Comments for Child Abuse Story From Melissa

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Jun 19, 2009
The gift of forgiveness...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Melissa, in so many ways our childhoods mirror one another. I can relate on many levels to what you endured and suffered. Our abusers seldom see or remember things as we do. As victims in the moment, we suffer in a way they cannot comprehend, even when they themselves have and are suffering. But sometimes our abusers see and understand what they did...on their deathbeds.

My father lived in a state of denial for most of his life. He came from horrific abuse himself. And though he didn't abuse in exactly the same way, he was extremely violent. He was brutal in his punishments.

But last year, the day I saw him in the hospital as his end neared, after not seeing him for many years (a choice I made because of the way he treated women), the very first thing he said to me, he said in heaving sobs: "I have SO many regrets." He was a shell of the man I had grown up with and feared.

I had long before forgiven my father for what he had done to me, to my siblings, to my mother, and to the women he had lived with or had relationships with. I just couldn't have a relationship with a man who abused women, even if that man was my father. I had drawn a line in the sand. On that day, I held his hand and told him: "I forgive you, Dad. You have nothing to regret when it comes to me. There is nothing to worry about when it comes to me. I have nothing but peace in my heart."

I learned a long time ago that forgiveness is for oneself and that forgiveness does not have to be expressed to the one who is forgiven. But I also learned that I had the power to give my father a gift that day by telling him, and thus releasing him from any sorrow he had toward me before his life ended. That was my chosen gift to him, because it felt right for me to give him that gift and because it was—IS—Who I Really Am. It sounds as though you've given your parents that same gift, Melissa; which shows me that you know who YOU really are.

See Part 2: About "having" to spank... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 19, 2009
Part 2: About "having" to spank...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Regarding your amazing daughter and discipline, Melissa: You won't ever have to spank her, regardless of what she does. You have free will. You can choose NOT to spank; but rather, be true to Who You Really Are and find an appropriate way to discipline with love, kindness, dignity and respect. THAT would be your gift to her, Melissa, and your gift to YOU.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. Doing so can and will help many of my visitors.

P.S. I received your private email to me, Melissa. From the very bottom of my heart, thank you for such loving and benevolent words. My soul sang with joy as I read them. And as an expression of my love and appreciation, I lovingly send them back to you.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Jun 19, 2009
What a so-called disciplinary practice (no, really!)
by: Anonymous

Melissa, I'm sorry that you didn't have a good family; in fact, my parents put me through slightly similar stuff, and, they, too, think it was discipline. Their version of "discipline" included hitting, beating, biting, threatening, slapping, grabbing, choking, pulling my hair, squeezing my cheeks and lips together so hard that you couldn't feel a thing for a week, squeezing my nose so hard you couldn't breathe, name-calling, grounding, screaming, smothering, kicking, punching, swearing, shoving, etc. To make matters worse, I stupidly accepted it (as I was so young) until my 7th grade year, which literally opened my eyes and that was when I finally realized that it was literally abuse, although they still deny it to this day. Sorry, but this is how I could relate to such so-called disciplinary practices that your 'parents" had put you (and your brother and sister) through. Anyway, have you tried counselling?

Jun 20, 2009
making sense of it all and getting on with living a full life after it all is self empowering.
by: maurice

Good on you Melissa, you give great hope to the rest of us who were abused. Yes you've proved there is a life after abuse. Don't we all have to work hard at making a life in his/her own way.Fighting back all the negatives about the beatings, the bruises, the mental stress it caused us deep within becomes a positive after a time. That time is sooner rather than later for a good number. We all sure go through our hell years making our abuse a meaning of it all. So Melissa you are one beautiful, positive thinking woman, highly intelligent with integrity in all you've journeyed through to reach a very loving stage of your life. of yourself and your daughter and working at making your family a happy one. Your Mam/Dad were opposites each having their own agenda as to how to rear children. Beatings seem to have been they only many parents knew how to be in control, to discipline so that their children would behave to their standards. If they had come through that form of parenting themselves sadly it was the only way they knew. Darlene as always gives you a gem of a comment. She is so real, natural, human, woman in her advice. I like/love her sense of forgiveness and forgiving. she is dead on and I got a great lift myself from that comment. Melissa Live well, Laugh alot, LOVE much especially that beautiful daughter of yours. No need to spank her. Rear her with hugs be firm, be fair, be a friend. Always set her reachable boundaries, acknowledge her age and where she is in her little mind in understanding be her friend where you both trust each other in true and genuine love. Work well with her daddy and he with you to make her the best reared child of the Universe. Where true LOVE is the winner.

Oct 18, 2009
I share your joy in your release from the "bondage" of your parents treatment
by: Robyn - USA

I am thrilled to hear that you have a relationship with our loving and incredible, wondferul God!!! YES!He is he difference between the "Hell of this world" and REAL living, isn't He?? So wish it were easier for people to see, but it is hard for people to understand when there is so much bad around them. There IS a light in the darkness!! I am proud of you (even though we have never met) I am proud of you as one human being to another. YOU are a survivor, YOU have changed the path for your own realm of responsibility & YOU ARE a WONDERFUL human being, a wonderful woman. Bless you!! Good to hear that you were able to take the old, bad to fuel the fire of change and hope and desire in your own life. There is still sooo much life for you to live! Embrace it, make it what you want ! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! YOU DESERVE IT!! Best to you! xoxo

Oct 19, 2009
God's choicest blessings on YOU
by: maurice

Hi Melissa, I hope you are loving yoursefl more and more as the days go by. Robyn, thank you for bringing Melissa back into my thoughts and into my heart. We both love her and care about her now and always. The loving side of darlene site for Herself and all her visitors to be able to sho we really do care about each other. Our levels of sharing with darlene about our abuse has opened our hearts to each other in genuine love and concern. I get inner strength reading all the supporting comments to each beautiful human being when they share with Darlene and her many visitors. Thank you Robyn

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