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May 19, 2009
Part 1 of 2: You did NOTHING wrong...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Suzanne, detailing your story the way you have gives my visitors a clear picture of how pedophiles operate, and how they "groom" and "seduce" their young victims. Let me be just as clear, you did not do anything with this child molester; you were taken advantage of by him. You did nothing wrong; he used your vulnerabilities and youth against you. He was the adult; you were the child. You were not to blame. It wasn't your fault. Fault and blame lies squarely on his shoulders, as well as on the shoulders of his pedophile mates. Yes, Suzanne, you're so right when you say that he sexualized you from an early age. So of course you would believe what he was doing to you—exploiting you—was "normal". But now you know better.

You must now deal with the repercussions and aftermath of what he did to you. For that, you are going to need some type of counselling; otherwise, you will likely carry the effects well into adulthood. And those effects can and will impact your ability to have relationships, both intimate and friendship; they can and will affect your ability to trust, to hold down a job, to conduct your life in a functional manner.

Suzanne, you can't keep this to yourself. I understand your reluctance to disclose what this pervert did to you. I get that you are concerned about your mother and how knowing what really happened to you will impact her. But if you don't report this child rapist, he will continue to exploit and sexually assault other girls. You see, Suzanne, pedophiles do not change their ways. He and his perverse "friends" will continue to rape and tape little girls just as they did you. They must be stopped; and the way to stop them is to have law enforcement involved.

Please reconsider your decision to keep silent. You can make a report online at The CyberTipLine through the International Centre for Missing & Exploited Children. You certainly didn't deserve to be molested and raped, Suzanne. Speaking up about it now could save another child from suffering through what you suffered through. I know you wouldn't wish that on any child.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 19, 2009
Part 2 of 2: Cambridge...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

And Suzanne, congrats on getting into Cambridge. You are not sitting idly by; you are attempting to move forward with your life by getting an education. I applaud and commend you for that. Whatever field of study you wish to pursue, I wish you all the best.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 19, 2009
great you found Darlene's site
by: maurice

Suzanne, your sad sad story of abuse by this pedophile is NOT OF YOUR DOING: Your innocent life was shattered by this very perverted and sick man. Using your vulnerability and innocence he did terrible things to you. great you had the strength and the courage to tell in detail all he did and made you do. Suzanne, you must tell, you must tell. Your Mam is a mother, she will love and support you and she will believe you. I am certain too you have a friend or two your own age who you share intimate stuff with ask them to love and hug you enough to give you the courage and the confidence to tell. He cannot be allowed do what he did with his sicko minded pedophiles group of people. You can do great service to other little girls by telling on this man. Darlene's advice and caring loving words to you should give you the strength with your friends to tell. Great you are getting on with your life, you will need professional help from time to time to deal with the memories of all that was done to you. You can and will be brave and strong for yourself knowing that by you telling on this man the innocent little lives of others will be safe. Build up your own self worth, self confidence and create a good mirror image of yourself knowing you can accomplish anything you want. I'm special, I'm beautiful I'm me strong and brave after writing and telling my story.

May 30, 2009
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you all for your kind words of support. I have to admit that it never dawned on me that he would continue abusing and that he maybe abusing other girls. I have an appointment to see one of the college counselors where I will ask about how I can report this person. My biggest fear is that my mum will have to be told. I know that she will blame herself for it because she was the one who asked his girlfriend to babysit me in the beginning. I would love there to be a way for this man to be reported without it involving me or my mum. I will keep you posted as to what happens at the counsellors meeting

Thank you all

From Darlene: You are doing such a responsible thing by reporting him, Suzanne. You may well save another child by doing so. Regarding your mother, keeping this information from her will likely not be possible. Once an investigation is launched, she will more than likely be interviewed. Besides, I believe she should know what happened to her little girl. And I believe it should come from you, Suzanne. It sounds to me as though you do not blame your mother in any way for what happened to you at the hands of this man. So talk to her. Make sure she understands that you harbour no resentment toward her so that the two of you can begin to heal from this, together. The two of you can be a support for one another. But whatever you do, do not take on her guilt. Do not ever blame yourself for the way she feels. Her feelings and emotions are hers to bear; you have your own to deal with that do not include the feelings and emotions of others.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 31, 2009
Be brave, Be strong know you are the most important person NOW
by: maurice

Suzanne, ain't easy but good on you for taking the right steps to rid the world around this man who abused you. It is your life now Suzanne, You begin to have a positive mirror image of your beautiful self. I can accomplish anything I want for me in Life. Say that to the wonderful and beautiful person you are. What was (is) a big scar for you Suzanne from being abused gently soothe it away making it smaller each time you take a positive step to rid yourself of the memory. I can do it, I will do it, I must do it for ME.

Jun 14, 2009
Stay Strong, Suzanne. U R a Survivor....
by: Anonymous

Dearest Suzanne,
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I want you to know that from across the world, your words are heard, and respected. As you hesitate speaking of the atrocities to your Mum, you are being thought of. I too, have hesitated. My Mom was my only savior, and I would do anything to protect her from pain. The truth is powerful; how could she possibly comprehend? She devalued, denied, cried, and accepted. The fact is, she had a hunch as to what was going on. Mums are a lot stronger than we give credit. She and I are stronger than ever. When you are ready, confide in her. It may sting, but so is life. You are an inspiration to me. Never forget how strong you are, and that you are never alone.

Jun 15, 2009
Your telling and reporting will be a great help to yourself
by: maurice

Hiya Suzanne, know you are one very strong and brave woman and now a student at Cambridge. You know what you wrote in such great detail will benefit many of Darlene's visitors and parents who are rearing children. It certainly was well thought out and lovingly written to do just that be a help for parents to listen and to understand how pedophiles groom and ruin young innocent lives of children/teenagers/adolecents You Suzanne have shared the truth of it all. Darlene is so loving. caring and ever so professional in her comments to you and all her visitors. You'll make great sense of her words and those of us all who emphatise and love you in all of your telling. You are a very special and highly intelligent young woman with huge integrity to go with it. Suzanne you'll be fine, you'll be strong because you will get and receive all the help and support you know is necessary for you to ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. LOVE all those beautiful parts of you that were abused, be gentle on yourself soothe away that abuse by caressing naturally those parts making them beautiful for yourself. In the mirror say I am one beautiful woman with great giftedness and I am really pretty too. I won't let the abuse that was NONE OF MY FAULT deface my beautifulness. I am SPECIAL. I LOVE ME.

Jul 04, 2009
Thank you all, again
by: Suzanne

Just a quick line to update you all about the sessions I am having with the therapist at the university. She is really great and I feel completely safe telling her about my life. I have decided to tell my mum when we break for the summer holidays (which is next week) The trouble is I won't be able to predict her response, although I can be certain it will very emotional though.

I will keep you all updated

From Darlene: I am SO happy to hear that the sessions are going well and that you trust your therapist; that is so important when we embark on a healing path. And whether or not you can predict your mother's response, think only positive thoughts about telling her, Suzanne. Picture it in your mind as a positive experience; you might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 04, 2009
Your story has jumped back into my life
by: maurice

Hiya Suzanne, I hope you are living every day of your life to the full as a very sure and capable student of university life. Go for the high and I've no doubt you'll reach the top. You sure have been through alot of hell in your life but acknowledge you've been brave, you've been strong. you did something about it for your self and other beautiful children and saved them from all pain and effects it had on you. Suzanne, I hope you are have a fun and good time living your life to the full and getting on with it. Love yourself, love your friends, love your family, Hi how is that mirror image of you going. I'm special, I'm beautiful, I love me era go on hug that lovely person looking back at you. I can accomplish anything I want for me in my life.

Jul 20, 2009
Mum exploded
by: Suzanne

Well I have told mum about the bits of my childhood she knew nothing about. To say she went ballistic would be an understatement. Initially she asked me if I was making it up, then she asked who exactly had I told. If this is the person who is supposed to have protected me then no wonder I was so vulnerable and available to him. Looks like it won't be mum who will be holding my hand at the police station. I get the impression that mum is trying minimise any damage to her reputation before she is suddenly thrust into the spotlight of any legal proceedings.

All I wanted was for her to believe me and let me bawl my heart out on her shoulder. Now any crying I do will have to be done internally, in private. Because of the atmosphere at home I have gone to stay with a friend from uni. Her parents run a restaurant, so for free board and keep, I will be helping out in any way I can.

I wonder if mum would have believed me if I had told her when I was younger or if I had said something sooner. It seems that telling her as an adult has vindicated him and made it appear my fault. I really didn't think she would react like this. And the worst of it is; I haven't told her any more than about 5% of the whole story!

Sorry to sound like I am rambling. Feeling pretty crap right now. On the plus side though, I suppose things can only get better (I hope) I'm turning my mobile off for the summer and hope that a couple of months working in a restaurant will take me away from all of this


Jul 20, 2009
To Suzanne:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Again, I'm so proud of you for making the decision to report this perverted man.

Your mother's reaction was not surprising. In her reaction she has made it about her rather than about you. Her ego has gotten in the way of her being able to be a support for you. I pity her for that, because she is missing out on a relationship with her precious daughter, a relationship that could strengthen through all this, all because her ego can't take the idea of being wrong or for not being able to see what her blindness did to you all those years ago. But don't count her out just yet, Suzanne. While there are no promises, she may come around after her own personal pain is lessened. And that is what is keeping her from supporting you right now; her own personal pain.

You are NEVER alone. Go deep within yourself and ask for help, Suzanne. You might be pleasantly surprised at the answers you receive.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Oct 02, 2009
back at Uni
by: Suzanne

Well I am back at Uni and have been straight in to see the therapist and seek her advice about reporting this to the police. I really was, however, surprised at the amount of things she suggested I check over first before going. Anyway, I did what she suggested and last Monday we went to the police station here in Cambridge together and reported the matter. I have to say that I was extremely nervous but confident that I could do it.

The police woman was great and let me ramble on in my own way and explain every thing I wanted to in my own way. I was in there for an hour and when we were done the police lady said that she would start to make inquiries and would get in touch with me during the week to let me know what progress she has made.

She called me today and asked if I could come and see her as she needed to qualify a few things and suggested it would be best to come with a friend as the interview would probably be upsetting for me. She was right. Based on what I told her in our first meeting she thinks that the landlord maybe known to the police and that his videos of me could be on file with the Child Protection unit of the Greater Manchester Police. As a result they want me to describe in greater detail the events of some of the videos he did with me. To say this was distressing would be an understatement. What made it worse was that when we finished the police couldn't tell me if the description I gave them matched the films they had on file. Seems that I will have to wait until our next meeting in about one weeks time. The police have asked that I don't make any attempt at contacting him, which I have no intention of doing

However I do feel a certain sense of relief at having finally told some one about it who can sort him out (hopefully). I have another meeting in about a weeks time with them when hopefully they will let me know what is happening.



Oct 03, 2009
Very courageous...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Suzanne, you should be very proud of yourself. Yes, it is difficult, but I'm so glad you see the positive elements of all that you are now going through. And I'm delighted that you have friends and support through all this. Thank you for keeping my visitors and me up to date.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Nov 12, 2009
I'm so scared
by: suzanne

The past month has been absolute hell for me given the amount of detail I have had to go in to for the police to ensure that they have the right information.

It would seem that the video tapes of me that the Landlord made either on his own or with his friends have been circulated on the internet for all to see. I nearly died on the spot when the police officer told me. She understood that I was very upset (something of an understatement) and gave me plenty of time to react to the news. Apparently the videos of the Landlord and his friends raping me are some of the most widely requested videos on the internet. The police lady showed me the titles they were distributed under and it has sickened me to think that people search for videos of children being raped with such graphic descriptions.

At the time the videos were being made they would always reassure me that what we were doing was normal between friends "like us", and stupidly I believed that our secret games were just for us. Sometimes the sex hurt but they always did as much as possable to reduce any pain. The police lady has described one video to me that she believed was me. It had a graphic title describing me as a Slut and indicating that I was having sex with 4 men. I remember the film very well because the Landlord got me to shave off what little puberty I had at the time. I realise now that this was to make me appear younger than I really was.

All in all there are supposed to be about 30 videos of me circulating amongst the paedophiles who use the internet to share this sort of thing. I told the police lady that I am sure the Landlord made more than that, and she assured me that once they arrest him a thorough search will be made of his home to see what can be found.

To say that this week has been traumatic would be an understatement. I am deeply sickened that other people are watching the video, I genuinely never knew that they were so widely distributed. I haven't been able to go to my classes this week because of the way I feel. The therapist has been great, checking on me all the time, buying me cups of tea etc. I will be back in class on Monday but I really do wonder if I should have started this whilst at college?

I'll keep you up to date with what goes on and let you know what happens with the police enquiries

Nov 13, 2009
Be Brave, be strong, persevere.
by: maurice

Oh Suzanne my heart goes out to you, it sure must be what you say it is. Traumatic for you all the past week. You will come through and you will be the winner. Don't Quit now. Put those sicko's away far away from children/teenagers/adolecents/young adults forever and ever. Siberia would be a good place for them to rot away in for all they have put you through and for what you have to endure now because of them. Please Suzanne hug yourself and be hugged by those you trust now in your life. Hug in trust of yourself and in trust of others. your own chosen few that you call Friend (s). There is a man hopefully being put away today where I live for life after being caught with 500 images of children and teenagers in child pornography downloading. The very sick man should be whatever. for life. he should be made suffer. Suzanne, Be brave, Be strong I know you will to put those away from society.

Jul 29, 2010
Finally, it ends
by: Suzanne

For those of you who have followed my story, I am pleased to announce that Yesterday at Southwark Crown Court in London, 4 men were sentenced to between 5 and 12 years for a variety of offences ranging from my early life.

The Landlord received the stiffest sentence as he was the worse offender but his sentence will run the full term because he chose to plead not guilty and caused me to have to attend and give evidence (something the courts take a dim view of) His 3 co-abusers each received 5 years each for their part of the abuse.

The hard part for me having to describe the incident where they each raped me on the occasion that they took my virginity. I had to tell the same story 4 times as each of the defendants plead their case. The barrister for the prosecution made a big thing about how the videos were still being distributed between on-line paedophiles and there seems to be no let up in the quest to obtain them by the on-line perverts. At this point I ran out of the court sobbing as I couldn't bear to hear my early life being publicly aired in this fashion.

My mum and the police officer who has been with me through all of this rushed out to comfort me, but I was so upset that I couldn't bear to go back into the court to hear the sentences pronounced.

The trouble is these paedophiles were (past tense) the producers of these films and pictures. Now they are in prison but the films still circulate on the internet and are probably being used by other paedophiles to legitimize their actions to other victims. I hope that no other child has to suffer like this, but in my heart I doubt this vile disease will be wiped out over night

I'm in my final year at University when we return after the summer break. Once I leave the University and start work I hope that I will finally be able to move on with my life and put everything that has happened behind me.

Thanks to everyone for allowing me to rant and rave on these pages and vent my frustration

Dec 02, 2010
congrats!!!
by: My Two Cents

I am so glad that these perverts are now in prison where they will hopefully suffer the stigma of being "child molesters" - this is not a label anyone wants, especially in a prison.

I am so impressed by your bravery and sheer guts in pursuing charges against these "men" who hurt you. And while you were at school too!

My hat is off to you! You are a true survivor, overcoming this horrible experience and holding your abusers accountable for their actions.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

Dec 04, 2010
Be proud of yourself and your academic achievements
by: maurice

Suzanne: It's been a long and windy road but you are in the straight now to live your life to the full: It all began when you found Darlene's site You have done yourself proud: Always believe in yourself: I will, I can, I must, because I am WORTH it: Now keep having a healthy mind in a healthy body: I am beautiful: I LOVE me: keep taking good care of yourself: Great having gotten to know someone who was very brave: Very Storng and now is empowered by all the loving comments of Darlene and her visitors: More so Darlene: she truly is one remarkable woman the relationship Lady: The great and wonderful attribute I can pay you Suzanne you did something positive and constructive with her heartfelt words to you: That is her wish and hope for all her many visitors they move on in their lives after her encourageing, loving, supportive, affirming words< Ok now Suzanne live your dreams and make the difference

Jan 01, 2012
some news out of usa
by: My Two Cents

I was looking for info on how child pornography is used in criminal trials and found the following info. This is going to be a little fragmented as I am writing from memory but a google search should confirm this info.

Apparently, there are child abusers that produce child pronography and this pornography has titles like, "the missy" series or "the vicky" series. These series of images are apparently widely available on the internet and considered highly collectible by child molesters.

The former victims, Vicky and Missy (not their real names) have taken action in the American courts to have people who view their images held financially responsible. I am not certain of the specifics but the gist of it seems to be:

If you view photograph a in the Missy series, if you are apprehended and convicted, "Missy's" lawyer has a standing order to seize your financial assets.

I'm not sure how it is enforced though. I mean, the internet is international so if the baddie lives in Germany, does an American court order have any force? Also, I am not sure how the baddie's assets are seized. If the damages awarded are $150,000 and the baddie only has $10,000?

Anyways...this is something you may want to look at doing, getting some compensation for the harm that was done to you as a child from all these perverts. You see, it's not just the men that physically sexually abused you or the man who made the videos but each and every one who viewed those images (not police investigators) contributed to you being hurt. They should *ALL* be held accountable for their actions.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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