Comments for Child Abuse Story From Sara2

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Jul 24, 2008
TALK to someone...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sara, what your father did to you was, is, and always will be HIS responsibility to bear; not yours. He's a violent sex offender. He brainwashed you into believing that somehow you had something to do with his actions; you didn't. He would have offended you REGARDLESS of what you did or did not do. That was his method of control over you. That is the method of most offenders. The first order of business is to teach yourself that you have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty for, because you don't have anything to be ashamed of or feel guilty for.

Secondly, please get some form of counselling for yourself in order to help you deal with the turmoil you are now experiencing. Neither my visitors nor I am in a position to offer the kind of help you really need—words of encouragement and support can only go so far. Only YOU can find help for yourself. Check out the resources at your college; perhaps there is a counsellor there who can offer you some assistance. A local woman's shelter or crisis center may be able to provide you with some resources to contact as well.

Sara, I know you're not yet ready for the legal avenue, and you may not ever BE ready—by "ready" I'm referring to the healing and recovery process (talking to someone about the abuse, counselling, etc., as well as the desire to pursue the legal path). Depending on where you live, there may be a restrictive statute of limitations for filing a criminal suit against your father for sexual molestation. For example, in the state of Texas, the statute of limitations for a sexual offense committed against a child is 10 years after the minor turned 18; in the state of Maryland, it's 7 years. Whether or not you want to go ahead with such legal action, it is imperative that you get some form of counselling. Treat YOURSELF better than the male who doesn't deserve to be called your father ever did. You're worth it, Sara.

And Sara, please bookmark the following article on this site titled Child Abuse: Dispelling 6 Myths About Self Blame. The next time you tell yourself it was your fault, go to that article and read the message there over and over again, until you begin to realize that none of what happened to you was your fault. NONE OF IT!

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 25, 2008
Memories
by: Haylry

Hi Sara, how are you today? AS Darlene said, abusers find anyway they have to get powre over their victims. It is only your fault in his eyes. In the real worl, it's his. It takes some doing to get your head around it, but you'll get there eventually. It may take a whiile to deal with the full scale of the trauma. It isn't the physical scars after all. Don't get disheartend if you think you can end counselling but after some time you need to go back. It is annoying, but it helps.

I was forced back this week, and two colleagues at work, including my ward manager both said I was doing the right thing. Not only that but I have been allowed to change my shifts to attend. It's really nerve racking at first, talking about yourself, but after a bit, you get used to it. When you look forward to your appointments, it shows progress and recovery will have well and truly srarted.

Your a really strong person Sara, and you can do this no matter how long it takes.

Something I have taken to do, which albeit it expensive but still very good as an incentive to go to counselling, when you have your first appointment, bet yourself a little treat. Every time you reach a landmark, get a new treat. It might be a painful reminder, but it is also a way of seeing how far you have come in your progress in recovery. You think you won't get so far but you do. When you see the treat, you can think you never banked on getting that far and how fantastic you have done.

Hang on in there and don't (ever) give up

Jul 25, 2008
There is help
by: Linda

Sara,
There is help for you and please find a counselor in town where you go to school and tell them and start working with them. When I finally told, I was 30 and felt so guilty when I finally told. Don't be scared, you can walk through anything because you endured so much since childhood. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! You will learn this through counseling and talking to someone you trust about your abuse. I am so proud of you for having the courage to write your story. You are beginning your life and starting down the road to healing. Get some help now so that your life can begin to get better because you will feel better about yourself. Don't loose faith.... it was really hard for me too. Now I am 51 and am thankful everyday that I no longer have that terrible secret. All of us here will help support you through this time.

Aug 06, 2008
sara2
by: bennie

I feel so bad for you. It seems like yesterday that i was going through the same situation but with my step-father. It has been many years but it is something that will never leave you. Eventually though the pain will lessen. But being so young you will always feel like it was your fault I know . I have been told a hundred times that it was not my fault but I can't shake it. I went through years of counseling, a week in a mental institution and i can't count on my fingers how many times i have attempted suicide. But I have learned that life does get better. I had a lot of trouble with boys growing up because i thought the only way to be love was through sex and i was used many times. But now looking back I'm so glad that i pulled through because otherwise i would not have found my wonderful husband. Life is very delicate and easy to lose a handle on your own . My advice to you is to ignore the mean comments, recite the good ones and smile You are a beutiful person and someday you will see that to. My grandmother used to say God only puts on your shoulders what he knows you can handle. God knows that you can handle this that you are a strong person and you will make it through this just keep your head up

Aug 06, 2008
sara2
by: bennie

The hardest part is telling my abuse went on for years before i said anything. If it had not been for my camp counsler i might still be in the shoes you are. You must tell or you will detroy yourself. Life is to precious your father is an evil man and does not deserve a child like you tell your friends, mom, anybody will help you. I went to church camp and was happy that whole week till the last night when i knew i had to go home to him i could'nt take it i cried and Emily saved me so cry out sara anyone with a heart will come to your rescue

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