Comments for Child Abuse Story From Nikki S

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 09, 2009
Your "purpose"...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Nikki, I do not believe that it is necessary for one to be told or otherwise pointed toward their "purpose." I believe "purpose" is something we have the ability to create ourselves, that "purpose" is created in our own minds. I believe part of your "purpose" can be your son. I also believe that the triggers you've experienced with regard to your past, the diagnoses you've received, and your son turning the same age you were when you started to be abused are all connected toward this "purpose." It is what you do with it all that will create "purpose."

Nikki, right now you are experiencing fear, fear that is crippling. It is only through love, love of Who You Really Are, that fear will dissolve. If you wait for your "purpose" to be revealed to you, you will be left waiting. But if you instead set your mind to "creating that purpose", it will come to pass; that is the law of attraction. You have that ability, Nikki, you really do. And you certainly deserve to benefit from what you create. I too send you healing energy and thoughts.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 09, 2009
Tears
by: Christina

Nikki, I read your post and I felt such a saddness. My heart broke, because as a child, we should be nothing but loved, adored and treasured every single day.

One of the saddest things you said was that you didn't believe in God anymore because those that hurt you the most were "christians"...

Those were NOT real Christians... I was abused as a child (I have my story on here, also) severely and had it not been for God, I would be dead. I found Him when I was at my weakest. I am not going to badger you, degrade you or make you feel bad for your beliefs. But, if you believe that simply because of other people, you're missing out on something wonderful!

I really would like to talk to you privately... Maybe through email or something, but I don't know that Darlene allows that. Maybe, she will :)

Always remember that you ARE special, you ARE worth it. I always have an ear - I have been blessed with a great set of listening ears... I really hope to talk to you soon.

And, if not - then seek out peace and serenity by spending time with yourself. Love yourself first and you will see what follows. You are worth every single bit of love that everyone else is worth. I will pray for you tonight and for all the future nights.

From Darlene: Christina, I know you want to be helpful and I know that you are coming from a place of love and caring. I too am coming from that same place when I have the strict policy of not permitting the exchange of email addresses, etc. There is just no way to know who we are dealing with on the site. So while I certainly appreciate from where you are coming, I cannot make any exceptions.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Jul 09, 2009
Such an uncaring system
by: Anonymous

Nikki, what your abusers did to you was very pathetic, sadistic and ungrateful. You did not deserve what those so-called Christians had put you through; you deserved love, dignity and respect. I hope all of your abusers get incarcerated for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you. Even having one of their dogs attack you (and then gloating about it) is very inhumane and cruel. Have you tried counselling? I am thinking of you.

Jul 10, 2009
Why, Oh Why,???
by: maurice

Foster homes, Foster Parents. Foster Families. Nikki S you were one of the unlucky one's. While most Foster Parents are well screened to be suitable to do a very valuable service to the unwanted child. Sadly a high percent don't live up to their duties responsibly. Your life was ruined in the two homes you were placed in. Cruel and sadistic human beings, parents they were not either foster or otherwise. Nikki S Don't You Quit believing in yourself and now your beautiful child birthed by yourself. your own flesh and blood. Live to protect him with all the help that is available to you right NOW to do it. Be ever so strong for both of you. Oh yes I know it will be difficult to let go of all that was done to you at your tender years. It was not your fault, don't blame yourself, do your very best to understand the people who abused you by being bluntly honest telling yourself they had their problems, they were weak human beings, they were ignorant using a system for financial gain rather than for loving you and those placed in their care. You know now, Darlene knows and all her visitors know now that these were unfit to be caring Foster Parents. Accept that Nikki S, you becaome the winner in your life and for the life of your precious child. Darlene is so loving of where you are coming from she has given you words and suggestions of building up your own self worth, self esteem and setting a purpose for you to live your life to the best each day you wake up. Begin with yourself set your own day today ideals for you to reach then let your Son help you by showering him with a mothers love. Then you will be protecting yourself and him. I can, I will, I must, with the closest of your trusting friends take one day at a time getting better in your own mind

Jul 10, 2009
Thanks Everyone
by: Nikki S

Good Morning,

I really didn't expect any response but am completely enlightened that you did and thank you for all your kind thoughts.

I have read over the rest of the stories and it saddens me to say, we've all been let down as small children but I am happy that you've all found some peace and work daily towards that.

Thank you Christina for your thoughts. I realize and know that this really isn't Gods fault, but I am still at a loss of words for the suffering of all children, not just my story and my heart breaks for us all. Please know that I am working my way towards that own peace in my life and I have a feeling God still holds a few surprises for me. I never really accounted surviving as a gift from God, but if I was to be completely honest with myself, I would have to say that I was blessed with many gifts and its up to me to utilize them. I respect Darlene's rules as I respect you for the need to reach out to me, I would like to keep touch too, and maybe we can do so on this site some how with out disclosing information. I have to agree with Darlene, when it comes to the net, we really don't know, but please know I appreciate your kind thoughts and words :)

Darlene...
No one has really ever put it to me, in the way that you did and You are so right. I alone hold my purpose and I alone have the choice to manifest it and make it happen. I guess some of us get stuck in a belief that things will be revealed to us and I was one of them hoping for a miracle.
After reading what you wrote, it really sunk in I am already manifesting my purpose now I just have to fine tune it somewhat. My son is my biggest gift and even though I have struggled with the daily chaos of a mental illness, he is going to be alright if not great. I took a good look at him after disclosing my story and listened to him babble away like he always has, he's filled with such vibrant energy, and realized due to my own trauma and fears my son is so compassionate for people that struggle. He always wanted to be a doctor and told me the other day that he's decided to be a " head doctor", helping other through terrible experiences. That he understands the mind a little after being raised with me - a woman riddled not by mental disease but horrible experiences.
I am truly blessed to have this child in my life ( he's not a child anymore - more a teenager now), he's the best of me with out the trauma. Thank you for pointing that out to me.
I think its wonderful that you have moved beyond your own experiences and are now able to help others with your books, video's and sound advice.
Thank you for that.

I wish us all strength and hope to continue on our healing journeys, your all in my thoughts.

Jul 10, 2009
Nikki:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

How eloquently put. You have not only raised a compassionate and gifted son, you are truly gifted and compassionate yourself. The two of us have spoken of purpose, you and Christina have spoken of God, and in your comment you spoke of miracles. I will pass along the title of two books that should you choose to pick up, might be very helpful along your path, Nikki: Conversations with God (the combined volume of all 3 books) by Neale Donald Walsch and A Course in Miracles (combined volume with text, workbook and teachers manual) by Foundation for Inner Peace. Both books can be order through Chapters bookstore.

I have no doubt you will find healing, with the help of your precious son (I smiled from the heart when I read that he wants to be a "head doctor"), and with a strong sense of purpose.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Jul 10, 2009
So Glad!
by: Christina

Nikki, I am SO glad you wrote back! I've been thinking about you for days now! I was telling my husband about you and he has been praying for you as well. You're all I thought about yesterday, I know that hurt you feel. I still live it everyday.

I try my best to get through it and some days are worse than others.

When it comes to God, you ARE here because of Him! I know people lose faith, because they look around them and see the good people dying young and the bad people living longer and with money, power and with, what seems to be, a good life. But, doll - you have to look at the big picture! When we leave here, where we go will be for all eternity. So, if they don't pay for it now, then you can rest assured, they WILL pay for it later. That is a guarantee.

God loves you, He has protected you from death. There is a purpose for you. You ARE a wonderful person and God loves you more than you could ever imagine. Keep this in mind - We leave Him - He will NEVER leave us! Ever.

I am so glad you wrote back. I was hoping that you had a chance to read what I wrote. As far as keeping in contact, while I would absolutely love to talk to you personally, I have to respect Darlene. It sucks, but you know - she is right. She has no way of knowing who is who... For all she knows I am a predator looking for you or someone else for that matter.

I also have a son that I look at and I often wonder how ANYONE could hurt their children. He is 5 now and he is turning into a little man. He is funny, smart and makes me laugh. He is so sensitive - to everyone and everything! Flowers, trees - he talks to them! He wants to water them... he sees our cat and kisses her and asks her in a kind voice "are you hungry? let me feed you" and he'll proceed to get her food and drink... My son is having a childhood free from fear, pain and anxiety... The same pain and anxiety I had for so long... I am BLESSED to not be like my mother... It is only because of God that I am this way.

We can chat through here, maybe... If you're having a bad day or feeling low... stop in to say hi... I will look for your posts and keep you in mind and in PRAYER. Please, remember, that those people that hurt you were NOT christians... I am a christian... and I love with my heart, my soul and I treat people with the love and respect that they deserve. I follow the Bible and I try my best to do what is right. I will continue to pray for you. I hope that you the best weekend you've ever had!

Jul 10, 2009
from my heart to yours
by: maurice

Oh the joy of reading your positive attitude to all the comments mad by Darlene she's a sound as a pound in her loving and caring for each individual visitor. She loves each one according to the telling of their story. She's brilliant and ever so beautifully human in her feelings. Her womanly mothering instincts come to the fore in each comment she makes. Great you and your Son value each other. He is your inner believe in yourself Nikki S Good on you. God be with you as you live each day as it comes. Thinking positive, acting positive and being positive in all you do and Say. Keep saying I love me, I am very precious and special for me and my Son.

Jul 10, 2009
To Nikki & Christina:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I have no problem whatsoever with the two of you conversing through this thread. Just keep in mind a couple of things, besides the required anonymity that is: One, that others can read through the comments you both make and then leave comments themselves if they choose to; two, that comments don't go live until after I've read and "published" them on the site, meaning that it could take some time for them to actually go live and be visible. There are incidents where the system is backlogged (sometimes due to upgrades and system maintenance), and therefore comments often times do not appear live even though I long before approved them for posting on the site. There is nothing I can do about such system delays; they are simply a fact of interactive website life.

I do check the site regularly throughout the day in order to release any comments made on individual threads, but sometimes I'm out of town, in transit, or otherwise occupied, so it if takes some extra time, I ask that you be patient. No matter where I go I always ensure I have Internet access. Oh, and just so you know, I'm on Pacific Daylight Savings Time, so keep that in mind with respect to the timing of comments going live. I'm a very early riser; often by 4 a.m., but usually by 5 a.m. But that means that I'm an early to bed person too, meaning that after 8 p.m. I generally do not check the site. I always go through comments before I do anything else in the mornings, so rest assured, they get posted first thing.

Friendships can be SO healing and enriching; I hope that for both of you. You certainly seem to have found kindred spirits in one another.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Write Your Child Abuse Story.

Return to Child Abuse Story From Nikki S

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...

Most Recent

  1. The reasons I've been absent

    Nov 14, 17 01:30 PM

    It's been another challenging time for me. As I actively work toward an online program for survivors of sexual abuse, I've also had to deal with issues at home. Hubby has been diagnosed with 2 types o…

    Read More

  2. I Self Medicate

    Jun 26, 17 04:40 PM

    When I was 3 we left Illinois for Arizona. The day we left my grandfather had a heart attack and died. I have one uncomfortable grainy memory of him. I

    Read More

  3. Ongoing Abuse

    Jun 06, 17 03:03 PM

    I'm 15/16. I am still getting abused physically, mentally and verbally by my family especially my mother. I don't understand what to do to overcome this.

    Read More

E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...