Comments for Child Abuse Story From Nicola

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Mar 14, 2009
An offender who can no longer offend...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your thoughts about your stepfather's death are completely understandable. Protecting your daughters from the same sexual abuse you endured is indeed your most important job, and the fact that he is dead means you no longer have to concern yourself about him. I do wonder how many victims he had. If he had exposure to other little girls, it is quite likely he molested them as well.

I bristled when you said "he had oral sex with me". It wasn't with you, Nicola; it was to you. I make this distinction because none of what happened to you was your fault. You were not complicit in the acts. The blame, fault and shame lies squarely on his despicable shoulders.

And while I also understand that you don't want to tell anyone about what happened to you at the hands of your molesting stepfather, I still believe that counselling can be beneficial.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Mar 14, 2009
Encouragement
by: Linda Settles

Nicola, I commend you for keeping your children safe from the man who molested you. So many survivors of abuse fail to realize that abusers do not stop abusing unless they face their crimes and get help. Your children are truly fortunate that you are a protective mother.

On another note, I strongly encourage you to obtain counseling. The after-effects of sexual abuse are often damaging to our relational style, sense of self, and ways of seeing life. You have done well in so many ways, but life can still be better. Better for you and better for your children. Surivivng sexual abuse without counseling is like surviving a car accident when you were very young but never getting medical attention for your injuries. If you grew up with the pain, you don't know how it would feel to be free of it. You have adjusted to it. There is so much healing in getting the trauma out in the open and gaining the perspective of someone who understands the damaging nature of sexual abuse and how it may be affecting your life today.

I wish you the best, Nicola. Thank you for sharing with Darlene and all of us who love supporting survivors like yourself on her site.

Blessings,
Linda Settles


Mar 14, 2009
Brave and couarageous Nicola
by: Maurice

Sharing one's story of abuse is healing once you are aware that you have others who can emphatise with you, having had other forms of abuse done to them. Acknowledgeing that I was abused late in life, much, mush later than you Nicola. You have peace of mind now knowing your two daughters can visit their Gran. Well done Nicola and a website like Darlene's is an instrument of healing for us both knowing we can in confidence relate and share our story of abuse. It can be difficult to find family or friends to talk it through with. But with Darlene's site you and I can knowing there are others out there who value us and understand.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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