Comments for Child Abuse Story From Susan J

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 29, 2009
Very honest...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Susan, it is imperative that you seek professional help. It is quite possible that your sexualized behaviour at 8 years of age was due to suffering sexual abuse earlier in your life. Whether or not you psychologically blocked out what happened prior to this age is something a therapist should be able to help you with. Your urges also need to be addressed. While you say you would never act on them, it is important for you to get to the root of them.

And while some would believe that because your cousin was still a child himself at 13, the fact that there was a 5-year difference in age between the two of you, he misused his power over you. If this were to happen today in Canada, he could be charged with sexual assault. What you must remember, Susan, is that at 8 years old you did not have the capacity to consent...no 8-year-old CAN consent; therefore, consent is a non-issue here. Don't ever forget that. I suggest you read my article titled Dispelling 6 Myths About Self-Blame here on this site.

As for your family, those who have never endured child abuse, particularly sexual child abuse, have no idea how difficult it is to "get over it". They have no concept of the fact that "forgetting it" is impossible. One can only hope to eventually manage the emotional turmoil and lifelong repercussions. Although you didn't go into any great detail, perhaps your family members are picking sides. If that is the case, I suggest you read my reply to Ray regarding his question Why doesn't my family believe me?

And while I understand that in hindsight you wish you hadn't told on your stepfather, the fact that you did tell may well save another child from being molested by him. At the very least, people now know what he did to you. And none of it was your fault. None of it was in your control because you were a child. As an adult, you DO now have control. I couldn't agree with you more; going through this alone will hinder your ability to heal and recover, so please do find a therapist who works with survivors of child sexual abuse.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, and for being so honest about how the abuse affected you.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Mar 30, 2009
Abuse,it causes us to do weird things.
by: Scott Canada

The things I went through as a child also made me do strange things as well. The spankings and other abuse caused me to draw dirty pictures.Now by today's standards,it would be considered child porn.I would draw it at home and hide it.I was so ashamed that I hid it in the woods to view later. One time this kid behind me was looking over my shoulder on the bus and told on me.He yelled that I was drawing naked spanking pictures.The bus driver stopped and came back to catch me in my own little world drawing the spanking pictures. I remember sitting on the bus as an 8 year old,with my rear-end still warm from one of the many beatings/spankings I got from her,and drawing these pictures.Perhaps it was my way of crying out for help. He took them from me.What did he do with them? Was it really child porn though? This was back in 1973. I was 8,how good could I draw.I remember it was supposed to be me in the picture,laying over the teachers lap,pants down getting spanked. These drawings surely wouldn't look like real people,or a real child. I drew pictures when I was 11,I know because I was masturbating to them and that stuff didnt happen until I was at least 11. I got involved with some neighborhood kids and one girl a bit younger than I started playing games.This is when I was 9-10. We would chase her two little brothers around,catch them and pull down their pants and spank them.We used to play this game allot until we were caught. I used to feel shame,panic and embarrassment at seeing spankings on tv or reading it in books,or even overhearing adults discussing it.I didnt ask for this shit,it was a gift left me by a teacher. If it wasn't for Darlene letting me tell my story on here I may never have gotten it off my chest. I know what I wrote above was graphic but its true. This crap infected my sexuality as a child. Susan,...you are not alone. I am so impressed with your honesty that I felt compelled to write more about my childhood. I thank you for allowing me to get this off of my chest......thank you. We are not weird, what happened to us to cause us to behave like this,was not our fault.

Mar 30, 2009
as an ADULT your in control
by: Maurice

The truest thing Darlene said in her comment to you Susan. As an ADULT you are in control of your life. Darlene knows what is best, is understanding of where each of her visitors to her site are coming from. Think about what she said to you and begin now in your own time and in your own way take one step at a time heeding her loving care for you. You will be free'er to say I'M SPECIAL, it is time I began to love me and set my priorities as to how I can rid myself of my childhood sick and bad experiences done to me by others. Susan, no blame no shame. Your telling and sharing your story by talking out loud to us on Darlene's wonderful site for you and us to do so is a realization by you that you now have a greater sense of the wrong done to you. Sadly all child abuse is totally wrong simply because the child or we as childen in our inocense were being used and abused by others controlling us. In the name of supposely loving us and helping us to grow. My dean of discipline had total control over me. Your cousin, step dad had likewise over you. leaving you with a very confused mind about all that happened in your young tender years as a beautiful girl. Deep down in all of us Susan we become aware that any form of touching by others of our bodies is wrong. Child pornography sadly is lovely innocence being controlled while thinking it is okay, as at the time they knew/know no better. All forms of pornography is wrong because it defiles the sacredness of the body. molested by others pervesrsions/fantasies whatever. it is wrong. Your beautiful son is your own flesh and blood, do your best to begin to call him your very own and live with him. He may help you cope better than your family/people say he would not. I am an only child, my mam was a single mam all our lives she reared me ven with the awful stigma attached to her having me outside of marriage in 1946. Susan the bond between us was as natural and as normal as all other children born in the standard accepted way of society. You are an adult thinking woman now I know you accept the beautifulness of the your child birth. The not so nice part of it for you is that you were raped and real love for you was not in that scenario except a sicko's mind. Hi it is only natural how you feel now about all those who did wrong to you. Susan, Darlen's loving advice is get theraphy begin the road of counselling and Susan you will live a fuller life with your child and be happy. Always believe in yourself. You have companions on darlen's site now who will walk with you knowing they have been helped by sharing their own abuse story on Her inspirational insight in setting it up. Thank you

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Write Your Child Abuse Story.

Return to Child Abuse Story From Susan J

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...

Most Recent

  1. The reasons I've been absent

    Nov 14, 17 01:30 PM

    It's been another challenging time for me. As I actively work toward an online program for survivors of sexual abuse, I've also had to deal with issues at home. Hubby has been diagnosed with 2 types o…

    Read More

  2. I Self Medicate

    Jun 26, 17 04:40 PM

    When I was 3 we left Illinois for Arizona. The day we left my grandfather had a heart attack and died. I have one uncomfortable grainy memory of him. I

    Read More

  3. Ongoing Abuse

    Jun 06, 17 03:03 PM

    I'm 15/16. I am still getting abused physically, mentally and verbally by my family especially my mother. I don't understand what to do to overcome this.

    Read More

E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...