Comments for Child Abuse Story From SB

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Jan 11, 2012
SB:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm going to be very honest with you. At fifteen years of age, you are not in a position to be able to take care of all the people in your family. You just aren't, much as you want to be. Your sister's child may well benefit from having you in her life, but given you are not this child's mother, there are extreme limits to what you can offer. As for needing a mother in your life as being one of the reasons you are going back, she isn't a mother in your life and never will be. You are holding onto a dream, a dream that your mother cannot fulfill. Your mother is deeply damaged, likely from her own abusive childhood. She needs a great deal of professional help, but you can't give her the help she needs. Trying to provide your mother with what she needs will be your demise. But most importantly, YOU need help, SB. Please contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. Yes, you've had to grow up fast. But that doesn't mean that you can handle what you've decided is your lot in life. Whether you realize it or not, your youth, your vulnerabilities and your inexperience put you at risk for continuing the cycle of abuse even though you don't believe you ever will. Very few people go into such situations with the idea that they're going to be abusive. Reach for help, SB. You can't do this alone. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jan 12, 2012
There is help
by: Rita M

Hi SB,
I have read your story and it sounds like you have had an aweful hard start in life.Your mother
and father hurt you.Your sister has a child.You are not old enough to be a mother.There are services out there that can provide help for you.
I know you want to look after your mother but you are way too young.You need help to release all your hurts and grow before you can help your mother and your sisters child.While you are getting help go back to school and be with the teens that you can relate to in sports and get
your school grades up where they should be.You can
call Childrens services where you are and ask for advice for yourself and just open up and be honest.Don't keep it in side.You must release it all.It takes time but you need to get it out.It helps you to regain your senses of health and energy and happiness.If you keep it in you will
hurt longer for no reason.Don't deny yourself of help.That is what it's for.When you start this the key thing is never give up.Your mother Im sure
would like it if you could heal.Showing her love is getting help for her.There are alot of free services.Just ask for all what you need.Help yourself first before you help others.Age 15 is when you need to find some healthy thinking teens
that love sports or other healthy things.It is work but it is worth it.Healing isn't always painful I found it to be fun too.Take the first step and NEVER QUIT OR GIVE UP.Life is worth it.

Jan 12, 2012
use this time to get ready to fly.
by: Jill

SB,
Like your mom, my birth mom (I don't call her mom anymore) has had Crohn's since I was born. She blames me for this, though I know it was there long before. She almost died when I was 6 and was psychologically never the same. I had to grow up fast and take on an adult role I was never meant to have. I became the parent in my family, but they held the purse strings over my head. This is a terribly dysfunctional role for a child. She used her power to abuse me and allowed my family and her friends to abuse me too. It was all a secret. I wasn't told she had Chrone's till I was 17 and about to graduate.

I had never known what a loving relationship was in my family. I created a fantasy to help me survive; that if I tried hard enough, someday she would understand. No matter how awful she was, I kept going back. My birth dad (don't call him dad anymore) even encouraged me to do this when they were divorced. Now I see he did it to keep her away from him. When my kids were little, she started acting strange w/them and kidnapping my son. Her new husband wanted to see more of my daughter. I was watching my son lead her around a mall when I had a major awakening, I'd been here before and I had to get my kids away from these people - now!!! I haven't seen them since and a few years afterward my memories came flooding back. She was later diagnosed w/Pernicious Anemia (related to Chrone's) and it became apparent that she'd developed this shortly after I was 6. With that has come a slow form of dementia, which she clearly suffers from though she doesn't want to admit it because she can still function enough to run her life.

I look back to when I was 17 and know that it was the time where I should have left her far behind. She was and is a very psychologically ill person and I can't do anything about that. She's a master at turning everything around to make her unhealthy behavior look healthy and others' healthy behavior look unhealthy. I saved myself by moving away turning my life around, and it's up to other family members to save themselves and their children.

At 15, you're in a place where saving yourself is the very best thing you can do. I know you care about your sister's baby safety, but legally there's nothing you can do. It's up to your sister to decide to get away from her. Moving back in w/ your mom would remove any power in your life you have right now. It's a fantasy to think you could protect a baby when you are 15 and you have no rights to do so in your mother's home. Understanding with the help of others outside your family (counselors, social workers, etc...) what is going on with the dynamics in your mom, sister and dad's lives will give you the power to make healthy changes in your own life that will help you become the person you want to be who makes a difference as you become a legal adult. You only have 3 years to go til you're 18, use this time to get ready to fly and you will!

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