Comments for Child Abuse Story From Maurice

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Mar 13, 2009
I suspect something more sinister than "discipline"...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Maurice, I hope you've had a chance to read through the articles I suggested above and their corresponding comments.

You WERE abused by both those men. They took physical "discipline" too far. But I suggest there was something far more sinister at play than just "discipline". There was too much ritual attached to the so-called spanking, in both cases. And furthermore, many—and I do mean MANY—child psychologists agree that bare bottom spanking has sexual undertones. Imagine having a title of "Dean of Discipline". And now imagine the perverts who would line up for such a job, knowing they would be able to exert power and control over their young charges right up until late teenage years. You see, Maurice, the fact that society allowed such violence against children and that parents would willingly hand their children over to such violence and perversion set you up for physical and sexual abuse. Yes, I recognize it was the times; but those "times" gave these men free rein on you, indeed, on all the boys. It was a misuse of power, and society applauded it. It sickens me when people actually want such practices resumed.

There are several contributors to this site who have experienced very similar treatment as you did, Maurice. ALL of them continue to deal with the emotional residue of such treatment. It wouldn't surprise me to find at least one or two of them commenting on your story. Thank you for sharing it with my visitors and me.

Oh, and by the way, I received your thank you note; I just now made the connection. Thank you for the accolades, Maurice. I really and truly DO understand what you endured, even beyond the words you wrote—as a a young male so "exposed", there would have been even more repercussions for you.

Let me know through a comment here if you would like me to post your note in this comment thread, and I will do so.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 13, 2009
Yup......happened to me too
by: Scott Canada

Darlene was correct in her assumptions that others that received such treatment would soon comment on your story.I thought about what to write and decided to just steer you to MY story.You'll find it here too. Yup...that's Scott From good old civilized,docile Canada. Yup....d'ou vient que?

Mar 13, 2009
I always suspected
by: Maurice

Darlene, I always suspected and my suspicions that there was something more sinister going on in the mind of the dean of dicipline while he was spanking us especially as teens and in our adolecent years. Many of the boys whom I'm have shared with about our years receiving such punishment. We all agreed that it was totally wrong. A nymber of us wanted to stand up to him and did. Two boys who did were in their trousers so he could not use the leather on their bare bottoms and he never threatened. I was in my pyjamsas in his room when I stood up to him, he just whipped down the bottom and spanked me away for a longer period than normal. He continued beating me. Thank you Darlene for confirming my suspicions. I know they will help me to understand myself.

Mar 13, 2009
Humiliating
by: Mrs. R

People that dish out the kind of punishment you received are bullies, I personally believe that many of them get their jollies from this. I am 55 and I can remember my Headmistress picking on me a lot because I came from a single family home, we were very poor, my mother was sick so there was very little supervision. My main meal was what I received at school. One thing that I could not eat though was fat on meat, and school dinners the meat that was used I would assume was not of a high grade. I remember it had an awful amaount of fat and grizzle.
One day we were having one of these dinners where the meat was fatty and grizzly, and I tried to trim it and pushed it over to the side of the plate. The Headmistress was on one of her walkabouts and that day decided that she was going to force me to eat up every thing on my plate, I was 11, she held my head back and squeezed my nose closed and tried to shovel this muck down my throat. I was coughing and chocking, tears were running down my eyes and I knew every one was watching me. I felt so sick, and so powerless, but I would not swallow that fat, it was dripping drown my chin and dropping onto my uniform, then I became sick to my stomach.....the Headmistress was so angry, the next day my class was going on a trip to the Isle of Wight and I was so excited to go, being poor I did not go on many trips. Because the Headmistress was so angry she told me that I could not go on the trip the next day.
So you see Maurice Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. I am married with two grown boys, I am not perfect mind you but it is so important to treat children with dignaty and respect. I believe communication is the real way to discipline our children. They are not batting boards for people to take their anger out on, they hurt just like us, they laugh, they cry, their needs are so little as long as they are loved, fed, wanted and cared for, thats it, they don't need anything
more than that.
Maurice I hope you can forgive those people in your past that hurt you and caused you such awful humiliation. Don't waste any more of your energy thinking about them, thankfully times have changed and the schools are no longer allowed to enforce physical punishment. I just wish there were some way of preventing it from happening in the home....
Peace
C

Mar 14, 2009
C.....A good discription of bullies
by: Maurice

C How the truth of your story in the telling and sharing of it evokes similiar incidents in anothers life. Cleaning our plates at meal times was one of the rules of The Dean of dicipline in my boarding school. I took a dislike to peas, as other boys took a dislike to whatever, Each time I saw peas on my plate I knew I was in for a visit to his office for six of the best. In order to try and not be caught I used to sit opposite someone who liked pease and we'd push our plates together and I would put my peas on his plate, or the very nice person in charege of the refectory had copped his rules around food and would take my plate away when he was not near. But yes,your comment is pretty close to the bone for Bullies who had no respect or love for their guardianship of children. Thank You. I have let go and 12 years ago once I accepted I was abused by this one person I became true to mys elf in a big way. He's daed now so I pray for him.

Mar 14, 2009
I'm not alone. you're not alone
by: Maurice

Through you site Darlene, rreading the comment on my story gives me good feelings in the knowledge that I'm not alone in what I endured during my childhood and adolecent years. Yes, when conveniet for you I would value your comment. Thank you for allowing me to talk with you and others about my abuse years. I have moved on, but at this juncture of my life's journey your website came along for me to release all the negative feelins about it all. to real people relating their real stories. It is theraphy in itself. Thank you. Scoot when I find your story I will comment. Thank you. What was carried out on us by supposely loving, caring, trusting adults was not nice for some of us. Alot more then we can imagine. Letting go and letting a loving creator love us is hard to do at times.

Mar 14, 2009
Comment moved to this thread:
by: Maurice

Yes, for me it was a great relief just to put my abuse down on paper knowing
someone You would understand my reason. I am fine, but it is great to be able
to share with someone who appreciates, values and understand being able to
share it all even after all the years. Thank You.

From Darlene: You're very welcome, Maurice. Writing down one's experiences can be extraordinarily cathartic, especially when doing so in a safe and supportive place. I'm very glad the experience has been a positive one for you.


A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 21, 2009
5 volume report on child abuse prepared in the last 10 years.
by: maurice

Just now I am feeling quite raw and sensitive hearing and reading the stories of some contained in this report. 5 volumes of report on abuse which took place in religious run institutions and schools since 1940 in Ireland. I feel very safe and very pleased that I am sharing with you Darlene and others who can really emphatise with me in my feelings just now. I can assure you all that having told and related my abuse to a few that it is making me much stronger today in trying to come to grips with what really went on behind those closed doors. Awful, Awful, Awful abuse went on. Horrendous beatings and sexual abuse, horrific humiliation of emotional abuse took place at the hands of sadistic and animalistic supposedly human beings and a Religious person to booth. Oh it is is making me feel very angry, the scars of abuse remain that is for sure. no doubt about that. I have thankfully soothed those scars by telling someone. That I regard as my saving right now in my feelings. Listening to actual incidents being related about what went on all those years ago now is painful but real still to these wonderful human beings having lived through those awful years as the innocent led to the slaughter by the state and put into the guardianship of Holy Men and Women. I can safely and truthfull say of the 16 Holy Men in the school. Only the one beat me and the boys on our bare bottoms and one very sadistic teacher. All the others were very loving and caring of us. I think that is important for me to relate. What I still can't understand that the others knew he was abusing us in this way and did nothing to stop him. My message for all visitors to Darlen's site great you had the courage to tell someone and begin your healing process to a degree. Making your life liveable after abuse. Thank you Darlene I am the lucky one to have found your safe place to tell my story and relate my now Feelings to you and to all your visitors whom I know and I get great relieve from knowing that each one who was abused know how I am feeling right Now. Thank you one and all

May 21, 2009
Maurice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I, as so many others, have been anticipating Ireland's Commission to Inquire into Child Abuse report. I've been reading much about the report now that it's been made public. I want to, and plan to, write an article about the matter, but I have so many submissions in queue right now and so many comments that continue to be posted throughout the site, I don't know when I'll have the time. I may have to stop commenting on all stories; given the sheer number, it's become overwhelming.

But I digress...

Maurice, you've been in my thoughts as I've read through reams of material on this report. Glad to learn you have pleasant memories, not just terrible ones, of your experience as a child.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 22, 2009
re-assuring words
by: maurice

Thank you Darlene, much, much appreciated I assure you. It is so comforting to know you have been following and waiting for the publication of this report. You're all caring of your visitors irrespective what part of the globe your visitors write their stories. I am annoyed with one non admission in the report that of the school I attended. Two of the other institutions are named from the same religious group but they failed to name the school (under their management) I and many others went to who were abused in similar manner as the boys in their other place. I am saddened and pondering what is my best approach in making my feelings known.

From Darlene: Maurice, it is quite common for such reports to spur on another round of disclosures of abuse in institutions like the ones identified in Ireland. When such a report is made public, more victims become aware that others have told and may feel more comfortable also telling. Or they didn't even realize what they suffered through WAS abuse, but now that they do, will report. Sometimes repressed memories resurface for victims when reports like this come out, which compels the victim to make a report. Still others, such as yourself Maurice, still not feeling vindicated, know that the report lacks the full disclosure and must therefore disclose what happened to them in order for the public to know the truth. This report isn't the end, Maurice. You can always make such a disclosure yourself. My heart goes out to you during this very trying time; you are certainly in my thoughts.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 30, 2009
Maurice:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I see you posted several comments to other story contributors today, Maurice. Your absence was noticed by me in the past several days. And while I would never expect any visitor to post comments, whether or not they themselves were experiencing challenges, I just wanted to say that you remain in my thoughts. I do hope that you are able to lean on your support system during this troubling time. I know that the daily media reports have had an impact on you. Again, I send only positive energy your way.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 31, 2009
re-assuring words most helpful and encourageing Thank you
by: maurice

I was away for a few days retreat and reflection making positive my feelings around my rawness and sensitive feeling around my abuse these past days. I came home uplifted after sharing with those around me on retreat. To return to your caring/loving words of support at this time Darlene were a blessing from on high. I shall let them soak into me and use the energy of your trust and confidence to make a real sense of my feelings. Yes, how right you are Darlene, the report evoked enough re-action for our President to set a whole new recall and report for those who felt they were not heard or vindicated in the report. Now all who were abused can name their abusers in court. A whole new challenge for all concerned. Thank you Darlene and all your visitors who have written words of love and concern to me in their comments.

From Darlene: Maurice, I've been trying to stay on top of all the news with regard to the Ryan Report, the government, the calls for the naming of abusers named in the report who were shielded by agreement, the calls for more compensation to victims of the abuse that went on for so many decades, the demands that justice be meted out these child abusers. I keep trying to write an article, but alas, the needs of my visitors, their stories and comments, have taken up all my time. So if I do not get to write this article, it's not because I haven't made the effort.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 21, 2009
You have been heard loud and clear
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your story and speaking out after all these years about your physical abuse. I have to say from some one who have been abused themselves not anything that when you are an adult leaves you cold you know is wrong.
I think your mother perhaps didn't realise the seriousness of the beating and overlooked it sometimes we don't understand children as we always think they exaggerate I am now learning as an adult with children it is not the children but the adults.
thank you I wish you all the best in your healing you deserve it after all these years you have a voice and it has been heard,

Mar 24, 2011
spanking
by: michelle f

I feel the way you do bout spanking,one time my mom was whipping me I don't know how but I had to go to hospital to get stitches in my eye I think the buckle hit me,but that was an accident I will never blame her for anything for I never told her anything about my abuse till I was 18,she tells me to this day why didn't you tell me.I am sorry for the abuse you suffered,for what those people done to you,I pray you forgive them and yourself for it was NOT your fault they did that to you.Do you have hobbies,what do you love to do,and thank-you for all your great advice to me it has helped alot,GOD has sent you here to also help me and others.

Mar 25, 2011
One Beautiful chld of God and the Universe: That is who you are
by: maurice

Michelle: empathy is one very definite way to let enother know who suffered the same form of abuse as oneself: A beaten/whipped bottom as a child has the same pain for all concerned: The after effects and trauma are sadly long lasting in our hearts and minds: But in knowing I am not the only one makes the difference: Darlene's site has helped me tremendously to live my life to the full with all her knowing, empathising and affirming in her comments that there is a life to be lived after abuse: Good on you Michelle, thanks for sharing your heart with me and sffirming that my words help in the comments I share: Good to know: Live well: Laugh alot: Love much: I LOVE me: hugs and cuddles from me and now you hug and cuddle yourself:

Jul 18, 2011
It's sad
by: Jonathon

Its sad and sickening that as a society it is seen okay to spank children, that you had a "dean of discipline" whose job it was to abuse you and judging from the fact he made you drop your pants I think he probably had an ulterior motive for spanking you. It was a different time then, before my time but just because it was considered an acceptable form of "discipline" does not mean it was right and it wasn't your fault Maurice, nothing you as an innocent child/adolescent could have done deserved such brutal punishment, they abused their power over you and it was NOT your fault. I am sorry for what you've been through, as a child abuse survivor myself believe me I can empathize, and I wish you the best in life and healing from your past, you deserve it especially as I have been reading the comments you've written to people, you seem such a nice person and you should be proud of yourself.

Jul 19, 2011
Yrt another church report when will it ever end?
by: maurice

This week we have another report on a Diocese here in Ireland bringing up memories once again in many as the effects of abuse are so rooted that one victim related that abuse can get right under your finger nails and remain there: Yes, I and so many like me will have to live through these horrific reports by men of God who were in such positions of power and ruined the lives of so many innocent and vunerable children and Teenagers carrying out dastardly acts of abuse mostly sexual act: The sad thing is that most are dead now and their victims are still suffering from these sicko's acts on them: I know all forms of abuse are serious on a child/adolecent: I am wondering now is sexual abuse the worse kind: My abuse was physical, my dignity was evaded by me being ordered to undo my buttons for my naked ness to be exposed to a pervert and cruel Man of power: man of the cloth: I with so many of the boys were deffineately innocent, vunerable and obeyed in fear: He was a controller, even when four of us challenged him on this form of punishment he just ordered us to bend over: Three of the boys were wearing their trousers so all he could do was whack them on their covered bottoms: I was not as lucky I challenged him in his bed room in my pyjamas (silly now in hindsight) I was timid and shy so he just whipped down my pyjama bottom and beat me hard with his thick leather: At 15 this was humiliation and it was the severest beating of all: He went on beating me for the next two years until I moved on in my life: Reports do, and weekly or monthly court reports on the news and in the paper keep the effects and the memories alive: But thankfully we (I) have you Darlene as well as the counselling I receieved to always put it in perspective and let it go: Only you and all your many visitors know the real effects of abuse on the inocent and the vunerable: Sadly many still shy away from speaking truthfully and naturally about abuse and those who perpetrated it: It seems to know people cold each time it is mentioned; I am grateful to have loving, caring friends who talk about it freely and honestly especially my school friends when we compare our true feelings to each other:
common-sense and a good and true friend is the vital help Now in my life: All of us have gone on to live our lives to the full and that too helped and let it all fade into the background burying deep in the ground to let it go: I realize the NOW time of my life is the most important and I know I help many who share their abuse story with me of the younger generations: I am the luckyier one as are YOU Darlene and all who share their true feelings and stories here on your safe haven site: Much Thanks Darlene: I'll be foever grateful I found your vision and your site: It has been a GOD'S send to me: I too see myself now like you a Spiritual Being here on earth having a positive human experience NOW:

Aug 15, 2011
With every Report on Child Abuse I am reminded of the effects abuse had on me
by: maurice

In Recent month's many reports have been published here in Ireland and sadly more are to follow: Thankfully since I wrote my story here I get the greatest of inner strength to deal with the horrificness related in them all: But it does remind me that I was effected by such abuse much more deeply that I acknowledged: Thankfully since receiving empowering comments from Darlene I can cope with the ones that surfice auomatically when I read and hear about reports being published: I do believe that the church and politicians don't appreciate or value such effects these reports can and do have on us who were abused: Collectively a group from the top in the church and state decide but it is up to each individual cleric/religious/teacher who can understand the effects it has had on us all and therefore reports can just become history very quickly: Sadly too many I live with and journey with have become apathetic and don't realize the seriousness of abuse on those who were: I can cope, I do talk with people how I feel: I am reminded quite vividly with each report some very sick man ruined my life because the effects of his physical abuse on me come to the surfice quite vividly with each report: Upsetting me untill I talk it through with a friend who is a counsellor as well: I have group support too which I believe is so necessary for me and I would say everyone who was abused: This morning I felt determined to write my true feelings at this time: This Site is a God's send to me and I am a stronger man since accepting all the positveness in Darlene Comments and in making my own comments: It is A GREAT peace of mind: Thank You Darlene:

Sep 14, 2011
Late but definitely not forgotten...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's been an extraordinarily busy time for me, Maurice. Keeping up with the site has been a tremendous challenge, a challenge I'm getting further and further behind in. But I want to take the time to wish you a belated 65th birthday. I hope your special day was filled with wonderful surprises and spent with all those you love. May there be many more of those special days.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Sep 15, 2011
LOVE is deep within your Heart for each of us here with YOU HERE
by: maurice

Darlene: You just are aamzing, sincere, genuine, honest, truth itself: professional but truly a great woman for each of us here as part of your big family of visitors: In your bussiness you took time to send me Birthing Day wishes: ''WOW'' you are awesome: I am so honoured that you remembered: My belief is right: Hearts do speak to hearts even from a distance: This blessed and natural facility you gave to us all sure is heart based: Darlene: I am indebted to you for all the loving support and affirmation I have received from you through all your comments personally to me and to all who are brave and have the courage to share their story here with you: You have a giftedness that you can decipher the real truth in the story being related to allow us the benefit of support and LOVE from you and others who leave a comment here with you: I daily get supporting and encourageing Therapy here when I read and write a comment: God be with YOU Spiritual being having human experience here on earth like us all: Much Thanks Darlene:

Nov 10, 2011
abuse
by: michelle f

There is all kinds of abuse,and each one it's own form from mild to severe,whip,yell,hit,sex,enclosed,bound,starved, have to watch,any form of abuse is abusive,no one on this site or in this world has any less abuse than any one else that is being abused WE ALL FEEL THE SAME,same fears,same dreams,same hopelessness,samehopefullness,to go some where else that it isn't happening,to be loved to not be hated,to have a place and it is here with darlene,i am soooo glad i found this site,was looking one day to try to find out what was wrong with me and her she and all of you were,THANK- YOU to everyone,GOD BLESS DARLENE AND THE PEOPLE THAT SPEAK OUT I NOW KNOW i"M NOT CRAZY,more people feel the same way.

Mar 04, 2012
hey, you ok?
by: My Two Cents

Hey, Maurice, you used to comment on pretty much every story in here but you've been pretty quiet lately.

I hope you're ok and just taking a break from reading the stories and commenting as they can be saddening to read.

I think you offered a lot of support to the other survivors, mainly by letting them know they were heard and supporting them.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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