Comments for Child Abuse Story From Rupert Bear

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Mar 23, 2008
There is another way...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Steven, what you suffered through was terribly heinous and should never have happened. You deserved love and to be protected from harm. The adults in your life failed you miserably; there's no question about that. But to say that your past "damaged any chance I had of progressing as a human" is simply not true. You are identifying yourself as a victim of severe sexual and physical abuse; that's not who you are, Steven. That was your life situation.

Please consider another way, a way that will have you living in the Present, in the Now; not in the past as an identifier of who you are, or in the future for fulfillment. This may sound like gibberish to you right now; bear with me.

You say you've read a lot...when you're ready, I recommend another two books, both from Eckhart Tolle:
  • A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
  • The Power of NOW, A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
I still strongly recommend counselling to help you unravel the emotional turmoil. You have trust issues, I understand that. But those trust issues are only with you when you identify your past as who you are. You are not your past. You are much more than the life situation that made up your past.

Please consider the two books, Steven. They really can set you free, but only when you are ready. And when you are ready, I hope you will post on my Awakening page on this site.

Thank you for sharing your story and for the message that a person cannot do it alone.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 23, 2008
victims
by: barbara

I had to stop thinking of myself as a victim,and think positive that god had a purpose for me even though i may not always feel like it.and the same is true for you, your special to god and do not forget that!people who abuse people will get their payback whether it is here on earth or in hell!

Mar 24, 2008
Trust
by: Tina Lou

Your comments about being cynical about people is so true about me. Because I was never allowed to have friends over I have always had a hard time making friends. I know this sounds horrible but generally speaking I don't like many people. I always put up barriers to stop people getting close to me. Thank goodness my boyfriend of 17 years years with whom I live has helped me a lot, he is so normal and mentally healthy, yes he had a good childhood and a loving mother. He has helped me not be so angry all of the time he understands certain aspects of my personality are, as he puts it, products of my environment.When all of this came up again recently I was very angry for a couple of days but now at least I understand why I am like that and fight it. I understand I am damaged goods, but I am still too good to discard!

Mar 31, 2008
A like mind
by: Elaine Riley

Dear Rupert Bear,

What an articulate and insightful story...

I'm a qualified Social Worker, and also a survivor of childhood abuse myself. My abusers were my parents.

I read your story and was amazed at how well it articulated many of my own feelings about abuse. I'm now 37, and it frightens me to recognise how often my past experiences of abuse still affect me today.

Like you, I have found it hard to fit in, hard to trust. In the past, I have "gone off the rails" and indulged in many impulsive behaviours that now make me feel ashamed - eating disorders, bingeing, taking laxatives, excessive drinking, running away from home... the list goes on. I now recognise these as my inappropriate coping strategies, my "cry for help".

Please don't blame yourself for things that have happened. You may feel alone, but recognise you are not. Sometimes it's that desperate desire to tell someone what happened to us, but at the same time not knowing who to trust, that can be so isolating. Don't blame yourself entirely for destroying friendships. I've lost friends in the past too, many due to my behaviours (such as friends unable to cope with my eating disorders).

Friendships are all about two individuals "testing the water" in terms of getting to know each other. Friendships endure when those people trust and care about each other, have mutual goals and interests, and are often at similar stages in their lives. Some friendships last, some don't. No single person can usually be held responsible for this.

You have a lot of self-recrimination. So do I. Sometimes, the easiest option is to blame oneself. Sometimes this is the only readily available answer to so many uncomfortable questions. But it is NOT the only, or the right answer.

You also have a lot of insight. You recognise that you have "issues" (for want of a better word); you recognise you lack emotional control, and trust; you recognise that you find positive decision making difficult. This could be a starting point for something better.

You do need to talk to someone; maybe a Counsellor, if you can face this. You have the power to choose, and to choose a Counsellor appropriate to your needs, if you wish. You have already identified the possible areas of your life you wish to work on, and had the courage to tell your story on this website. Surely this strength of character can prevail in the long term?

This commenter has a "room" on OpenSpace on this website. To read her various entries, check out Elaine's Room.

Apr 18, 2008
proverbs 17:17
by: Anonymous

God is the only answer

Oct 16, 2010
peter pan a child in a mans body
by: richard

Just want to say i do know where you are coming from i was sexually abused from age 4 to 20 not only sexually but mentally only told one person my partner because i did not want to go to my dads funeral and that did not seem normal and yes i have read both them book but putting them in to pratice is hard take life one day at a time thats all you can do could go on for days talking about this subject and yes one of the sider effects is poor spelling and a millon others

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