Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed

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Apr 13, 2009
 NONE of what happened was your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

My first instinct is to tell you that you did NOTHING to "make" your father "hate you". Whatever was going on with your father is what had him responding to you the way he did. He is the one with the problem, not you. Asking him the question has left him unable to answer because there is no answer to that question. You were PERFECT as you were. If understanding why is important to you, I suggest you read my article on this site titled Why parents target a specific child for abuse. And while there is never an excuse for a parent to target or neglect a child, specific or otherwise, the article does provide some insight, some possible explanations. What's important for you to understand is that it wasn't your fault. You did not deserve to be mistreated. You did not deserve to be neglected. You did not deserve to be treated with anything but dignity and respect.

As for being "ashamed" of using your brother's suicide as an "out", don't be so hard on yourself. I think you're looking at this the wrong way. You were a child in a desperate situation, a situation brought on by the actions and lack of actions from the two people who were in charge of keeping you safe from harm: your parents. As a child—and don't ever forget that you WERE a child—you did what you had to in order to survive and cope. That terrible tragedy GAVE you an out; don't disparage yourself for TAKING it. I don't see this as "using"; I see this as finding purpose in tragedy. I for one hold you in the highest regard for realizing through tragedy how unhealthy it was for you to stay in that environment and find a healthy place to live. Doing so could well have saved your life. The unhealthy choices you made for yourself (drugs, alcohol, cutting, etc.) were to be expected given what you endured and the great pain you were constantly dealing with.

I am concerned about your cousin. He molested you, and is very likely STILL molesting other girls, because sex offenders do not change their offending ways until they are stopped.

I do hope you are in some type of counselling in order to help you with the emotional residue of growing up in such an abusive home.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 13, 2009
 You Are Victorious!
by: Bravebird

You are strong and what you have survived was never your fault or your design. I can tell by your statements you try to be a forgiving and loving person. That is special, especially in the sight of pain like we have been through. Despite all of the things that have happened you choose to make a healthy way and life for yourself and your family. You choose to stop the cycle to stop the garbage. You make a huge difference in this world. You make the days better the sun brighter for you and your family. They don't have to live afraid! Thank you.: )
Apr 14, 2009
 Undisclosed. You're Special
by: Maurice

Always believe in Yourself, That is what you been working out for some time now. getting to know the beautiful woamn/mother you are now. None of us who were abused can turn back the clock and undo the badness of those who used and abused us for their own selfish reasons. Control freaks most of them who knew exactly what they were doing to us. Not for one moment knowing the hurt/pain and long lasting effects it would have on us. You're certainly not to blame yourself for anything. Now that you have two lovely children to care for and keep safe. Let them be your Beliiever in yourself. Thankfully you LOVE them so much that you safeguard them from the awfulness that happened to you. Good on you. A mothers love is a blessing. You are that blessing to yourself and your and your two beautiful Daughters. So undisclosed Live well, laugh alot and love much. You done great with your life. good on you. Darlene's site is a God Send to you. she's your inner strength if you take notice of her loving caring words of support and encouragement. Great you found God in your life at a time when it was'nt too easy for you.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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