Comments for Child Abuse Story From Sal

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Nov 20, 2008
Some questions to consider for yourself...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sal, it WASN'T your fault; it DID happen; you WEREN'T—AREN'T— a liar. Your mother had serious problems that you bore the brunt of. Her emotional abandonment must have been devastating. You endured emotional abuse and neglect by your mother, and every form of abuse there is by a child molester.

Your mother also physically abandoned you (and so did your father). Allow me to pose this question: If your mother had not turned her back on you physically, if you had been able to stay with her, would you have been better off? Consider the ways that you were better off: she was indifferent to you even before the abuse at the hands of that twisted excuse for a man; the abuse was going on for years, yet she supposedly did not know that something untoward was happening to her beautiful and precious daughter; she didn't believe you when you finally felt safe enough to disclose the molestation. I'm sure you can come up with even more examples.

On a purely logical level you know that you can't change what happened to you in your past; yet on an emotional level you continue to relive your past over and over in your mind. Memories are thoughts, Sal. People don't let go of thoughts; thoughts let go of them, but only when those unhealthy thoughts are questioned and reversed.

Reliving the abusive events and reliving the effects of these events, manifests in your role as a wife and mother, but it also manifests within you. Consider these questions, Sal: Have you abandoned yourself in the same way your mother abandoned you? Find some genuine examples of such self-abandonment. Are you neglecting yourself the same way both your mother and father neglected you? Again, find some genuine examples of such self-neglect. By reliving your memories of the abuse over and over in your mind, can you understand that your unhealthy thoughts are in a sense sexually abusing you each and every day, in spite of the fact that you are no longer physically experiencing that abuse? These above questions are a way to reverse your thoughts, Sal. Only by questioning and then reversing your unhealthy thoughts, can you hope to have those thoughts let go of you.

You were powerless as a child. As an adult, you CAN make choices for yourself that will help move you forward. The fact that you are aware of what is happening to you is a HUGE plus. But now you must act on that knowledge. I cannot be strong enough in my urgings for you to seek out some form of counselling for yourself. For your personal sanity, it's time to stop "pretending", and instead to start "professing". A professional can help you with that. You're worth that kind of help, Sal, you really are.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Nov 20, 2008
thanks
by: Anonymous

thank you for your words. i needed to read them. you really put so much thought into trying to help me today that i am going to think about what you said. maybe i will write and answer your questions to myself. i like that you said not to abandon myself. i think that made a lot of sense.

i read about your book. you went through a lot. you seem so strong. it gives me hope.

i am sorry for what you went through.

thanks for helping us have somewhere to tell secrets. thank you for giving us a voice.

i thought if i said it, it would just die.

but i didn't, i am still here. i am going to think a lot about this.

Note from Darlene: Thank you for your kind words, Sal. I seldom hear back from my contributors; when I do, I am very appreciative.

What you've just written above tells me you are on well your way to improving things for yourself. Congratulations! And you are so right; you thought saying what happened to you would cause your death, yet here you still are. And I am so glad you are still here. Keep questioning those unhealthy thoughts and then reverse them. You'll be amazed at just how healing that can be.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Nov 21, 2008
All I can say is Sorry.
by: Anonymous

I am sorry you had to go through so much. Please do what Darlene said to do and get better. I found your story, and I love you. Please let me help. I don't want to add to the pain. You are worth it Sal.

Nov 23, 2008
My thoughts are with you
by: kristen

I am so sorry you had to endure this. This is just a short note to let you know that you are not alone and that I am thinking of you.
k

Nov 24, 2008
thanks
by: Anonymous

i came by today, to read others storys. i saw that someone cared and left a comment for me. i wanted to say thanks. i appreciate the love that i feel that you would care to do that. thank you.

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