Comments for Child Abuse Story From Stacy2

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Apr 07, 2009
When we keep "secrets"...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Whether or not you "tell" is up to you, Stacy, but consider what has happened, what has most likely happened, and what will likely continue to happen if you don't speak out.

Secrets are what keep abuse victims embroiled in fear, anxiety, and a host of other emotional and even physical ramifications. Secrets are what keep us from allowing healing to begin. Secrets allow the abuse to go on, unchecked. If this was your maternal grandfather, it is quite likely he molested your mother when she was a child. And if your mother has sisters, they too were likely molested. If this was your paternal grandfather, he likely molested your father's sisters. That is the pattern of this type of sex offender. They do not stop until they ARE stopped.

But before you or anyone says that because your grandfather is now 78 years old he can no longer offend; think again. Sexual assault does not have to be penetration. Sexual assault can be contact or non-contact; and contact sexual assault means some form of touching. What I'm saying here, Stacy, is that if he has ANY access to young girls, he is likely STILL offending. When sexual abuse victims do not tell, there are usually others who become victimized, because until sex offenders are made to stop, they don't.

Yes, telling often divides families; I won't lie about that. But if you want healing to begin for yourself, you must tell the truth to someone. Counselling can be very beneficial in helping you deal with all the emotional residue of being betrayed and assaulted by your grandfather, a man who was supposed to keep you safe from harm. You didn't deserve to be molested, Stacy. You DO deserve help dealing with the fact that you were.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 08, 2009
oh please tell someone, please do,
by: Maurice

Stacey 2, I don't like putting numbers after peoples names but I understand the why. We are all equal in God's eyes. while I acknowledge the nature of God varies greatly among the five Major religious traditions, I do believe God created me beautiful, special, unique, different in my own right. I choose to believe that about me myself, Once I accepted and acknowledged that I was abused. My body beautiful was brusied and beaten by someone who did not really love me. An Adult. my supposed Guardian whom my mother gave care of me to him and the school I went to. Stacey This Man was in his sixties when he was my dean of disciplene at school. He knew he was doing to me and all the other boys an injustice by contolling us in the way he did. Ordering us to take down our trousers and beating us on the bare bottom. He knew that was wrong. Your Granddad knew he was very wrong doing what he did to you. Stacey don't you forget that. Your grandad was not a nice man. You must begin to tell your closest of friend (s) as I am sure you have, ask them to help you to let him know even at his age he abused you in a very hurting and cruel way. taking away your beautiful innocense. OH Stacey, Darlene know best, she has offered you her love, understanding, knowledge, knowing the pain He caused you then and now all through your life. You know Stacey He did a terrible wrong to you. He needs to know your pain. His Only his pride will be dented and pride is a false pride. Stacey, be brave, be strong, begin to really LOVE your beautiful self now and let go to the best you can of that awful memory of Rape he done to you. Your beautiful, but only you can make yourself Mirror beautiful. I love me may be hard for you to say right now. but do make a start. tell someone on your Grandad. that will be your beginng to see yourself beautiful. God created YOU so Stacey.

Apr 09, 2009
Say It
by: Betty

stacy you have to say it. when I read your story it hurt me so much because it happened to me and my sisters and I know what you feel. SAY IT, YOU HAVE TO SAY IT. dont feel bad for nobody like he did not feel bad at that moment.

Apr 10, 2009
Ain't Easy but you be brave, be strong with the help of your Friends.
by: Maurice

Oh Stacey 2. you're one spcial person. unique, beautiful, created so by God Our Father in heaven. Stacey 2 I'll be brief this time in My Comment. Please heed Darlene's words of love to you. She knows how important it is for you to Tell someone who really cares for you. I assure you there's healing in the telling for you as there was for Darlene and ME. It was not easy for me to tell, to name the person who was held in high regard by his fellow Religious members of his Community He was supposed to be a Holy Man. I was miles away from him having gone through years of lost LOve of myself because of what he did to me. He was dead when I told my story. So Stacey 2 those who abuse the innocent do them/us a tremendous wrong. ruining our lives for years until we accept what is and has happened to us was wrong. wrong. wrong.

Apr 24, 2009
Its never too late
by: Nicola

Your granpa had no right to hurt you.. you did not do anything wrong.. it is important that to heal you must reveal what he did to you.. do not feel guilt, do you think he did? he continued to hurt you for three more years.. be stong, stand tall and let your family know what this man did to you.. justice will prevail, child sexual abuse is no longer tolerated as it was 15 years ago and many people who suffered abuse in this era are now coming forward.. whilst he gets away with what he did to you, you suffer a life sentence, how is that justice? if he did this to you, what is to say he has not hurt any other children in the family, your coming out may help others speak.. do not let him get away with this, you can not carry this burden any more.. good luck, may love, strength and truth see you through..

Mar 19, 2010
I ask myself that same question
by: D in MN

I am 46 years old and have not told. I ask myself "who am i protecting?" I don't want to hurt anyone?? very confusing if I linger there to long.

Focus on you because you are so important forgive yourself I know that may sound strange but it starts from within give your trust, heart, love back to yourself you deserve to be happy! I won't tell you what I think should happen to your "family member" I do not want to disrepect YOU.

I hope that this pain does not continue to keep you stuck, "they" win by holding onto us from afar they haunt our dreams and make us feel sick when we think about them/he/she/IT!!!! put it in a place only for you and when you feel sad like i do sometimes take it out, look at it, feel what you feel because you own it, then put it away maybe you won't have to take the pain out as often and I hope for you and me that it goes away.

Honestly, the longer i hold onto "this" the more numb I get, I cannot forgive or forget, I cannot share my story, but I want to thank you deeply for sharing your unique, individual story it made me open up and share, see that is the power of healing.

You made someone you don't even know feel better and that is awesome because the person who reached out today was not even looking to feel better.

Take care and be safe
D in MN

Mar 21, 2010
Stop hurting yourself: You were used and abused. Tell someone.
by: maurice

Stacey 2 please tell on your Grandpa. Holding onto what happened will not do you or any of us any good. Our abuser is the winner, he has put fear into us that will eat a away inside until we pluck up the courage and tell. It does not get any easier as we get older but we can make a difference if we get counselling. The counsellor will assist and enable us to have courage to tell.

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