Comments for Child Abuse Story From Nicole B

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Apr 01, 2009
Emotional abuse can lead to anger and hostility...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Nicole, I don't look at how sad stories are, and I read more than I can ever post on this site. Rather, I look at the way the person has been affected by the mistreatment they've had to endure.

When a child is repeatedly yelled at and called names, that child grows up believing what s/he was told, even though that child was told lies. When a child is given praise and recognition for the precious individual that s/he is, that child grows up with confidence and a healthy self-esteem. When a child grows up feeling rejected, the child learns rejection and also believes that s/he is unlovable and unworthy. When a child is lied to and betrayed, that child learns not to trust.

Your father is angry and troubled, Nicole; and you've been forced to endure the resulting repercussions. What can happen to a child who grows up as you have is they can themselves become angry and bitter; and that is a terrible way to live, Nicole.

I understand your feelings about your father. I understand how you feel the need to pull away from him. And I also understand the hostility you feel toward the woman he chose to marry after the divorce with your mother, especially given her emotionally abusive ways. Just understand that when you lash out and name-call, regardless of how deserving those names and lash outs might be, you strip away a piece of who you really are as a person. It's YOU who ends up suffering in the end; maybe not right now, but at some point in the future. I know you have a warm and caring heart; I can tell in the way you protect your brother. You really are such a loving sister. Don't ever forget that about yourself. It's a wonderful quality to have.

But right now you need someone to talk to about your feelings of abandonment and betrayal, Nicole. Consider contacting Kids Helpline in Canada at 1-800-668-6868. They are staffed with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you and help you with your options. You can remain anonymous. You deserve to have someone listen to you.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Nicole.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 01, 2009
why do some couples get married?
by: maurice

Sadly Nicole, two many couples like your dad and mam separate/devorce. no problems if no children but as in you and your brothers situation their devorce effeted you both in different ways. Love can make fools of couples if they have not worked at it before saying to each I Do in Marriage. then it is too late if again their clueless as to building real geinuine friendship and love for the children in their marriage. No form of abuse is excused. It is bad and you are a child of such abuse by your Dad or so called Father. Nature begets nature sometimes and relationships of a similair kind follow the person. your step mother seems to be under the spell of your Father with her abusive dispositions towards you and your brother. It is only natural Nicole that you resent her. Don't balme yourself for that. in all the not so nice situations you've found yourself you or your brother is not at fault. As you get older thankfully you see the wrong in all that happened you. You have begun by telling others, visitors to Darlene's site. She is your stepping stone to happiness and love of yourself and your brother. Read and take heed of her loving acceptance of you as beautiful and special. I too for a long time accepted that my form of being abuse was mild in comparrison to the stories I've lived through with the teller of their story. It was abuse full stop. Find that special person called friend whom you can share trusingly and who'll love and support you seeking professional help so tha you can look in the Mirror and say I love me. I'm Special and in turn then you help your brother to say Hi I'm Special too.

May 04, 2009
I also abused my children!
by: A Mom...

Hi Nicole, sorry that your dad can't love and respect you and your brother the way you would like to be loved by him...Probably he doen't know how, but you can write him a letter, you can tell him the way you have been feeling since you can remember; how much he has been hurting you and your brother with his abuses. Tell him you feel sorry for him because he doen't know how to be a father to you and your brother...Love and respect is what you both need from him.
I used to yelled to my children, and one of them is in such a pain, feeling so helpless, unloved and unworthy because of me...I wish I could have been smarter, wiser because I really loved my children very much, but I was sick (unbalanced hormones),ignorance, being inmature didn't help me either. Please wake up your father with your nice, smart words; write to him about your pain, tell him he needs help, and you talk to a teacher, or the principal of your school NOW Every single child is very special, and you are VERY SPECIAL AND SMART...Talk, talk with anyone that wants to hear your the way you feel NOW

May 04, 2009
To "A Mom":
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I commend you for sharing your thoughts and knowledge with Nicole B, for taking the time to use your experience with your children to help her. It was very brave of you.

You said one of your children is in a great deal of pain...you can help him heal, but it will require a commitment by you that you'll need strength to accomplish. I point you toward an email conversation I had with a visitor some time ago: Exchange with Jane. Please understand the context with which I meant the words I wrote in that discussion. They were not intended to demonize her; they were intended to help Jane understand what needed to be done in order to really help her son. A support system for you is also paramount here, someone to turn to in order to talk, someone who can open his/her heart to your situation. I wish you and your children all the best.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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