Comments for Child Abuse Story From Stacy Lynn

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Jul 17, 2009
You are a caring and loving sister...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Stacy, you cannot feel guilty for the circumstances of your life now. You are not being fair to yourself when you compare your situation to that of your sister's. Nor are you being fair calling yourself a "stupid 5th-grader". You were a child, you weren't stupid. Your stepfather was the adult. He knew you were vulnerable and that you wanted to make sure your mother would be happy, that you would want to keep the whole family happy. He counted on this. And then he took advantage of you and your vulnerabilities. He's where he belongs.

Yes, your sister was amazingly brave to tell. And yes, she was robbed of her chance for justice. I can certainly understand and appreciate how you would feel compelled to want to help her. But you can't, Stacy, you can't. Only she can make the decision to want help, and then to ask for it. And when she does make that decision, only then will you be in a position to be able to help her. Until then, you can only be at the ready for when she does ask you for more. Be ready to provide whatever kind of support you can. And keep modeling love, true love; because in that love, your sister may find her Self, just as you have your Self.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 18, 2009
painful though it is for you, you cannot live in another persons shoes
by: maurice

She's your sister, As you say she is beautiful inside and out when she's clean her good times. She is aware of herself, she too is hurting a good deal from what happened to her. She was brave and strong to tell once, it is taking her time now to be brave again to love herself and her beautiful children. Stacy you be strong for yourself, you live your life to the full, live well, laugh alot, love much. Great you received counselling that is the way your life was sorted from the abuse that awful father carried out on you. Using your vulnerable age and innocence he took full advantage of you sickly as your father. My gut feelings is that your Mother and family knew what was going on but were either scared of him to stand up to him. Your sister did what was right, tell on him, you can be most thankful to her for putting him away. He was not a good man. Great you are in a good good space now in your life, happily married and studying to improve your status in your own life and that of others. Don't blame yourself where your sister is at in her life. You are a true sister concerned about her wellbeing. For now that is all you can be. She in her own time will realize this and then she will come towards you for the help you feel she needs. the true love of a sibling who went through abuse as she did. Everyone of us who was abused as a child has to find his/her own way of coming to grips with it to begin healing from it. Stacy always believe in yourself and just be patient with your beautiful and lovely sister even though it is painful for you to see her the way she is. Give her time and I am certain you'll end up very close to each other again.

Sep 08, 2009
You are the winner, Don't you Quit believeing in yoursefl
by: maurice

Stacy Lynn, it's okay to feel the way you do once you know that you have all the belief in yourself to (forgive me) kiss ass gently and live your life to the full again. I can, i will, I must. Stacy Lynn I'm certain you have found your very own way of dealing with the clouday days when the hit you between the two eyes. You have your friends. You alwyas have the counsellor/therapist to confidentially open up to. You've found the natural way. You're the winner now in your own life and destiny. Sure your nicely human like the rest of us who sure have cloudy days too. Pushing away the negative and replacing it with the negative we all have to make the effort from time to time. Thinking positive, Acting positive, Being positive may not come to easily at these times but by doing so you are in control of your feelings. Okay, get off that couch and have a healthier mind in a healthier body, be active be alive. interacting healthily in team sporst is one sure way of keeping away those cloudy days. You know that as well as me. For years I have been a coach of the younger Generation and I know the impotrtance of having a healthy mind in a healthy body. Hug yourself in front of that mirror while saying I'm Special and I love me.

Sep 27, 2009
I need help getting through to my sister too
by: Heather

Hi Stacy, I did a google for "Help, my sister is a stripper" in desperation. I have a situation that is similar, but much much milder than yours. My sister and I had an okay childhood, but my mother was high or drunk most of our childhood and therefore was a pretty crummy mom to us. She really did not and still does not like little kids and she was mean and verbally abusive to us. We are both adults now and I think we have gotten over the negative aspects to our childhood.

I feel guilty too because I have almost graduated with a Doctorate, am engaged and in a very healthy, stable relationship and on track for a successful and normal life. But my sister is completely opposite:

My sister got into drugs when she was 15, sent to rehab and boarding school and recovered. She then got pregnant when she was 17, she married the guy, divorced him a year later and has been extremely unstable ever since. She can't hold a job, she flits from relationship to relationship, moves all the time, lies to me about everything, blows all her money, binge drinks, smokes pot and started stripping last year.

I don't know if this will help you at all, but I just wanted you to know that someone else is in the same situation. I think I will deal with this by just confronting her. She will be mad at me but I am not being a good friend by allowing her to continue this disastrous lifestyle. I would appreciate a post if you figure out a way to get through to your sister.

Thanks for being such a strong inspirational person.

Sep 28, 2009
One cannot live anothers life for them.
by: maurice

I not having brothers or sisters but great friends in small and large family. My best freind is one of 11 children. all bonded, all married and all their children are fantastic. Then I have another friend similiar to you Stacy Lynn and Heather her sister is harem may scarem all over the place with her life while my friend is now accepting she can only say hello from time to time My friend is 40 and her sister is 33, from the country side and there father was not a nice man. They were well educated and my friend has a very good job, while her sister is changeing jobs all over the place and living with a partner who seem to her sister not good for her. But each have their lifes to live now and my friend hopes her sister will see sense in time and have a stable relationship with her and be true sisters again. Your own happiness is the most important for you now Stacy Lynn as is Heather's My friend went through the pain you both are going through and related all her feelings about it to me. Get on with living your life to the full. live well, laugh alot, LOVE much. Get that good self esteem image in the MIRROR of yourself. I'm beautiful and wonderful, I'm special and I love me. I love my sister too but she must LOVE herself too someday and get a good mirror image of herself. Just tell her you care from time to time don't try to change her, she has to do that for herself

Mar 20, 2010
To Heather
by: StacyLynn

Heather,

It was so incredibly hard getting through to my sister a month ago I just sat her down and told her I know you better than anyone else in the world. I know your hurting and I know that you hate yourself. I also know that you feel so overwhelmed because of what you want to accomplish in life. I basically had to throw the truth in her face yes I was terrified that she would be angry with me but I basically told her all the things that she wanted out of life and really saw her for the person she is and could be she just broke down because she never had anyone see potential in her. The main thing that really got to her was the kids I told her that she wanted to someday throw the fact that she is actually a better parent than our parents were in thier faces. I think you really need to sit down and think about all the things that she may want out of life. Open her eyes to new possibilities and just be ther for her. It wont be easy my sister had a few very bad days shes a cutter and she had an episode that could have very easily taken her life. She would crumble in my arms when the pain was to bad but she got through it. She has been clean for three weeks she has a new apartment her kids have dinner with her every night and things are definitly looking up. The main thing is that I realized that our parents betrayed us and no other person in the world could possibly know what we have been through. I hope this helps and I will be praying for your sister. Take care and I hope that this helps. I am very sorry I havnt replied sooner. I am sure your very aware of how demanding school can be. I hope this letter finds you and I will look forward to talking to you again.

StacyLynn

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