Comments for Child Abuse Story From Sue

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Apr 17, 2011
Sue:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I understand the discomfort of therapy. I've been there myself. But if you keep burying the emotions attached to the pain of being abused, that pain will haunt you for a lifetime. When we choose to circumvent our emotions, they keep coming back, over and over and over again; and those emotions affect every aspect of our lives. You love your husband. You love your children. Now it's time to love YOURSELF enough to decide that you're worthy of the help you need in order to move forward, as uncomfortable as that help may be. Think of it this way: the discomfort is your mind's way of trying to avoid what's really at issue. Use that discomfort as a marker that tells you you need healing. Go into therapy with the commitment to work through the process, trusting in the process. But make sure you have trust in your therapist. Interview a few of them before deciding on the one you are willing to work with. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Apr 17, 2011
Sue
by: GPM

You are the victim of the worst betrayal a human being can commit. Any father that would do to a daughter what your father did to you is a shameless coward and the lowest form of a child abuser as there is. He is a criminal and is no different than any rapist walking our countries streets. So what he involved you, and others, in was not normal interactions- on the contrary, it was the sick, perverted behavior of a criminal.

Your husband is not a sick, perverted criminal, so why make him guilty of being like your father just because he is a man. Now you can understand what happens to people in law enforcement and the military when they start painting all people with the same brush- it's happening to you. If you are in contact with criminals or enemies who want to kill you, all day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, you begin to see everyone as a criminal or enemy. You are no longer able to seperate the murderer from the red light runner- you are no longer able to seperate a rice farmer from a Viet Cong.

As I have said before on this site, thank God your experiences were not so tragic that you didn't survive them. They were bad enough, but you are with us, those kiddos, and a man that must love you in spite of it all. I hope you can focus on dropping that barrier you have built around you. There are people that need to be allowed into your most spiritual of places. There are two people who need you spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I hope you can see which two they are. You deserve the freedom from the past that a 40 year old woman and wife is entitled to.

Apr 19, 2011
Don't quit: Don't give up on yourself: Be a winner
by: maurice

I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: SAY SUE: Why??? because I am WORTH it. Always believe in yourself: don't forget your new motto: I WILL: etc. Letting go takes time but it is easier when one has loving, caring people around us: You have SUE: 3 special children birthed by your wonderful and beautiful self to be named as their Mommy: A loving husband who values you, cares about you, you'll be fine: you ain't over the hill where your sexual relations concerned: Therapy will help: Darlene knows best and she says that to you from a womans heart: It is painful at the start but once you become more accepting of the holistic reason you are taking part in it then you and your husband will do the rest in LOVE: I receieved this absolute Maouri good wish/blessing when I was leaving Wellington NZ in 1988: Kia Kaha: Kia Tua: Kia manawanui: Be brave: Be strong: Be persevering: My new Motto: I will: etc Sue: Now have a healthy mind in a healthy body by walking, golfing with your husband: encourageing your three lovely children to have equally the same: encourage them to be part of Hockey/football/softball/rugby teams with their friends/class mates fellow students their own age and gender: you'll all be jumping over the moon in a short time wanting to get out of bed each day you wake up: My prayers are with you SUE: go for therapy oh I forgot you told me not to say that: Just go Sue: You'll be a all the better for it and so will your loving husband:

Apr 23, 2011
A little step at a time.
by: Bee

I'm sure you're not withholding intimacy from your husband to make him feel guilty.Do you think you have PTSD or maybe flashbacks that cause you to shut down? It's obvious the reason you have this problem is from being abused.I understand because I was abused as a child in every which way possible.Like when we were children being abused,a part of us kicked into the "preservation mode" because this is all we had at the time to protect ourselves with.Sometimes during intimacy, certain sexual acts may cause us to shut down because it brings the past abuse back close to us.It's o.k. to share with your husband if certain acts make you uncomfortable or even if you wish not to partake in them.Which is fine to not do so.Sometimes because of the past abuse,a persons body can shut down just as easily as it can open up to enjoy the intimate experience.

Maybe examining what triggers you,may help you to realize why you shut down.There are so many different ways to be intimate & I believe if someone truly loves me,they will understand my boundaries.What I am willing to do or not to do.If I'm forced or manipulated,it brings back the feelings & memories of the sexual abuse I endured.I choose what makes me feel comfortable and safe to do.With patience & understanding,
things can improve.If a person is in a relationship where intimacy is demanded & selfish,this is wrong because it takes two,so each partner should be on the same page.If you love someone you want the best for them & you want a mutual loving bond.Not one of just gratification.At least this is what I believe.

Sometimes counseling brings up those past monsters we'd sooner let sleep but I believe the more we face them,the weaker they get,the stronger we become.I hope I've helped you a bit & I wish you all the best.
Bee.

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