, pretty much for my parents haven't "won" by either themselves killing me or else my own suicidal tendencies, but I keep plugging along; It's just hard because my brain doesn't allow me to forget anything. My animals are in chronic illness/crisis mode themselves and they only have me, plus so do the strays I have fed near my home for more than ten years now. I am so stricken to read people's stories on here to just grasp the severity of our existences. None of us deserved to be treated so poorly.
Mar 11, 2010
 You're here for a reason
by: Anonymous

TAB, I to have been through the horrors of abuse, from 4 or 5 to my teens. My father was a tyrant, and played mind games with me.
He also beat my brother and mother. I started having bouts of OCD when I was about 13. Nobody knew what it was back then. I had a though that I can't print (God is a F'er) that scared me to death. It would keep going in my mind and I couldn't control it. Any time I am on the verge of doing something positive it comes back to sabotage me. I am now 47 yrs old, and like you have a mind like a sharp tack. It sucks. No sayings, no religion, no philosophy can get back what you lost. But you are here for a reason. I am in the process of figuring out what my reason is, and it is very tough. Like you, I am an animal advocate, I actually prefer animals over people. Maybe we can relate to them because like us they are totally defenseless.
Please keep taking care of your animals! like you, they are also here for a reason, maybe to help you heal.
Mar 22, 2010
 Thank you for helping the animals, too
by: TAB

Unless I find thoroughly decent people like you and Darlene, the sweet woman who runs this website, I want absolutely nothing to do with people for everybody seems to have an evil motive or agenda and it ALWAYS includes hurting me/us. I give everybody a chance and the benefit of the doubt and they hurt me every single time.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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