Comments for Child Abuse Story From Shane

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Apr 02, 2009
Part 1: Devastating child abuse effects...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Shane, you are SO right when you say, "I feel like these are all side effects of the abuse." The multitude of effects you listed are so commonplace when children are raised with brutality the way you were. What your violent father did to you wasn't punishment; he purposely tried to hurt you—his actions were criminal, pure and simple. If he had done any of what you described to a grown man, he would have been incarcerated, even though a grown man could have protected himself. The fact that there was no one there to protect you and stop the cruelty is appalling. You did nothing to warrant such mistreatment, Shane, NOTHING!

You DID NOT deserve to be treated as though you were less than human. Only a father who was mentally unstable and twisted in his thinking could possibly do what he did to you, his precious little boy. This is not on you, Shane. Whatever he came from as a boy himself, whatever warped beliefs he had about raising his son, whatever bitterness he latched onto is on him. None of what happened to you was your fault, absolutely NONE OF IT!

What IS on you now is the process of re-building your battered self-esteem. Now is the time to re-write the hateful messages your father sent you, the hateful messages that were pure lies. You ARE lovable, Shane. You ARE worthy. You deserved to be treated with dignity and respect. You may never know for sure just why your father targeted you, but understanding some of the reasons why he might have may help you put things into better perspective; a perspective that leaves YOU as a person out of the equation because you were perfect as you were. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT, SHANE. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. If there is a way for you to get into some form of counselling, I strongly suggest you try it. You're worth that kind of help, help that will focus on re-claiming what your father stole from you.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. And I also thank you for all the supportive comments you've left other visitors. I can tell by those comments that you are truly a caring and loving person. Don't ever let go of that wonderful quality, Shane.

See Part 2: About the inclusion of email addresses... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 02, 2009
Part 2: About the inclusion of email addresses...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You'll note I removed your email address from your story. As you may now be aware, Shane, in order to keep my visitors safe, I do not permit email addresses and other personal information to be shared on this site, be it in stories, articles, commentaries, or in comments left for visitors. The safety of my visitors is too important to me. I thank you for your understanding.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 02, 2009
Public punishments
by: Scott Canada

I too have suffered awful things at home.Not sexual but slapping of the head,choking and being kicked in my rear end with steel toed boots and forced to stay in one place as he continued the kicking. My abuse could occur regardless if I had company or not.My best friend asked me one time "Whats wrong with your father"? Well my father was crazy man.He shot my dog in front of me because it dug a hole.I was 6-8 years old then.I would like to say that you are not alone.What your father was doing to you was child abuse. In regards to public punishments I also know just how that feels. Back when I was 8 years old I was spanked by a female school teacher in front of the whole class.(This was 1973). She spanked me this way numerous times for weeks.I think on occasion probably 2 or three times in one week. Always over her knee and always after the other children(boys and girls) were ordered to sit still and be quiet and not move.They had to have their hands folded on their desks in front of them and watch. This is a small community where everyone knows everyone and their dog. I wrote my story on here earlier but felt as though I should explain that I know how it feels. This teacher decided that I needed more,and one day she pulled my pants and underwear down below my knees and pushed my shirt all the way up over my shoulders while over her lap. She spanked/beat my bared bottom hard with her hand for a long time,warning the whole class that the next one to make a sound will be next. You see the children were whispering and squirming in their seats while watching this,and that bothered her.Only when they got really quiet did she resume smacking me. Once she have finished she put me back on my feet. Everyone saw everything because my shirt was still being held up under my armpits.She dressed me. The next time she took me to the teachers lounge and removed my clothes and used a belt on me while I was laying on her lap.I blacked out during this one.So I would like to say again,I am sorry to hear of your abuse...and you are not alone. Take care.

Apr 02, 2009
interesting
by: Exanimis

Shane, you posted two things that seem important to me. First is that you recognize the symptoms of your abuse. Although I suffer with the exact same symptoms, I thought it was "normal". I thought everybody had a bad childhood and had the same feelings that I had. I didn't realize that I had problems until I was in my 40's. That brings me to the second thing that is important. You are 21 and have a chance at a good life. Realizing that you did not have a normal childhood and realizing the effects of it, have put you on a track to recovery. Don't be afraid of seeking therapy,it's helped teach this old dog a few new tricks.

Take care of yourself Shane. That was your childhood but that boy is not who you are today.

Apr 02, 2009
Thank you!
by: Shane

Thank you so much for your responses. It really helps me feel better, at least for a short while. Both my parents seem to be really bad.. My mom cheated on my dad throughout the whole marriage and I couldn't live with her doing that. And she had no best interest in my future, and has neglected me for years. She also took pictures of me occasionally right after getting beat by my dad to use in court. It was so demoralizing, she didn't even care how it had hurt me, and instead she just hurt me even more by taking pictures of me crying and bruised up. I've spent my whole life feeling unloved until my girlfriend. She's the only thing I have right now. She's also the one that helped me realize I was actually abused.

Apr 03, 2009
safety of Darlene's visitors
by: maurice

Shane, already you know I care, Darlene cares, and others care, This is the beauty of Darlene's site. Safety first for all her visitors, she knowing it allows for real trust to be shared ad mittingly annonomously but we all are aware there is an other beautiful human being who has been pained by abuse at the end of the tips of their fingers sharing and caring in a loving way. Because each one can emphatise with us in that pain as we have suffered at the hands of an abuser, bully, animalistic in some cases with the way the abused children/teens/adolecents whom they should have been nuturing into loveing caring adults so that they in turn could pass on the goodness/greatness within each human being to love one another, to respect one another, etc. Hugs, Hugs, Shane is what you need now from loving caring, trusting adult your own beautiful age of 21. You need a friend, I bet you have one/two whom you have your real within feeling of the awful way you Father treated you, used you as a battering object for his stupid ego to be satisfied. Shane, Heed Darlene's words of her caring love for you. Not easy but at 21 your life is in your hands now. You make yourself the beautiful human being you know you are even after all you've been through. Hi. you can say I love me in the mirror with a little help from your friends and possibly your mam and younger brothers. Let go of the father who never loved or respected you especially humiliating himself and you in front of your scout buddies/friends/compannions. He had no respect for himself, men like that don't deserve to be understood. even though forgiveness goes along way in our healing process.

Apr 10, 2009
Brothers By cricumstance
by: Nikki

Shane, I know how you feel. And if you're anything like me, telling your story was really really hard. Trust me, there is always a brighter horison. You do suffer from the side effects, but you know it. I spent almost 8 years denying I had any trauma from my father. I was wrong, and recognising that so young is great. You remind me of my little sister, Emme. You are a light for others to follow. You are worth every second you live.

Nikki

Apr 12, 2009
I understand
by: Larissa

Dear Shane,

I understand the abuse that you had to indure, i wish i could say that in time, all will be forgotten, but it never goes away fully. You have to find what makes you feel good inside, and try to look past the negative. First do you still have contact with your father? Is so i would consider sitting down with him or writing him a letter, explaining to him how much he had hurt you when you were growing up, it may not fix anything but sometimes closeure provided alot of healiing,when my father was in prison for abusing me and my mother, i wrote me a letter telling how terriable i felt for all the things he did to me, how much i had hate for him, i said alot, he never wrote back or try to commuacate with me, but i knew he was going to have to live with that guilt as well. I am now thirty with three kids of my own and been threw alot with my own marriage, but have decided to fight back by writing a book about my life, in hope it will inspire other victims of abuse...

Good luck
Larissa

Apr 15, 2009
Not a failure
by: megan

Shane, Your story really touched me. I haven't experienced anything like that, and I wish no one had to. I go to a Christian school, its spiritual emphasis week. Today we talked about failure. We all fail, but we are not failures. Nothing you did was your fault. Whenever you think about giving up on something think of this:
"A life spent making mistakes is more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
God has a plan, cast your cares on him and he will give you strength. Take this as a testimony and build yourself up. You are not a bad person. You are a million times a man than your father.
Give it to God and rely on him.
Jerimiah 29:11
For i know the plans i have for you declares the LORD plans to prosper you not to harm you.
God didn't hurt you your father did. Just remember that. God's arms are always open.

Apr 16, 2009
Thanks
by: Shane

Thank you for your comments everyone. I really do appreciate you listening. Larissa, I actually don't want to confront my dad about the situation. I'm really scared to, I think it will stir up more problems. I don't really know what kind of steps I should take with this, sometimes I feel fine and as though nothing can stop me, but then others I feel the exact opposite. My self esteem fluctuates drastically. Thanks again for all you're support everyone!

From Darlene: Shane, I once wrote a scathing letter to my father, one that I never sent. I just let myself write every feeling and thought I had, without fear of retribution. At one point I got so angry as I wrote that I ripped the paper clear through with my pen. After I was done, I read the letter, and then I ceremoniously set it ablaze. It was one of the most cathartic things I ever did. So if you DO decide to write your father a letter, don't get bogged down with the thoughts that you have to send it; go into the exercise with the intent of letting all your feelings out. You too might find it therapeutic.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 16, 2009
There's always a brighter Horizon thats for sure
by: Maurice

How beautiful on he mountain are the feet that bring good news. Shane, Thank You. for acknowledgeing the wonderful, loving heartfelt commemnts from Me, Meagan, Larissa, Exanimus,Nikki, SCOTT Darlene. You sure gave me hope for a brighter future knowing there's true caring people around even from a distance on Darlene's site. It sure is comforting to be re-assured that people care. For ME reading the comments gave me a great uplift for myself. I know now it is beneficial to share a comment on another visttors story to Darlene Site. it does not go astray. All abuse is wrong, no doubt in my mind about that now. At 62 years Scott comment was so honest and true. being spanked on the bare bottom in front of the other children in the class was ever so degrading and humiliating especially that a female teacher doing it to him in his tender years. What age one is when that happens is no different, the effects of that linger on and on until one is lucky to get a real caring genuine listener who understands and believes you. I know, my closest of friends and the other boys were one great voice when anyone of us was spanked/leathered on our bare bottoms in front of the Class or in the deans office with us all lined up with pants down from the youngest to the oldest. THIS IS WRONG The fear in us all waiting for our turn hearing the leather on the others bare flesh and tenderness does not go away too easily. The effects of abuse are can be soul destroying for us who went through it. But there is healing and it begins for most here on Darlene's site. Out there now as I put my comment here, I know you all emphatise with me and the other visitors to Darlene's sight. Male/female being abused, humiliated, bruised/battered effects us all differently so I am not making comparrisons. being hit on one's bare buttocks effects each of us etc with the other forms of hitting and beating. It is me who was hurt.brusied, physically/mentally by it all. Thanks to each one mentioned for being there for shane and ME. Thank you Darlene. writing is theraphy in itself especially when I. one, knows it will be treated with tender loving care.

Jun 02, 2009
Agian, your not alone!
by: K.C.

Shane, I can say that in a way I feel your pain. I feel worthless ALOT. My dad always targeted me and still does. I always wondered if he ever told anyone, but it never would have mattered. I really wish I could just hug you and let you know everything will be ok. Your not worthless.

Jun 17, 2009
To Shane
by: Doty

I've heard about a lot that has happened to you as I was a closer part to your family. And now even that I am not too close to your family I am touched by you. You are such a sweet boy. You have a girlfriend who loves you and will help you along the way. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Remember one important thing, Shane.
I love you.
I love you.
I love YOU.

Jul 06, 2009
So many crimes committed
by: Anonymous

Shane, I'm sorry about what your so-called parents had done to you because they are sick people who need help. The way your "mom" uses evidence like that (taking pictures of your bruised body everytime you got brutalized by your so-called father) is very humiliating. I hope your girlfriend is with you now because she is so sweet for doing that. Have you tried counselling? I wish you and your girlfriend all the best.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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