Comments for Child Abuse Story From Melynda

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Jun 13, 2008
You CAN overcome that fear...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I understand the fear you're talking about, Melynda. I was terrified that I would turn into my mother. I made the decision not to have children because of that all-consuming and overwhelming fear. But that doesn't have to be your decision.

The first thing to understand is that what happened to you at the hands of your father and others was not your fault. The blame lies solely with your abusers. Period. End of story. No question about it.

The second thing to understand is that you don't have to go through this alone. Indeed, it's very difficult to overcome what you've endured all by yourself. You need help with this, Melynda, help in the form of some type of counselling. But you also need to get out of the abusive environment if you are still living in it. Please consider contacting a women's shelter in your area. They can provide you with some resources available to you. Another resource for you is Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you and provide you with alternatives. You're worth getting help for yourself.

In the meantime, don't worry about the kind of parent you'll be in the future; you have lots of time to make choices in this regard. Just make sure that if you are sexually active that you're using some form of birth control. Concern yourself with the Now, the present. If you do that and combine that with counselling, you may find the rest will fall into place.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 13, 2008
Dear Melynda
by: Linda Settles

You have been through SO much--and you are so young. I have a seventeen year old daughter and one that just turned twenty. Because of my own traumatic past, I have been especially protective of my daughters. There was no one to protect you, and apparently no one to care. I am so sorry about that. I am sorry that you have suffered so much.
I watched a movie last night with my husband--a story about some young men who had suffered abuse in a youth home in their early teens. They sought revenge--but revenge didn't make them whole. It never does.
I don't hear bitterness in your post--just sadness and fear. I want to encourage you about some things you are doing RIGHT.
You are right to begin exposing your pain.
You are right to expose that pain in a safe place.
You are right to seek counsel and search for answers.
You are right to recognize that you need to become healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically, before you are ready to bear children.
But I want to assure you that you do not have to fear becoming a mother someday. I suffered a lot too, but I also eventually became the wife of a man who is precious to me (married twenty-two years) and the mother of two beautiful daughters.
Was I 100% whole, healed, and 'together' when I bore my first child? You know better. I am not 100% whole now--but I am better, and I have been a good mother.
Listen up, Melynda, because I am going to make a statement that I hope you never forget: the best is yet to come! Do your part and let God do the rest! Nothing that has happened in your past has the ability to destroy your future--unless you choose to allow it! I guess that was three statements--my daughters would have expected that--three for the price of one. :-)
You keep growing and write again--soon. I want to know if you are internalizing the truth of those three statements! God bless you, Linda

Jun 17, 2008
PUT A LITTLE LOVE IN YOUR HEART(KIDS)
by: heather m

I totally understand where your coming from regrarding fear and kid's. I was once scared myself out of fear of becoming my cruel step father or lifeless co-dependent mother. Don't let your father's terrible parenting skills rob you of your chance of the wonderful gift of unconditional love. I'm a parent myself of a 7 year old boy. Being someone's mom is such an awesome blessing. Your life experiences make you who you are. If you sit back and listen to your heart and know in your heart that those things your dad put you through were wrong, you have made your first step in the right direction for braking the cycle. Love respect,equality and patience is the key in my oppinion to successfuly raising a child.
YOU ARE WOUNDED GOODS WITH A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT TO OFFER!! GOOD LUCK HUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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