Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed89

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Mar 24, 2011
To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

When we search for something that may or may not be there, we do so at the expense of the Present moment. And if we keep searching the Past, we lose more and more Present moments. And after we've lost many more of these precious Present moments, we'll find ourselves looking back, only to realize how much time was used up searching for a Past that is long gone. Embrace the Present moment. If you need to look to the Past, do so going forward. Talk to your brother, if that's what you're inclined to do. Tell him how his abuse adversely affected you, not in a confrontational way, but rather, in a matter-of-fact way. But if you do this, understand that he may well come back with denials, minimizations, or worse, the finger of blame pointed at you. Your parents didn't step up to protect you. They failed at their responsibilities. This doesn't make what happened your fault. It makes it their fault. There was nothing wrong with you. What was wrong was that a bully was permitted free rein, without adequate consequences; and you paid the price. You can't change what happened. You can only change how you choose to respond NOW. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 24, 2011
The Horror
by: Anonymous

I can't believe that your parents would abandon you to that sick monster of an oldest brother, relinquish most of the control to him and give him free reign to do whatever he thought he could get away with and even let him abuse and berate you everyday...how dare they! That isn't loyalty; that's torture! Shame on them for running away from you instead of protecting you from that beast of a brother! I can relate; my brother, too, abused me, and my parents almost never protected me. Anyway, you deserved so much better than what that sicko of a brother did to you. If he didn't want to be there, then he should've had the courage to leave instead of abusing you. The path that he and your parents chose is inexcusable. I hope that you are in a safe place now and that you try counselling.

Mar 25, 2011
Who protects the innocent vunerable child??
by: maurice

A question no doubt in your mind especially when your parents did not protect you from that older brother: To me it looks weird that you father would insist you all sit down for meals: Sit a table and allow this older brother to taunt you and make hurting remarks at you: heard by all your siblings who more than likely wanted and did tell him to stop to now avail: Your Parents were co-asistants because they let him continue embarrassing you and making you feel horrible: Darlene sure has given you affirming words to act on: Your NOW time is precious: both for yourself and your husband: move forward, think positive, act positive be positive once you truly make sense of Darlene's woman's heart feelinmg words to you personally and you alone: Learn for all the wrongs, mistakes made by your parents in not helping your older brother to COP On: Value and respect your sister, she is your sister with real feelings: stop hurting her: That did not happen wonderful and special undislosed 89: You wrote an honest apraisal of the hurt he put you true: You are an intelligent woman withan equally intelligent husband I am certain between you both you'll make real sense of Darlene's words: letting go and moving on while living THE NOW time of both your lives to the full: Have no doubt he (your Brother) is getting on with his life: uncaring of the grief he caused you all these years: Again Darlene has put things in perspective for you: With the help of your husband you'll be a winner over your brother: LOVE will be the winner: You love and cherish yourself: be gentle and kind to yourself: LET GO: I will I can I must because I am WORTH it: what am I??? I am WORTH it:

Apr 02, 2011
Grateful
by: Anonymous

Thank you all so much for your kind words of support. It really does make a difference. I have three beautiful kids and I actually did "break the mold". When they were younger, I would tease them and think it was funny. It is amazing how we emulate behaviour that has hurt us. I did become aware of it and I did stop. I was in therapy for about five years. My oldest brother actually recommended the therapist and he still goes to him. He teased and tormented his own daughter until she would cry begging him to stop. It was not as bad as the tormenting I endured, but I felt so sorry for her. She is now 22 years old and has some emotional problems. Anyway, the therapist suggested I confront him, but I can not bring myself to do it. Although he now considers us as great friends, I am still intimidated by him. I do not think he is aware of my intimidation because I am known as tough, outspoken and saavy, but deep down inside is that little child, that preteen girl, the teenager and the young adult that was called names, teased and tormented for no apparent reason for over twenty years. I have a theory. I think since my parents married so young (age 16) and had five children by age 24, my brother had to take care of me (the fourth child). Maybe it caused resentment. I don't know, but it has been cleansing to purge these feelings on this website and I am grateful for all of the advice. I do intend to act on it too, so thank you. Undisclosed89

Apr 03, 2011
Your parents left you vunerable,
by: Cheza Blair Styder

Undisclosed89 how dare your parents leave you vunerable by your brother. And turning your dog into a visious beast and your brother tells him to sic you!
NOw he still torments you, but i hope you will be safe.
A little advise for you: Write a letter to your oldest brother and explain how you feel. And if he still treats you badly. Write back to him saying that if he appears in any family gatherings, tell him you won't be their for his tormenting.

Apr 04, 2011
The True Value of a comment:: Always believe in YOURSELF
by: maurice

Thank You undisclosed 89: you truly are remarkable and very special: We celebrated Mothering Sunday here in Ireland Yesterday: My heart was with all mothers because they brought my own wondeful mother back to me she passed away 9 years ago: I am not so blind as not to have noticed there are many siblings out there who were abused by their mothers (parents) but you are a great Mother; you have learned That Loving and Cherishing your beautiful childreen little Angels not all the time but certainly most:D Darlene sure by her vision in setting up this safe haven place for our hearts to meet and be able to empatise with each other is brought out by you when you say our loving heart feeling words were a help to you: Once you act on the loving words of Darlene then our hearts give you inner strength to act on her words to you: She sure is an empowering force in her comments once we take her words from our heads to our hearts and act on them: Thanks a mill undisclosed 89

Apr 21, 2011
I relate to you.
by: Linda

So sorry for you. Your brother was a mean low-down bully. I say that because I grew up with one just like him! My other siblings and my parents thought he was funny and I think that encouraged him to do it more. I understand now why he did it. He did this because he wanted to cover up his own insecurities by bullying a little ten year old girl and making everyone take notice of him. My parents let him get away with it and after I left home, he raped my little fifteen year old sister. I cut all ties with my family except for my little sister. I hope he burns in Hell! I hope you are Doing okay now and I understand your pain.......Linda

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