Comments for Child Abuse Story From Nicole H

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Nov 23, 2010
 Nicole:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I learned a long time ago that the only way past the pain is through it. Only then will it let you go. Only then can forgiveness really happen. But don't for one second believe that forgiveness is somehow going to change your mother. She is who and what she is. The connection you still have to her is the fact that she is your mother, and likely, that you are still holding onto the what most of us human beings want: a loving set of parents, especially our mothers. Sometimes, that's not possible. It wasn't with my mother. In fact, I had to draw a line in the sand and distance myself from her because she continued to be emotionally abusive. Stay in therapy. Deal with the repercussions of what happened at the hands of the people who were supposed to protect you and keep you safe from harm. And the next time you decide to throw something at your husband, take a breath FIRST, and then don't allow yourself to become the same kind of woman your mother became. Also, you might benefit from reading my article on this site titled Why parents target a specific child for abuse for some insight. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Nov 23, 2010
 Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you. I read the article and It made a lot of sense. I think it helped explain why she and her husband targeted all three of us and particularly me. I am still in therapy. I am finding much different ways to channel my anger. I have never talked about things that happened to me in detail. There are countless times where stuff like that happened. I never thought talking to anyone about what happened to me in detail would help until I could see the results.
Nov 23, 2010
 society, protecting children
by: My Two Cents

To start with, nothing that happened was your fault. You did not deserve to be treated like this by your "mother" and stepfather.

With regards to seeing the same thing possibly happening with your own kids, this is not a given. The fact that you are concerned about it and have sought help to deal with it makes me think that your kids will do very well with you as their mom.

I have to briefly say, the way that you were ignored by those in authority that you told - bio dad, teachers, counsellors, etc is EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING to read about. With the exception of your father, those people are usually mandated reporters and required by law to report allegations to the child welfare people.

In my profession, if someone says words like molestation, abuse, or you see bruises and you suspect something is wrong, I document all the "w's" - who said X, what did he/she say, where was disclosure made (during recess, etc), how was disclosure made - verbally, in writing, etc, etc. Then I call child welfare and report that info to them. It becomes their job to investigate and follow-up with me if necessary. Usually, I do not find out what has happened.

I have personal experience in making a report and all of the steps above were followed. I prefer not to say more because the story is not "mine."

Be well.

My Two Cents.
Nov 23, 2010
 so confusing
by: Nicole H

The confusing thing about it was, my mother and stepfather never hit me in the face. Not usually in places that would show bruising or injury. The few times that I did show my injuries. They said they couldn't say there was abuse in the home because there was little or no evidence. My mother took very good care of us as far as; we had plenty of food on the table, went to the doctor when we were sick,(i have asthma and was sick all the time) we always had clean clothes and looked nice, my mother seemed interested in all of our school activities. I told my Dad and other relatives about the abuse for about five years before anything was done about it. But she never got in trouble. It was always treated as if it was no big deal. It is continued treated that way.
Nov 24, 2010
 follow-up
by: My Two Cents

The fact that you are saying that someone is hurting you should have been enough to trigger an investigation, and that report to child welfare when supported by all the injuries you had should have set off a LOT of ALARM BELLS for the investigators. In the story, unless I am missing it (?) it reads like child welfare was never made aware of the allegation(s) which is a serious FAILURE on the part of the people responsible for helping to keep you and others safe.

Really, I am seriously disappointed that this went on when you could have been helped.

At the end of the day, I am glad that you are safe, I hope you continue to do well, and if there is one thing I wish people would learn to do, it is to take these things seriously and report them. It is so important that children are protected and allowed to be children without worrying about abuse, neglect, whatever else.

My Two Cents
Nov 30, 2010
 Don't quit: Don't give up on yourself: Be a winner
by: maurice

Nicole H: I do see a winner over your abuse in YOU; Stay in therapy: change you daily lifestyle: If I've gotten my math's right, you are still a very young woman to take part with like-minded people in sprting and cultural activities or spend some time in the GYM; Oh yes Nicole H: Darlene's has given through her comment a woman's heart advice and ways for you to ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: There is a life to be lived after having been abused: Darlene herself has proven that: From Victim to VIctory is her lifes journey out of abuse: You too will be victorious and a winner: Your abuse was horrific: The reason Darlene suggests counselling/therapy to many of her visitors is, once we talk to a professional counsellor/therapist we see things differently and a whole new perspective is put on even the most horrific of horrors lose their power to hurt once light has beenlet in: So Nicole H off your bottom: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: use up uncontrolled energy by kicking a football or playin BB and dunking it into a net: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: That you are Nicole H: You'll be fine: You'll be good loving and cherishing mother to any children you might be blessed with: Act on darlene's comment and you sure will prove alot to yourself and your friends:
Dec 01, 2010
 Im praying for you
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry about what happened to you. i wish nothing like that had to happen. I was just looking for information on child abuse for my project and came across your story and it just broke my heart. I cant emagine the pain you are going through. i am so sorry & i pray somehow you will get closure, just know nothing that happened was your fault at all.

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