Comments for Child Abuse Story From Richelle B

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Apr 11, 2008
Deception...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Richelle, you must learn from the past if you have any hope of ensuring that what happened to your daughter at the hands of Stu, the man you thought so highly of, never again happens to any one of your children.

Men like Stu look for and prey on vulnerable women with children; that's how they find their victims. They come across as wonderful, even heroic, they sweep the woman right off her feet, leaving her to believe that he can do no wrong. Leaving her to trust him implicitly. Leaving her to ignore possible signs. Leaving her to brush aside anything that might have even the appearance of impropriety.

The fact that Stu was so good looking and that he was an air force man didn't make him any less likely to molest than anyone else. Sex offenders come from all walks of life, from all economic backgrounds, from all ethnicities, all religious sects, from any age group, from any sexual orientation, from males, females and from any genetic make-up. Richelle, I refer you to my sex offenders page on this site. There you will find two tables that identify who offenders are and what they say and do that make their young victims keep the secret.

Your own tumultuous past, the countless homes, and the suffering you endured left you looking for a rescuer and unable to see through Stu's deception. But in order to help your daughter, indeed all of your children, you must start living in the present. You must be there for your children in the here and now, as their mother, not as a past victim of child abuse.

I hope you and your daughter are in some form of therapy. Your daughter, so that she can deal with the trauma of having been sexually assaulted by a man she called her father, and with her feelings of betrayal and abandonment. You, in order to learn more about boundaries and what it is in you that needs someone in your life as a savior. Your children deserve and need a mother who can protect them and who can stand on her own two feet.

I sincerely wish you and your children all the best.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 12, 2008
Run--don't walk--to get help today!
by: Linda Settles

Dear Richelle,

My heart is broken for you and for your children, especially your eleven year old daughter. What a horrible way to pass the threshold from childhood to adloscent. Puberty is a difficult time at best. With the baggage piled on your little girl, it is impossible to navigate without help--a lot of it. Get your daughter into counseling. Now. Today. Don't wait. A mother's love is not rooted in feelings but in action. Do it. Now. it is the most effective way to say I am sorry and the only way to keep your daughter from hating you when life matures into the horror that it most certainly will if she falters through the transition from child to young woman without a guiding hand and a compassionate heart to see her through it. As much as you love her, you will not be able to provide the guidance, comfort, and reassurance that she so desperately needs, because a part of her healing will be in processing the pain caused by your denial of the symptoms of her agony.
The abuse you experienced set you up to deny your child's trauma. It paved the way for you to need a rescue more than you needed to be there for your children. It even colored the lenses of your world view so that you misinterpreted the predators lust as affection, and his attention as positive. If you are determined, as I believe you are, that this will not happen again--to any of your children--get help for yourself. Today! Now. Run, don't walk, to whatever social agency is available to pay for counseling and set up an appointment for yourself as well as your daughter. Get involved in a recovery program. That won't cost you a penny--just your time. Precious time-well spent time. Celebrate Recovery has groups that meet almost everywhere.
You can find their locations on line. If you don't have a computer, go to Fed Ex or Kinkos (or a similar place) and use their computers. The Fed ex near my home charges .20 per minute and will show you how to get online. There is no excuse for delay. The future of your children and your own life depend on it. Get help today--and God be with you as you pursue help. God promises us a future and a hope if we turn to Him in our time our trouble. Help is available. The rest is up to you.

This commenter has a "room" on OpenSpace on this website. To read her various entries, check out Linda's Room.

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