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Jul 11, 2009
I'm so glad you wrote, Red...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Hon, on this site you are welcome to use the name Red if that helps you. No one here will judge you for that, or anything else you share. And don't ever worry about offending anyone. This is about YOU and the pain you've suffered, and still suffer with. You are worthy, Red, always remember that.

You were betrayed and abandoned not only by your biological parents and by your adoptive parents as well, but by the system who failed to protect you from assaults. Your adoptive mother was seriously troubled to have said what she said to you. She viewed you as "the other woman" rather than what you were: a victim of rape by her own father. As for the therapist who told you mother "Yes children her age do that and then the parents suffer", it would seem she was not being professional. Therapists are human, and as such, they are capable of making statements and judgments based on their own biases that are simply wrong. But not all therapists are created equally. We don't get to see how well they did in school, nor do we get to know them until we spend time in their office in sessions. A truly professional therapist would never say such a thing, especially in the presence of the child who was molested. Nor would a highly trained and ethical therapist even think such a thing.

I'm very glad that you wrote your story down. I agree, that it can help immensely, and that the catharsis can be more powerful without others to judge or ask questions. But it does seem to me that you want to reach out since you've done so here on my site. I'm honoured that you have, Red. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 11, 2009
So Sorry.....
by: Christina

Red, I am so sorry. So very, truly sorry. I cried as I read your story... So similar to mine with the physical and emotional abuse... I'm so sorry... I wish with all my heart I could have protected you...

I look at myself the same way... As an adult, I look at my own story as if it weren't me. I get angry, because I feel like I should have protected myself. And I feel the same way when I read other peoples stories. I want to just take you, protect you... Hid you from those crazy, psychotic people...

Nobody should be subjected to that... You are an amazing person to have created a life for yourself. You are kind, intelligent and a SURVIVOR!

I'm so happy you shared your story. You have to let it out, and yes... you're right about sharing it online. Nobody knows who you are or where you are and you're protected without the staring... Don't worry about anyone judging you, you DID NOTHING wrong...

I will pray for you, pray that you heal completely and will be free of the nightmarish thoughts. Be kind to yourself...

One of my old school teachers who knew what was happening to me, but never said it (until I was much older - we are still friends) she said that I needed to "love yourself, be gentle with yourself and hug yourself often. You are a blessing and beautiful and no matter what anyone does or says to you, they cannot take that away." She told me when I got older that she knew there was abuse, but wanted to be my friend to keep an eye on me... She never told and I'm thankful for that, but she became a great friend and still is (15 years later)...

Love yourself... you are worth it. I believe it, and someday, you will too.

You're in my prayers

Jul 11, 2009
Great You Found Darlene's site You are one very special woman.
by: maurice

Red 1 behind that lovely anonymity is one very special and beautiful woman with feelings. Great you freed yourself from that Hell Hole for you. Your biological parents deserted you. Your so called adoptive parents treated you sexually and harshly. Your beautiful childhood innocence robbed of it's dignity, it's respect and of tender loving care. Red 1 you owe it to yourself now to LOVE yourself. You were ever so brave and honest to tell Darlene and her visitors your own story. All of us with Darlene have some sense of your pain and hurt and memories of awful days in your childhood. Why your therapist let you down we'll never know, she did you a diservice by breaking your trust. As Darlene says they're human too no excuses for them to be un-professional ever in my Book. You are highly intelligent, well able to put your own sense on what is right for you now. Darlene is your stepping stone to greatness. Always believe in yourself Red 1. I am a great believer in having a good mirror image of oneself. Begin today saying how wonderful and beautiful you are in the mirror. Love yourself all over, that beautiful body of yours erase those bad memories of what that sicko of the male species did to you. The scars will remain, rape in your tender years will take time to rid yourself of. Be brave, begin to trust yourself and say I could not help that happening, I did not want it to happen to me, it was never my doing. I did not like it as that woman tried to convince people I did. Be gentle with yourself now. soothe away those scars with tender loving care of your body. body massage yourself with cream. we all acknowledge our beauty from within so you start today. I am beautiful, I love me, I am the bestest, I'm special, I can accomplish anything I want for me in my life. I am sure you have a few close friends and one or two who know you through and true. let them Hug you back to having good feelings about yourself. Darlene words of love to you will help you to understand.

Jul 11, 2009
A heartless system
by: Anonymous

Red, I'm sorry about the cruelty that you had to go through at the hands of those sadistic abusers of yours. I can relate, at least a little. My so-called parents put me through slightly similar stuff, too, and everyone else outside of my so-called family has always loved them...and those who loved my so-called parents to pieces never cared enough to help me; in fact, they have always told me that I should always "honor my 'parents'" and more. I hope all your abusers go to prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you and I also hope you tried counselling. Be brave, Red, and stay strong.

Jul 12, 2009
Im sorry for your experience
by: Nikki S

Red, thanks for sharing with us and please know that we would never judge you and I think we've all felt those exact feelings before. Fear of being judged and never being accepted.

My heart goes out to you and your healing, Darlene and the other survivors on this site are amazing and very compassionate people, that understand and would never judge any of us.

It takes a lot to share, and your story touched me and intertwined with my story in so many ways. The system let you down hun, you didn't let anyone down.

Lots of healing thoughts and energy


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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life


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