Comments for Child Abuse Story From Paul K

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May 27, 2009
Part 1: Questioning whether or not memories are real...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Paul, that priest "groomed" you and took advantage of your youth and vulnerabilities. He also groomed your parents, and as such, set you up for keeping the secret and further abuse at the hands of another. You were a child, Paul. He was the adult, a trusted adult with authority over you; authority that he breached to the most heinous degree. And now you are left with the repercussions of the heinous acts he (and another) committed against you. These acts weren't your fault, Paul. Whether or not you were more developed at a young age, you are not to blame. Even if you HAD been fourteen, those acts would have been illegal; they still would have constituted sexual abuse.

I can understand questioning whether or not your memories are real. When our bodies are trying to deal with something so traumatic that it threatens our very existence, our minds protect us by repressing or blocking out the memory. Later, as we go through the various ages and stages of life, such as entering into intimate relationships, those memories can be triggered. When we are in a position to be able to either make sense of that memory or when we are capable of dealing with the original trauma, we remember. And then we ask ourselves if it could be true; after all, how could it be true if we're only remembering now. But it IS true. We know it's true by our emotional reaction to that memory. And then we don't want to remember. We struggle with the reality of the memory. We blame ourselves, even though it isn't our fault. We find ourselves transported back into the mind of that 7-year-old child. There is so much pain that we don't want the memory in our minds, so we try to find ways to forget. And when we can't forget, we look for ways to get out of the unbearable pain.

See Part 2: Unbearable pain... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 27, 2009
Part 2: Unbearable pain...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Paul, you don't want to die; what you want is to be out of pain. The best way I know to get out of pain is through it not by circumventing it. But you need help with that. You can't do this alone. You need a professional who can work with you to unravel your feelings and emotions, someone who can help you with your depression and suicidal thoughts. Please consider some form of counselling. And if you still have a good relationship with your parents, talk to them about what you are dealing with. Be open and honest with them. Lean on them for support. You didn't deserve to be sexually assaulted, Paul, but you certainly deserve help and support for the fact that you were.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 27, 2009
I've no doubt blocked much of my own
by: Scott Canada

Thanks Darlene for clearing things up a bit for me in regards to blocked out memories.I ,like you Paul, suffered traumatic school experiences that I have spent my life trying to convince myself they really did happen. Its weird because I know they did.I know they happened. I've had people tell me over the years, they say..."Remember when.....?" I know they happened and the teacher got away with it. Yet it seems that somehow it didn't. Like I'm crazy. Some people don't believe that this stuff went on in public school. Well it did!

From Darlene: I'm delighted that my comments helped you, Scott. And don't ever forget that I too KNOW it happened.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir



May 30, 2009
I am angry, I am still effected, I am by the abuse I received
by: maurice

Paul K. your real telling of your abuse story at the hands of a Priest and a friend evokes memories for me in a big way. I was lucky Paul I lived with it until I was 33 years. Then I went for help telling a professional person psychiatrist about my spankings at the hands of a religious brother. I had gone through alot of pain, hell, low self esteem of myself up to then. The words of advice I received then has made the last 29 years of my life wholesome and holistic and worth living. Your story Paul K comes when I am feeling somewhat raw and very sensitive as a report has just been published here in Ireland about the horrific abuse priests and religious brothers and sisters meted out to children in their care. Bad, Bad people the scars of what they caused will never leave the innocent people who suffered at their hands. Hi Paul K Darlene's words are so human, so honest, so real in her comments to your story. begin to heed them. I am certain you have a friend or two whom you tell your intimate feelings to from time to time. allow them to rebuild your life with you. Paul K don't quit friend, There's alot of life in you to be lived. taking one step at a time, one day at a time lift yourself off your bottom and get on with living it to the full each day you raise your head of the pillow. Paul. K begin to believe in yourself, think positive thoughts once again, act positive by doing uplifting things each day to make you feel better in yourself inside. be positive in everything you do. Paul K I'm not being hard on you by asking you to say, I can do it, I will do it, I must do it. for my own true peace of mind. Look in the mirror Paul, say good things back to yourself, say I can accomplish anything I want. Make that body beautiful from within your mind and heart. be gentle on it, caress and love it friend. Get plenty of hugs and loving from your friends and family. I love me Paul K after all I came through because of my abuse. If I can do it so can you Paul K.

Jun 01, 2009
Sorry
by: Judy

Hello Paul K - I am so sorry for what you went through and even sorrier that it is still so painful for you today. Please listen to Darlene and get help dealing with this - you are so deserving of a better life. I am also sorry for the loss of your mother. Please know that there are a lot of us out here who care about you and we are here to listen and support you. Please get help - it is not to late. God bless you! Judy

Jun 02, 2009
We care about you.
by: K.C.

Paul K, I just want to let you know that your not alone.

When my father stopped molesting me I started talking to a man named Michael. He was a predator, and I never realized it, but he took the place of my father. When I needed someone he was there and took advantages of me and my innocence. I still don't want to believe that he was a predator but I just have to try and accept it.

Jun 02, 2009
words of love and support for you
by: maurice

Hi Paul K on this 2nd of june I have just read Judy's comment to you, she's truly very honest and very caring of you in her challengeing words to you. Get HELP. she sure emphatises with you as on very good person, very brave person in all you've journeyed through so far in your life. Hi Don't you Quit believeing in yourself. Be strong willed now, a gentle kick in you know what to spur you on to Believe in yourself, I can do it, I will do it, I must do it get off my ??? from sitting writing my abuse story to doing something to ease the pain of it and let go. So that I can begin to live each day I take my head off the pillow to the full. slowly but surely do what you know is best for you Paul from Darlene's loving/caring words to you a lift up for you. also her caring visitors who sure love you from a distance Paul K.

Jun 11, 2009
Thank you
by: Paul

Thank you for all your support, tonight was the first time I was, able to come back here. I appreciate all the comments. I'll have to come back again and reread and fully take it in. Though I have tried a few times to get professional help. It just never works out. Right now I've been more focused on getting a job\schooling. But anyway i just... i need to sleep, ill be back later. Thank you everyone.

Jun 12, 2009
A good nights sleep is great medicine
by: maurice

Paul K Thank you, great you got back to read very empowering comments from people who really care about you and your wellbeing. I feel real LOVE coming through in all the comments I read it does me a power of good and I feel good feelings in that feeling. Hi hurry up and take your time going for help (try the counsellor again) I know it is painful but the pain eases with each visit and letting go of all you share will come easy too Paul K. I can, I will, I must do it for me. Think positive, Act positive, Be positive. I hope your building a good mirror image of that HULK GUY in the mirror. Love yourself and all the parts that were abused say nice thinks about them. caress them and be gentle with them not in a sensual or sexual way just natural Paul K. You'll feel really good about yourself.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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