Comments for Child Abuse Story From Mike S

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May 26, 2010
Mike:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I learned that when I minimized what I lived through by saying others had it so much worse, it was at the expense of actually allowing myself to feel the pain of it so that I could move forward. In essence I was stuck, until I understood the importance of giving voice and emotion to what I had survived. Neglect leaves a child believing they are worthless and unloved, but not just unloved, unlovable. This is emotional abuse of the worst kind: rejection. Rejection leaves the deepest and longest lasting scars. There is a very good reason you've been dealing with depression for so long. I'm proud of you for seeking out some help for that depression. You've earned it. And just for the record, you are extraordinarily lovable, Mike. I've read the comments you've left for other survivors here; they show me how amazingly compassionate and loving you really are. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, and for being such an encouraging voice for others here.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 27, 2010
Your Honesty is empowering: You are very Special
by: maurice

Don't Quit, Don't give up on yourself Mike S. The truth will set you free: I liked your story because it was from your heart to Darlene and her visitors and you are a fellow canadian to booth: Parents have to naturally work at loving and cherishing each child equally irresepctive of sex: I grew up where fathers and sons were the norm and mothers and daughters were the norm@ Daddy's taught or were expected to teach the facts of life to the boys and mammy's the girls: Thankfully we have moved on greatly from that understanding of parenting: My friends who have children tell me we try to be as natural in our growing together with our children as is respectful: Mike S I guess you were part of such a family too: Thankfully most parents work together to ensure equalvalueing the children boys/girls: Your comments Mike S are real, true, compassionate, loving, respectful, appreciative, kind, understanding, uplifting and empowering to each visitor to Darlene's site: She is such a good steward she is very affirming of your comments: I use the many comments I read as very therapuetic for my own life as well as for the person receiving them: Your comments Mike S do that for me: There's greatness in you; Who am I,? I am the very best of children ever born: That's me: By thinking of others I have been strengthened to Believe in myself: Dead I ain't much good to anyone: Fully Alive I am: I am sure, Hope there is a message in theres omeplace Mike S
You are young at heart enough still to have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Get out there with like-minded people: Hill walking, Golfing, Trampollining: Just be careful Mike S;. There still could be a love of your life out there for you: Don't QUIT Don't give up on life: Don't give up hope: Rememeber Mike S when you feel you are at the lowest ebb in your life the only back is up: Don't get lazy NOW in your young age: Learn from the past: Live for the NOW and hope for the future: Live your NOW time Mike S to the full: Your the best and you know what is good for you: speak to a counsellor and you'll be a new person in your thinking:

May 30, 2010
That's weird reading my own story
by: Mike

I think I do need to make an appointment with my doc about getting counseling.

I thought my past was in the past, but after reading my own story, it got me thinking. I mentioned my roller coaster ride and said that's another story, but after reading my story without that part, I realised than every time I do think about my past, I always end up focusing on that roller coaster part of it, and not the time that lead up to it. During my roller coaster period, depression and loneliness made me become a different kind of person. A person I hate and wish I could go back and undo. I always end up dwelling on that and not on what may have caused it.

Because of how my life went, my dating experience is almost non-existent. I took 1 girl out once when I was 16, then dated, got engaged, and broke up with a 29 year old when I was 23. It lasted 7 months and she found another guy. Then, 20 years later, 4 years ago, I went on a "date" with a woman once. I say "date" because we chatted on one of those sites for a couple months, then decided to meet for a coffee. Even though we were only meeting for a coffee, it didn't work. She messaged me later and said she could tell that I was unable to open up. I pretty much just sat there and listened to her. It didn't work because I was too shy, embarrassed, afraid, and inexperienced, plus, she was grown up and I wasn't. I mean grown up physically and in terms of interest. I find it very hard to be attracted to women near my age because they look grown up or experienced, while I'm not grown up or experienced as far as dating goes.

I'm self-employed and keep telling myself I'm just going to become a successful business man and be single and enjoy the freedom forever, including never bothering with dating. In actuality, I don't want to be single forever, and I definitely don't want to go the rest of my life without dating, but without help, there's nothing I can do. I just can't be attracted to a 40 year old because I missed out on the last 25 years. I know beauty isn't that important. My father has told me that many times, and beauty isn't actually the problem. The lady I met for coffee was 39 and pretty, but she looked like she was 39 and that made me feel old. I was 42 at that time and I felt like I was 42 and couldn't stop thinking about all the years I missed. I'm never going to be normal unless someone can help me get over the years I missed and be attracted to women my age. Until then, I'll be single forever. It's much easier when I convince myself that I want to stay out of the dating game and enjoy doing "more important" things, but that never lasts because it's not true.

Can counseling help me get past what I missed and grow up in terms of my interests? I've even had times when I wished I was in prison for all those years. At least I would have had a good reason to have had no personal life.

Jun 02, 2010
ohhh
by: izabella

you poor thing!!
i am so sorry that your parents were like that, and anyway, it´s not too late!!
i myself am 15 and my dad was 47 when I was born, and you don´t have to have your own kids, just adopt one, there are enough in the world, and many of these kids might end up being thrown into the world without any parental love, adopt one you might never know... :D

Jun 05, 2010
Dear Mike
by: Chanelle

Dear Mike,
From the way you comment on others' stories it is obvious that you have chosen to be a compassionate person, despite the rejection you have faced...

In the beginning of your story, it sounds as if you are justifying your parents, by saying ''they didn't know better.''

The fact that you said that if you had kids they would ''know what love is'' shows that you may have been VICTIMIZED, but you are not a VICTIM!

You sound like someone who has true beauty, beauty of having transformed your pain into becoming a loving, compassionate, caring individual...that is TRUE beauty.

I hope that you will find healing within yourself and love the inner child, within you..and give it the unconditiona love you always craved for, but never received...learn to be your own best friend...(its tough, i know...) and may you find a partner who cherishes all of you, who is as compassionate and patient as you are...

G-d bless,
Chanelle

Jun 09, 2010
You derve to be happy
by: Michelle5

Mike from reading your coments which u have wrote on mine and other storys you sound like a wounderfull man, who has a very kind heart give it time u will meet the right person for you weather there your age or not someone you can trust and open up too, you desere it.

Jun 09, 2010
Thanks everyone for your support
by: Mike

I would love to relive the last 30 years of my life, but that's not possible, so I've accepted that and have begun my new life. My main goal in this life is to help young people. Throughout my life I've had many different ideas and plans, but never really the chance to do much. I don't have much money, but I do have knowledge, some abilities, and much desire.

My life has been going forward noticeably since I started taking anti-depressants last January. I've been doing my small share of helping children and teenagers in a few small ways, and when finances get better, I have some bigger plans. The next few years I plan to make my business successful while helping young people have better lives and having a bit of a life myself. Maybe in the process, I'll meet a few people and maybe even find my better half some day, but whether I do or don't, I'm going to try to enjoy the search.

Aug 16, 2010
I had no idea
by: James

Man, I had no idea how that type of abuse can effect someone. I have no words, just want to say that Im so happy that your alive.
I know im late on commenting, just couldn't help it. Yours is the first one I've commented on.

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