Comments for Child Abuse Story From Sid

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Nov 07, 2010
Sid:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're looking at this all wrong. Your father's position about his mother has nothing to do with YOU. It has everything to do with HER. You see, your grandmother and aunts took the molester's side, rather than deal with the reality of the situation. And your father KNEW and KNOWS that. Don't EVER believe that what happened was your fault. It wasn't your fault. And none of what happened in the face of telling was your fault either. The fact that you told is admirable: I commend and applaud that you DID tell. Don't EVER second guess your choice for doing that. Whether or not your molester has to face the legal consequences for what he did to you, it's very likely that others will be protected from suffering the same fate as a result of you speaking out. Now it's time for you to get the help you need in order to deal with the effects of being molested by someone you trusted, and of being betrayed and abandoned by a grandmother and aunts who were (are) sick and twisted in the way they handled the knowledge. Be honest with your parents, otherwise they will not be in a position to be able to help you. They've already proven that they are there for you. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Nov 08, 2010
I Feel For you
by: Anonymous

Hi Sid
My family went through a similar situation this past year when our 13 yr old daughter finally told at school that my husband's adopted 23 yr old brother had sexually abused both her as well as his 13 yr old adopted sister.The 2 girls had tried to support each other but went through the pain of secrecy for a year. It's now in court and as a result my husband's side of the family won't speak to us and claim the girls made it up.
We believe the girls and its been a tough road, especially for our other 3 children who miss their grandparents.But a choice had to be made.Keep a sick family together and disregard what happened, or stand up for what is right for these 2 girls and possibly stop it from ever happening to someone else from him.We chose the latter and even though its sometimes difficult to take the loss we know it could not have been a better choice. We have showed our children never to be afraid to tell, we will always believe them and always there for them. They come first. The abuser took all the rest of it away- not the victims. There is no way to change that , even if it waskept a secret more would have silently suffered than what's happening now.
So you see itwasn't you who caused this, you have so much courage to tell the truth - that's very brave and I am proud of you. Sexual or any form of abuse needs to be stopped- wehave the power to do that. Keep going Sid, get help, it gets easier and good things CAN still happen.

Nov 10, 2010
TO SID - Kudo's for your DAD!
by: patti

Hi Sid, Kudos'd to ur dad for having your back & beleiving in you...Thats the best thing a parent can do is believe in their child..I bet their are many "family secrets" that you are unaware of....Which is the reason why when my child was abuse I beleive her...I stood up for her, my mom, my sister (mother of the abuser) etc all turned on me and settled on denial..The abuser was young and never was accountable for he went on abusin his own sisters etc, and what a mess it is today...Your very young and have such awareness..Dont carry the guilt w/you, I wish I could tell you how not too..but I'm 44 yrs old and still carry guilt w/me, that goes from the abuse I endured as a child, to my child being abused...Also, FEAR plays out in many ways in our lives..If you feel that you dont want to date...DONT..wats the rush and why force yourself to do what you are obviously not ready to do?...be gentle on urself...your beating urself up...And the FEAR of cousin coming after you, Well I was paranoid too.frozen by FEAR..try to assess if your FEARS are validaited, are the abusers doing things today that put your life in jeapard/or harassing you in anyway, ect?? or this could be the normal cycle of the aftermath of abuse..As you get further on,the FEAR may change into anger, then rage..very complex...hope this helps you, but also I realy think your dad deserves a pat on the back...Stay close to him, he sounds like an awesome Dad... be good to you too! ;)

Nov 11, 2010
LONELY ALL THE TIME
by: Helen Louise

I was isolated within my family,too. When Grandmother sided with Dad in denial after his years of molesting my sister and me was revealed to the police. I was accused of being glad Dad might go to jail. I was shipped off so that the police wouldn't talk to me, too. My Grandparents actually took repsonsiblity for my sister, having promised the court that they would gaurd her, and they let him sleep with her. And, they were the saner of the grandparents. I felt so lost to see people whom I had previously trusted betray trust so badly.

Being used like a doll all of your childhood does not make facing life as an independant being easy. The loss of self is devastating. I shifted back and for between depression and grandiosity, without a center. Post tramatic stress made life a constant nightmare. I started counceling at nineteen, after winding up pregnant twice behind drug abuse. Councelor has followed councelor, and one wise friend has followed another. I got into AA and found a structure supportive of me as my family never could have been. Incest groups have helped, too.

I promise, it gets better. Joy has replaced agony in my life. Recovery has not been easy, but it has been a great adventure. And it is not for nothing, for many people suffer the fate that you and I had to suffer, and I am able to help people who come into my acquaintance. This is a kind of usefulness that makes me feel very good about life.

I pray for you,
Helen Louise

Nov 12, 2010
Always believe in yourself: Get help: I will: I can: I must because I am WORTH it
by: maurice

Sid: You are WORTH everything now: Build up your self esteem: Your life is all that matters now: You follow Darlene's guidelines of how to let go and get on with living your life to the full: you be fair to yourself: I am certain you'll do what is right for you: Speak with your parents I am sure thry will listen to you: If not I pray and hope you have real friend or friends of your own age and gender who value and respect you: With their support get into counselling and follow Darlene's heartfelt comment in reply to you truthful telling your story: There is life to be lived after being abused: Darlene is a great example of turning her pain into empowering us all and her many visitors: So be gentle and kind on yourself: Think positive Act Positive Be positive in all you do and say about yourself:

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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