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Jan 15, 2009
"Throwing yourself under a bus..."
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You said you would "throw yourself under a bus" for your wife and son, meaning you would die for them. But would you "live" for them; meaning would you get the help you need in order to live life to its fullest and thereby enrich your marriage and provide a model example for your son.

You were trapped between parents who were too busy fulfilling their own personal desires, and perhaps also too busy trying to hurt each other, to take stock of what was really important: their precious son. There is nothing "funny" about what you endured at the hands of a warped sicko of a man who was your mother's boyfriend; your mother enabled that abuse by failing to protect you even when she knew it was going on. There is nothing at all amusing about a twisted excuse for a stepmother who would tell her 8-year-old stepson that he would "...grow up to be nothing but a welfare bum". I keep asking, where the devil was your father in all this; seems he had his head in the sand. All the adults in your life failed you. It's no wonder you were left with anxiety, panic attacks and depression.

It is not unusual for a person to block out trauma; it's a coping skill; and a very effective one at that. Furthermore, it is not unusual for memories to suddenly flood into recall, triggered by something or someone. The human brain is an amazing piece of machinery; it will only allow you to remember what you are truly capable of dealing with. So look at your sudden recall as a sign that you are ready, just don't go it alone. I strongly recommend you find some form of counselling in order to help you through the emotional residue and in order to help you gain perspective on some very painful memories. Perhaps you've already entered into therapy of sorts, and you found it ineffective. If so, consider that not all therapists are created equally. It is important to find someone whom you trust, someone who will work with you. Sometimes that means shopping around. I do hope you will "shop around". You're worth that. You deserve that. And so do your wife and son.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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