Comments for Child Abuse Story From NB

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Mar 20, 2010
NB:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are looking at this the wrong way. It's not your fault because you were a terrorized child. It's not your fault because fault ALWAYS lies with the person who chooses to abuse. It's not your fault because your brother chose and wanted to protect you from the harm he knew you would receive, harm he knew about through experience. I know that, NB, because when I chose to hide my brothers and sisters from my raging mother and put myself in front of her so that she wouldn't harm the others, I did it to make sure they were protected. If any one of them were to blame themselves for what happened to me in those instances, I'd vehemently correct them in an nanosecond with these heartfelt words: "Don't you EVER blame yourself. EVER." No matter what you say, you will NEVER EVER be to blame. Period. End of story. Give yourself a break, NB. Start thinking about this differently. As long as you feel guilt for what your abuser actually did, you give up your power to him, power you didn't have as a little boy, but power you can now take back. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

One more thing...if you've submitted contributions to my site under a different name, please continue to contribute under that name so that I can group them together.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 23, 2010
Don't blame yourself:
by: maurice

Your Brother NB: was one great brother to have when you were six years of age: He protecetd you from that beast of a Father. I say a beast because if he beat your 15 year old brother the way you tell it to Darlene and her visitors. Just imagine what he would have done to your six year old body. I am sure your brother is proud of what he did. He loved you so much that he kept that beast away from you. That is true love. You did the right thing staying behind closed doors as your brother told you to. He knew the harm that beast would have done on you had you come out. You are ever so blessed and lucky you had an older brother to protect you. STOP NOW blaming yourself. Darlene knows best, and from her heart she wrote you a comment that you should take to your heart and make a real sense of it. NB please stop feeling guilty, I am certain your brother has re-assured you over and over again that he took that beating out of his total LOVE. Now you get on with living your life to the full. Live well: Laugh alot: Love much: Always believe in yourself. Your life and future happiness is in your hands. I am the most important teenager/young adult ever birthed. I need to tell myself I had a great brother who loved and proteceted me. He knew by begging me to stay in the room that it was his way of protecting me from that Beast of a Father. So NB do forgive yourself for thinking I was to blame: Yor brother knew you did the right thing not to come out. I Hope and pray he is living his life to the full and is receiving counselling if the effects of that abuse are still with him. You love each other now. Stay strong for each other. Get on with living your lives to the full and making life for all your loved ones and friends around that more better for knowing you.

Mar 23, 2010
NB......it's gonna be ok
by: Mac

NB;Sometimes, as specially as a chid, where we're just there,& things happen that are out of our control. Abusers, if we depend upon them, can easily make us feel responsible for everything that happens around us, it's their way of keeping us under their control, as we seek their love, their provision,etc. We belive what they tell us, & accept it as though it's the truth,.....but it's not. Your brother had a choice, & he choose to protect you, regardless of what happend to him. You did not make him,stand in the gap for you to protect you. He did it out of love for you.Your brother doesn't hate you, & you need to not hate yourself either.Both of you were innocent children , in a bad situtation.Hopefully both of you are in a safe place now, & are finding yourself on the path of recovery, hope, & happiness.For many years, I blamed myself that my terrior Scottie died.Not until recently have I been able to process this, & talk about it, & it happened over 40 years ago. Part of the horrid abuse I endured was being forced to take scalding hot baths as a child.I was about 7 years old, & I didn't want to get into the tub. My parents said, I had to do so, & that it wasn't scalding water,& even if it was, that was the only way to wash away my sexual sins. I refused to get into the tub. Told them that if the water wasn't scalding, then my puppy would go into the tub with me if it was safe. They didn't think I was serious, & I thought that if they were right they wouldn't let me share my tubby bath with my puppy. Puppy went into the tub, screamed, finally my parents suffered burns & bites trying to get the dog out, & my puppy died of a heart attack & 3rd degree burns. They buried the puppy, without telling anyone, and I was never made to take those scalding hot baths any more. My puppy scarficed his life for me, protecting me. I did not meanto hurt my puppy, or see him die because of me. It was not my fault.My best friend & protector, my puppy died saving my life. Finally had to realize that the tubby incident had happened,& what followed was not something i did intentionally. Of course my parents used it to convince me that I hurt anything/anyone i loved. But ya know what...........that was just their manipulative lies,keeping me in shame,darkness, & depent upon them. It was not the truth. It was not my fault, nor was what your brother willing took to protect you either. I'll keep you both in my thoughts & prayers,believing that both you & your brother are now safe & are on your way to healing,hope, happiness. Proud of you & your brother too! You're not alone! For us to heal, it's gotta be revealed. Can't stay unsaid, denied,etc. It all has to come out into the light, so healing can begin.Soak up the fresh air & light of a new day,every day, & don't go back!

Mar 23, 2010
watch radio flyer
by: Anonymous

oh , yes i have to reply, you need to read books about abusers what he did to you is even worse than what he did or as bad as what he did to your brother, that is what they do , i would get books to read , reading doesnt require talking

playing family against one another, what he did to you just as bad, done on purpose you need to read about that , counseling wont help that

counseling good but no informative apparently
domestic violence too you need join a group where siblings go , i bet same exact thing happen
maybe what he did to you worse then,

did you ever see the movie radio flyer

get that movie, find a wishing spot but dont fly off it please , you seem like someone end up great really. this i guess one of your wishing spots, then where you go to be ok
thats wonderful for you . i think you will be a great person some day i understand about a abusive person play family against one another
watch that radio flyer movie, they should say you are not alone, trust me thats what an abusive person does
domestic violence , i know very bad sometimes even worse for mental things as done to you the mental effects , very very true thats a fact you need to know. maybe wanted to hurt you more even
by what it did mentally. i would read books and watch that movie you would relate to it and in the end happy ending as more than likely you will have too . good luck i think you be great , fine in the end ,

Mar 23, 2010
hmm
by: Anonymous

it wasnt your fault at all. i can understand why you would blame yourself, but you were just protecting yourself. that could have been you.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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