Comments for Child Abuse Story From Natacha

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Jan 08, 2012
 Natacha:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Do not put the blame where it doesn't belong. You are NOT to blame for the way your family decided to respond. You did the courageous thing. You put an end to the abuse against you, but also very likely put an end to the sexual abuse of others as well. You see, Natacha, sex offenders usually have multiple victims. When you told, you stopped your uncle. BRAVO to you! Your family are the ones with their heads in the sand. THEY are the ones who betrayed and abandoned you, not the other way around. Think about how twisted and sick they must be to embrace a sex offender of children. Think about how dysfunctional these very troubled family members are. That's what you have to consider. And try not to blame the therapists for your nightmares. Your nightmares were as a result of what your uncle did and the way your extended family responded. I know you don't think very highly of the counselling you received as a younger girl. If you don't seek out some type of counselling or therapy now, you will find your Self in more and more difficulty as you move through the various ages and stages of your life. Your trust issues about men are perfectly understandable, but they will never change unless and until you get the help you need and gain some perspective. Therapy can help with that. As you mature further, you'll find that if you don't get the help you need, the difficulties will affect every aspect of your life. These issues will haunt you for a lifetime, unless you're prepared to do the work necessary to allow your Self to feel, really feel, all the emotions of what you endured at the hands of your uncle, your extended family and the system. Only then will those emotions let YOU go. Natacha, you didn't deserve to be sexually abused, then betrayed by family members and the legal system. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. And hang on to to fact that you'll always have your very special grandmother and mother as your support system. Lean on them whenever you feel the need. You're blessed to have them in your life. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jan 09, 2012
 your future is bright
by: Jill

Natacha,
The uncle who abused you and his family (including your father) are all unable to feel their feelings. Their bully minds flip their behavior (childish tantrums) to make it look like it's healthy and your healthy behavior (telling) to look like the problem. Their fighting and denial hurts, but see them for what they are, miserable children trapped in adult bodies. They all created problems where none existed to create a smoke screen to hide the fact that they aren't taking care of their own lives. Your uncle should have been living his own life, not abusing you. Your father should have been taking care to protect and support you and your mom, not throwing a fit. Your grandparents, the same.

Healthy people don't do the things they are doing. Realize that you are actually a very healthy person who takes care of her problems very well. See that most of the things you are still suffering are actually their problems, not yours. They have no power over you and you don't have to solve their problems. The fear that your uncle will hurt you is actually his problem. To get out of the victim role you'll need to let go of the idea that there is a relationship with him where this has to keep playing inside of you (as well as anyone else who's in denial about what happened) and continue bullying you. These people were never real with you, and aren't worthy of your time. Give yourself the power to feel the feelings you had to hide from to survive as a child and set yourself free for healthy relationships.

Your future will be much brighter when you see what is and isn't actually your problem. Guys who want to bully and create problems where none exist in relationships will seem so childish from now on. The only guy worthy of you is one who genuinely causes no harm to himself or others.

Best Wishes

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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