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Dec 26, 2008
You have a troubled mother...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Nancy, your mother is deeply troubled. What she has done to you—and is still doing to you—is on her, not you. On a logical level, I believe you know that it's not your fault; but on an emotional level you blame yourself. The fact that you're only 13 years old has a lot to do with this, but even grown ups carry blame with them, so please don't think I'm in any way putting you down for being young. I'm not. If anyone understands what you're living with and how you feel, I do. I thought as you did: that if I had been a better daughter or if I had done more to make my mother happy or if I hadn't done such and such or if I had done such and such then maybe, just maybe, she would have loved me. I believed I must have been the worst person on the face of the planet to be so badly mistreated. And I believed all the lies my mother told me about myself: that I was "stupid" and "ugly" and "worthless" and "useless", and I believed her when she told me she "wished I'd never been born" and that "no one would ever love me" and that "I would never amount to anything". But guess what, Nancy...I found out that I am NOT stupid or ugly or worthless or useless. I discovered that not only was I (and am) loveable and that I would amount to something, I came to realize that no matter what I had done (or not done), no matter what kind of a daughter I had been (and I was a very good one, just as you are), my mother would still have said and done those horrible things to me, because she was mentally ill. Your mother doesn't know (and she may not be capable of knowing) how truly blessed she is to have a precious daughter like you.

Nancy, you are lovable exactly as you are. Your mother isn't hugging you now because there's something terribly wrong with her mind. It really has nothing to do with you personally, as difficult as that is to understand. You have been thrust into a circumstance that is beyond your years, as unfair as that is. You aren't getting what you need from your mother; you'll have to find healthy ways to get your needs met yourself. When I say "healthy ways" I mean ways that won't get you into trouble.

There is NO shame in saying you need help. Talk to your father. Tell him how you need help sorting through all this stuff. If you can't talk to your father, don't be too ashamed to talk to a school counsellor. And if that's too difficult, then contact the people at Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you, and it's confidential. You're worth that kind of help, you really are.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Dec 26, 2008
you are lovable
by: touched2mysoul

You are lovable... you are special and you deserve to be loved, hugged and respected! You deserve to talk to someone about your pain... about how your mother has treated you and how you feel about what you have been through. Speaking about your pain, talking about it will help you... i promise. I know ... i have been there and it took becoming an adult, having kids of my own and living for many years (too long) in a place of pain, fear and shame... all for a childhood that i didnt deserve. You too dont deserve the pain that you have experienced... no one does. You have taken a big step and shared on this site... there are many on here who listen and can relate to your story... i wish you the best... but please find someone who will listen... its the first step to aleviating a burden you were never ment to bear...

Dec 26, 2008
((Hugs))
by: Misty

Nancy, Darlene said everything you needed to hear. She is so right! I am 32 years old and just started counseling a few weeks ago. I had no idea that being abused the way I had would seriously affect the rest of my life. I am learning how to accept love, compliments and help to name a few things. I never knew how low my self confidence was and why I was so intimidating to new people. Please don't let your mother's illness bring you down too! This is exactly what my childhood was like. Get help, please!

Jan 05, 2009
The Light
by: Kayla1

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT WHAT HAPPENED 2 YOU!!!!! Believe me...my mom abused me since i was 3 or 4 up until i was 11 because i was saved. You should read my abuse story. I had to accept that what my mom did to me was NOT my fault. It is your moms fault she acts this way and you really should consider getting away from your mom and living with a close family member. Trust me. Just a few months ago i got out of my moms house and now im going through counseling and on meds 4 depression. Let God lead you out of this hard painful experience. Trust me on this one :)

May 03, 2009
it's not true
by: Anonymous

those are lies in your head. YOU ARE LOVEABLE. anything else is a lie. tell the lies to shut up when they pop up!

you are not a mistake, and god made you for a reason.

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