Comments for Child Abuse Story From Rose

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Dec 27, 2008
Your niece...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Rose, your 18-year-old niece must be dealing with a great deal of turmoil and emotional trauma right now. Her mother beat her with a metal bed post; imagine her terror when the woman who was supposed to love and protect and nurture and care for her was instead busting her up with a weapon that could do serious damage, and maybe even kill her. And then, imagine the betrayal and abandonment when she was dropped off, clothes and all, as if she were the trash, unworthy of love and a home.

And then imagine your niece's fear when her father, the man who wasn't there to protect her, hauled her in to the police station to make a report for child abuse, only to be faced with being treated as an adult even though she is still really a child.

And then imagine the nausea and shaking at having to "betray" her own mother by making a statement that ultimately put her mother in jail for battery. And imagine how confusing it was for her to have her father standing beside her, encouraging her to file those charges.

Imagine the fear and trepidation of all of that at 18 years old, and then imagine how she must be feeling as she watches the women in her life pitted in a twisted game of blame and finger pointing when all she wants is to be comforted and hugged and told how much she's loved and wanted.

Rose, you were there for your niece when she needed you the most; you can be very proud of that. Now you must be there for her in the capacity that she needs you: in support, encouragement and as the adult she needs you to be. I don't believe your sister and your mother have grounds for a lawsuit, but if that concerns you, I suggest you contact an attorney.

Part 2: Perhaps it's time for a change... is below.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Dec 27, 2008
Part 2: Perhaps it's time for a change...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've been a very good daughter by caring for your mother, Rose. You've done your duty and you can be very proud of that; and now the time may have come for you to physically separate yourself from your mother. The time may have come for you to move out and live on your own again. And the time may have come for you to put distance between you and your sister. If this competition between you and your sister for your mother's love continues, your niece will continue to pay the price.

With all due respect, Rose, you ARE 43 years old; if you allow yourself to be further dragged into the game your 40-year-old sister and aging mother have drawn you into, then you all may as well be in kindergarten. As harsh as that may sound, you need to hear it because that isn't what your niece needs. She needs someone in her life to be strong and grown up. She needs a role model, someone who won't get wrapped up in mind games; someone with a clear head; someone who won't EVER talk badly about her mother or grandmother. In other words, Rose, you. Gain strength in the knowledge that you are responding in a mature and healthy way. Modeling that kind of behaviour is one of the healthiest things you can do for your niece, even if she doesn't yet recognize it as healthy. After all, she has 18 years of dysfunction to re-program in herself.

And, Rose, when you need support, turn to someone you can trust, someone who will lend an ear and a hug when you need it, someone other than your mother or your sister or your niece.

Thank you for sharing your story and your niece's story with my visitors and me. I wish you and your niece all the best.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Dec 28, 2008
I can see such a caring aunt in you...
by: Francine

Rose, I am sorry about your niece. I am also sorry that your mom wouldn't care about you as a kid (although you have to take care of her today). You see, my uncle had witnessed my mom bullying me only a few times and tried to stop her from bullying me. I hope you and your niece try counselling cuz you are both worth the help that you and your niece deserve. Hang on!

Dec 28, 2008
you did a good thing....
by: touched2mysoul

Dont worry about your mother and her anger... you did the right thing and a good thing by supporting your neice. Someone needs to speak up for those that cant speak up for themselves... i applaud what you did... i also encourage you to stand up for yourself... your mother and sister... if they cant see that what happened was wrong.. the issue is with them not u...

Dec 28, 2008
Thanks
by: Rosella

Thanks so much for your input Darlene. You made a lot of sense. I do need to separate myself from my mother and my sister. The other day when I was home, my sister came by and I spoke to her and she would not even speak to me. My mother doesn't say anything to her about that and they talk two and three times a day and my mother hardly has two words to say to me at all. Thanks again, your comment has made me re-evaluate my life and I have considered moving on with my life and separating myself from my mother and my sister!

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