Comments for Child Abuse Story From Natalie

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 29, 2009
Part 1: Coping skills...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Natalie, the effects of child abuse can follow us well into adulthood, especially the unresolved emotional residue; residue that can lead to even more tribulation in our lives. You not only deal with the abuses you suffered at the hands of people you as a child trusted because you should have been able to trust them, you've also had to deal with the knowledge that your mother did nothing when she learned you were molested. The message she sent you was that she didn't believe you, or that she didn't care enough to do anything about it. As a child, that would have been the most betraying thing of all. Your mother's lack of a proper response, her lack of action, put you at risk for further abuses later on. She taught you not to bother telling, since she wouldn't do anything anyway. These were HER problems, HER troubles coming to the forefront, Natalie. Her choices, her lack of action, had nothing to do with you. As your mother, it was her job to do something. As a mother yourself, you know that to be true.

I will go out on a limb here by saying that it is quite possible your mother was sexually molested as a child, and did not know how to react when she learned of your abuse. That is not an excuse; it's a possible explanation. It is not always the case that being molested as a child would prompt a person to DO something when their own child is assaulted. What can happen in such cases is that the adult who was molested years ago is thrust back into their childhood as though they are being assaulted all over again; and it's in that flashback that the person resorts to the same coping mechanism s/he resorted to as a child: blocking out the reality of it. Again, Natalie, this is a possible explanation, not an excuse.

What's important to understand on both a logical and emotional level is that you did NOTHING wrong. You are not to blame for any of what happened to you. You didn't deserve to be molested. You didn't deserve to be ignored. You deserved to be protected and kept safe from harm. The people responsible are the people who were in charge of keeping you safe. Always remember, they are no longer in a position to harm you, Natalie. You've lived through the worst of it, and you came through it. Yes, you've been scarred, but you did come through it. That shows how strong you really are.

See Part 2: More about coping skills... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 29, 2009
Part 2: More about coping skills...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Natalie, while I was in therapy many years ago, I came to understand more about coping skills. Sometimes the coping skills we developed along the way—coping skills that were necessary and key to our survival at the time—are the very things that get us into difficulties with relationships later in life. When those coping skills result in dysfunction and trouble in our relationships, we have to unlearn them. We do that when we:
  1. Realize what the coping skill is
  2. Understand how that coping skill is now unhealthy for us
  3. Recognize that we are no longer in a situation where that coping skill is necessary
  4. Identify when we are using that coping skill
  5. Develop the tools and resources necessary to come up with a healthy response instead
I don't know what's available to you in the way of resources. But if it's at all possible, I strongly recommend you seek out some form of counselling. A counsellor can help you with what I've detailed above. A counsellor may be able to help you deal with the emotional "yo-yo" days, and may also be able to help you move forward with your life. You deserve that in your life, Natalie.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 30, 2009
Be Brave, Be strong because that is what you've been all these years for yourself
by: Maurice

Natali, you are one very strong willed person. You've coped diferently at times to make a real sense of all you were put through at the hands of very sick individuals people whom you should have been able to trust with your life. What they did to you was shameful and very wrong. All usng you to loest your innocence and your body. That is why I believe in You. Having been let down by your Mother, and all those terrible unreal human beings you got on with living your life to a degree. Natali, at 35 you've come through alot of unreal life. physically, mentally and emotionally. But you're the winner, you've a good job a nice new car and seemingly someone you can trust. Not easy for you to do, after all you've been through. Darlene words are very powerful , caring and loving of you for you. Begin to make a real sense of them, there from her heart to yours. She most understanding has gone through her own abuse and come out to be a help in her very professional way to each of her visitors individually and treats each one with the highest respect. It is great you found her site. Good on you. I can love myself say Natali, I am the most important person for me to Love NOW. I am a very special human being 35 year old woman who has been a winner coping with all I been through. Letting Go Natali will not be easy begin today believeing you can and you will. If you look in the mirror and say that the person in the mirror can accomplish anything she wants and go for it. There are a small few people named friends that will hold your hands and walk with you. Take one day at a time loving yourself, being nice to yourself, soothing away with beautiful creams all those horrible scars on your body. HUg yourself and say I love me for who I am NOW.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Write Your Child Abuse Story.

Return to Child Abuse Story From Natalie

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...

Most Recent

  1. The reasons I've been absent

    Nov 14, 17 01:30 PM

    It's been another challenging time for me. As I actively work toward an online program for survivors of sexual abuse, I've also had to deal with issues at home. Hubby has been diagnosed with 2 types o…

    Read More

  2. I Self Medicate

    Jun 26, 17 04:40 PM

    When I was 3 we left Illinois for Arizona. The day we left my grandfather had a heart attack and died. I have one uncomfortable grainy memory of him. I

    Read More

  3. Ongoing Abuse

    Jun 06, 17 03:03 PM

    I'm 15/16. I am still getting abused physically, mentally and verbally by my family especially my mother. I don't understand what to do to overcome this.

    Read More

E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

Read more...