Comments for Child Abuse Story From Mashell

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Sep 07, 2008
It really wasn't your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Mashell, I'm so heartened that you are constantly repeating the words of that wise psychiatrist: "It wasn't your fault", because it WASN'T your fault...NONE of it. Eventually, you will come to understand the truth of it.

Promiscuity and eating disorders, distrust and self-hatred, no friends and no love; all of these were in my past too, Mashell. These came about as a result of severe child abuse. I know with absolute certainty that the root cause can be overcome. I also know with absolute certainty that it is possible to live a happy, loving and enriched life, after child abuse. After all, you have already survived the worst of it; you made it through the hell that was your life and got yourself an education to boot. My goodness...WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT!

You said that you wished you had told someone back then and had gone into a foster home. While I appreciate the message you are trying to relay to my younger visitors, the ones who are abused today, you don't know with any certainty that a foster home back then would have been a better place for you. The IDEA of a foster home, one with loving foster parents and a healthy environment, definitely would have been preferable; but who knows what kind of life you would have had in another home? None of us do. You can only deal with what you have actually lived. Trying to come up with a mental image of what you could have had is counterproductive. It only serves to highlight the wrongs done to you. That does not mean that a child should not tell someone for fear of being placed in a foster home; of course they should. What I'm getting at is that nothing good comes from dreaming of a past that did not happen. We can only be present today, now, in the moment.

Right now you have power that you did not have as a child. You have the power to make choices in your life that will lead to the goals you want to achieve, including moving forward and beyond what you endured as a child. And you most definitely have the strength to do so...look at what you've already achieved. Don't ever lose sight of that, Mashell. The services of a counsellor might help you further. You seemed receptive to counselling some time ago; perhaps you will be again. Telling someone—my psychiatrist—all those years ago was my saving grace.

Thank you for sharing your story and your message to children who are in abusive homes, Mashell. Take that message one step further and try to get help for yourself. You're worth it.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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From Victim to Victory
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