Comments for Child Abuse Story From Moroccan Survivor

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May 26, 2009
A distant mother and distancing from your mother
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

When our family members refuse to help us, but rather, chose to make our lives miserable, there is nothing we can do to change them. We can only be responsible for our own actions. Your mother has made it clear that she does not want to talk about the past and that she will come to help you only if she wants to and in her own good time. You must respect her wishes, because she gets to decide what she wants to do for herself. However, as an adult, you too can make choices. You can decide to move forward with your life without her. You can choose to make friends and find people who can be what I call your "chosen family". These are people who love you and care about you, people you care about and love. These are people you can rely on. It sounds to me as though you have people in your life that you can rely on. There is much to be thankful in that.

Besides, consider that even your mother was there to help with your children, perhaps her methods would be harmful to your children. If she doesn't take responsibility for the way she mistreated you, who's to say she won't mistreat your children, or at least expose them to some type of mistreatment. Perhaps not having your mother there is not a bad thing. Perhaps distance from your mother at this time is a good thing.

I am not one to advocate for confrontations with abusers. In my experience, they rarely—if ever—result in the outcome the victim really wants. Such confrontations are wracked with denials (saying it didn't happen or didn't happen that way), minimizations (giving excuses or saying it wasn't that bad) or worst, pointing the finger of blame on the victim (saying it was the victim's fault). Even if a confrontation results in an acknowledgment of some type, it is often followed with one excuse after another. You tried to confront your mother; she slapped you down, not physically the way she used to when you were a child, but instead with her angry words to you.

Focus now on the two most important things in your life: your mental health and the well-being of your children. You sound as though you are focused on your children. It's time to focus on your well-being too. Consider some form of counselling in order to help you with the emotions of living the childhood you lived.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 01, 2009
you surely are a brave survivor now is the time to let go
by: maurice

Oh how my heart went out to you while reading your story you certainly endured alot. Your parents were monsters rather than loving/caring parents. No excuses for they way they used and abused you. Sadly all these years later you are brave enough to tell your story. Great you found Darlen's site. She was a visionary when she set up her site. she is a concerned very professional woman. She relates to each individual abuse story, she certainly is a good steward of her site. Gentle and sensitive in her personal comments to each of her visitors. Her loving encourageing words to you are from her heart, what she advises You if you can begin to get the help you really need now to begin loving yourself and acknowledgeing that you are the most important person NOW. See yourself beautiful, with all the LOVE of a mother to rear your own children NOW they are your own flesh and blood. I know you will care for them and treat them with respect and love that sadly was not in your own life as a child. Darlene words Look after your own health now and care for your own children. Sadly your Parent won't make great Grandparent when they were so cruel to you. HI KNOW ONE THING YOU ARE A VERY BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS WOMAN MOTHER. DON'T YOU DARE BLAME YOURSELF FOR THE WAY YOUR PARENTS TREATED YOU; IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. So now Live well, Laugh alot, Love much. You owe it to yourself and your five children.

Feb 05, 2013
So little love shown...
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you. All those years of trying to please your family and not receiving love. I don't really know what to say...I just hope you cut ties from them and that you seek as much help as you need.

Feb 05, 2013
Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

Moroccan Survivor, your so-called parents are deeply troubled and sadistic. I know you want their love, but they're just too dangerous to be trusted, so it's best to draw a long line in the sand. Once you sever ties with them, your healing can start in earnest.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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