Comments for Child Abuse Story From Mel

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Feb 03, 2009
You need to talk to someone...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Mel, you're in a crisis situation. You need to contact some resources in order to help you. I don't know where you live in the UK, so I can only suggest that you contact ChildLine on 0800 1111. Check out their website at www.donthideit.com for more information. Check your phonebook for local numbers of organizations and societies that might be there to offer resources.

As for blaming yourself, Mel, you were a child; your father was the adult. You cannot apply more mature values to what you did and did not do as a child. When your mind developed and you learned and understood what was happening to you, then you did what you needed to do. Don't for one second think that you are somehow at fault here, because the fault and blame lies squarely on the shoulders of your father. You did what most EVERY child would do under those circumstances.

And yes, I understand your feelings of anger and hostility toward your mother for not knowing what was happening and thus not protecting you from the man who was molesting you for years, the man whose job was to keep you safe from harm, not inflict it. After all, there must have been signs that something was wrong, signs that your mother must have seen for herself. Just don't lose sight of the fact that when your mother DID learn, she DID remove you from the situation. And she DID contact the authorities. Did she make mistakes in the way she handled the situation with you and the authorities? Yes, she failed to realize that the way she spoke to you and explained things to you would be misinterpreted by you because you were so young at the time. But your mother did the best she could with the knowledge she had at that time, Mel. At this point, you may be too angry to see this; and that's fine, because that's the place you're at right now. Whether or not she pays a life sentence for her lack of knowledge is up to you. But talk to her, Mel. Tell her what you are feeling and experiencing now. Be frank with her. From what you have shared here, I believe your mother is a loving and caring and nurturing woman, a woman who desperately wants to help her precious daughter through this horrible time.

Mel, thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, and for including your honest feelings about your mother and the details of what happened with the authorities; these details will help other parents who are visitors to this site. While that won't help your personal situation right now, there is comfort knowing that other children may be spared what you went through.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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