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Mar 10, 2009
 Part 1: I can relate...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I know what it's like to be told you're worthless, won't amount to anything, that people hate you, etc.; my mother did the same to me. I learned later, as an adult, that she was really talking about herself. That by degrading me and trying to destroy who I was (someone stronger than she could stand) she, in her own twisted way, was elevating herself. But of course, this could never happen, since she continued to see herself as the battered and beaten little girl her own mother tried to destroy. What aggravated my mother most when I was a teenager was that I had my own mind, because she had never had that opportunity. So in fact, my mother was jealous of me. Learning this was quite the revelation, one I had a difficult time adjusting to, since I was still in the mind of the child. What my mother tried to do to me sounds like what your mother tried to do to you. It took its toll on me, as I can see it took its toll on you. I ended in therapy; but when I came to terms with all my mother had really tried to do to me and why, and then when I realized I was strong and resilient, I realized I had the power to make choices in my life that would be healthy, and that as long as I was an adult, I could no longer blame her for the choices I made. It was a defining moment.

See Part 2: Past vs Present... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Mar 10, 2009
 Part 2: Past vs Present...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your mother cannot continue to destroy your life unless you allow that to happen. You must take back control and not allow your mother the power to affect who you are now, today. This can be difficult, I know; but I also believe you can do it. You didn't deserve to be told you wouldn't amount to anything. You didn't deserve to have love withheld. You didn't deserve to be told no one would like you or that you weren't good at anything. What you deserved was love and respect and dignity. You deserved to have a well adjusted mother, a mother who was caring and loving. But that's not what you got; you were robbed of what you deserved; and for that your mother was—IS—to blame. The question for you now is whether or not you will continue to blame your mother for the choices you get to make in your life now. Your Past is just that: your Past. Your future hasn't happened yet. You can only live in the Present moment. And living to the fullest in the Present moment will affect your future. Bitterness and hatred will only continue to destroy the person you can really be, which means that your mother continues to yield power over you. Don't continue to let that happen.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
May 13, 2009
 Great you've found a Sanctuary/Haven of help
by: Anonymous

Oh Private, regard yourself as LUCKY and a great and wonderful, special, unique in your own beautiful right. You look in the MIRROR and say to that person in the Mirror I can accomplish anything I want but I need to choose to do it for myself and myself alone. You owe it to youself Private to make the best of life and live it to the full each day you raise your head from the pillow. You Mother is your mother as mine was mine. Mother's can sadly not bring out the best in their lack of knowledge how to be a good mother. I have journeyed with 100's who were sadly abused by their mothers unintentionally in a small percent of them. But knowingly by the majority who abused and ruined their childs life. Be brave, Be strong, Heed the loving caring advice from Darlene she has the mothering insticts and does emphatise with you in a huge way Private. Make her words real for you.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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